Skiles

I'm all about finding new ways to not be productive.

Seriously, it's great. I've always done it during my "first thing in the morning" piss. But I've started doing it periodically throughout the day now. And it's working out pretty well. Now obviously, it's just not a good idea for public toilets. I don't know about you, but my skin ain't making ANY contact with ANY of those surfaces. But at home, dude?? Why are we men standing up to take a piss? Sitting is so much better. Like, okay, you gotta pull down the pantaloons, and possibly undo and redo your belt. Sure. But when you sit down to pee, it's like going on break from your life. You can hang out for a few minutes. Relax. Think about some stuff. Do a little impromptu inventory of your soaps and shampoos. Stare at the shower curtain that you haven't actually looked at in years. Read a magazine when you shit? Get in a couple extra pages while you piss, too! My point is, fellas, give it a chance. It's really nice.

Nah, that's just a classic case of shitdick. A common issue with people who engage in too much unprotected butt stuff. Wrap it up next time, you animal. Also there's no cure and you have three hours to live.

Because he's a nationally-known former athlete and celebrity turned convicted felon who got away with killing two people in the most highly-covered and most controversial murder trial in American history, and he's going around saying he's gonna "get even" with people. That's why. Maybe you have no interest in it, but that doesn't mean it's not a big deal.

It's not a bad idea. Sometimes you get a little rank down there. You shower in the morning, then you walk around in 100-degree weather all day, your crotch gets sweaty as fuck. Unless you want to physically wash your balls three times a day, something like that could come in handy.

Here I was, assuming everyone who looks at my profile wants the D. Your loss, bro.

It should've said, "Bees?"

Because I only make love.

When he figures out how to read replies to his tweets, it's gonna be gold.

I can imagine the people who run the Twitters of USC and the Buffalo Bills being like, "God dammit..."

I'm so fucking excited.

So there was a parody account that got some play in the news, but it's pretty clearly a fake. But this... I'm like 97% this is fucking real, dude. https://twitter.com/TheRealOJ32

GOD I'M SO GLAD YOU POSTED THIS THREAD THREE TIMES

Yeah, I've been laid off. I didn't file for unemployment at the time, because I had cash saved up and I found something else within a couple months. So I can't help you there, but I will wish you luck on finding work soon.

Maybe you have the dead-eyed look that comes with raising a child.

Okay.

Nice. Around here, we get to hear our tornado siren a lot. We just take it as "Well, guess it's gonna rain soon." Omaha very, very rarely gets a tornado. But out in the country, they touch down all the time.

Well sure. Bad parenting often gets passed down through the generations. Hopefully your kid will break the cycle and actually have good parenting skills. I guess we'll know when she gets pregnant at 15.

She'll probably want to get to know him after she realizes that her mom lets a crackhead wander around the house.

... You win this round.

Bring your best, if you hope to win.

Well, we've been looking for a triangle player.

Impressive. I don't have enormous loads anyway, so maybe that's why it hurts for me. I'm overworking the ol' testes.

If by some miracle I end up in your area, we are GOING to karaoke, and you're singing for me.

I'm a good singer. That's pretty much all we need for a band, right? A guitar, a singer, and someone to print up some posters and drive us to the next gig.