Skiles

A chef, I am not This chicken is dry as fuck Did I eat it? Yes

Thanks, brah.

But alas, I have fooled you. I was born without a back.

Ain't no code enforcement. We barely have a landlord. The only purpose he serves is to collect rent. But I take pride in having a clean house. I think it comes from the time I lived with roommates who were absolutely disgusting. That, and living in homeless shelters.

Yeah, fire is a much easier way to get rid of it.

Awwww yeah. We gon' shave each other's backs.

I couldn't do that. Not only would I look terrible, but I would feel terrible. I can grow my hair out for a long time, tho.

IT'S ME, FACE

I'm beginning to take pride in having a clean house. Younger Skiles would have never cleaned the house, unless I was bribed or held at gunpoint. Now I'm like, "Gosh, this living room could use a good dusting..." I take the trash out, sweep the floor, vacuum, clean the bathroom, and any number of cleaning activities. And I actually enjoy it. It's pretty terrible.

I didn't try to, but she friended me on Facebook and I was like, "Oh shit, uhhhhhh I guess she wants to reconnect... okay." Now we're talking on Messenger and catching up. But obviously I felt the need to apologize for how I acted, even though I never specifically treated anyone shitty. I was just shitty in general, and they got sick of it.

That one sitcom from the 1990s. I've been reconnecting with Jennifer Aniston.

There's no clouds out here either. Great for hanging out outside. Not great when you're mowing and your yard gets zero shade.

Especially when the reason you stopped being friends is your own bullshit, and both of you know that.

I mean, unless you're giving birth on your stomach, or somehow shitting upwards, no. You won't shit on the baby. But women definitely take actual shits in the process of shitting a baby out their pussies.

My cheeks are patchy as fuck. I should shave on the regs, but I just hate it so much...

Because most of the time I have a pretty good-sized beard going, and I hate it. It's hot (temp, not sexy) in the summer months. And it's itchy, especially when the 'tache gets long enough to tickle the bottom of my nose. It's uncomfortable in every way. For a while, my hatred of the beard will be overridden by my hatred of shaving, until eventually it simply overstays its welcome, and it's time to slay the beast. Then I shave, and for a couple days, I catch myself in the mirror and I'm like, "Damn, at least from the neck up, I'm still a pretty handsome guy!" I like that feeling. It's nice to feel like you look good. Then the shadow starts coming in and I'm like, "Hey, this is still a decent look..." Until eventually, I once again look like someone glued pubes on my face. I grow a halfway decent goatee, but the cheek hair literally looks like pubes. Also, I'm pretty sure 86% percent of my total body hair is neckbeard, and that's just a bad look, no matter who you are. Then I shave again, and the whole fucking cycle begins a-fucking-new.

I would've sworn to God I saw a cop getting gas once... It may very well not have happened, but I feel like that's a thing I've seen happen.

They are powered by the anger of the delivery people, who are so pissed about walking around in shitty weather that it can fuel their truck for several days.

I don't know why, but off all the pictures you posted, this is the one that really makes me squirm. But they are all definitely cursed images.

You did. It just reassembles inside your body and comes out whole when you poop it out. Corn is truly a scientific anomaly.

Of all the things I've ever seen, this is definitely one of them.

Yesterday it was the "Rabbit of Seville" episode of Looney Tunes. Right now they're playing that Tom and Jerry episode where he's playing a bass singing "Is you is, or is you ain't my babeh?" Fuck yeah, Boomerang.

If I ever get shot, I hope I have the presence of mind to scream comically for a full minute.

That... was asinine on so many levels.

She growls back, and we have ourselves a nice little conversation.