Mix

This guy gets it....yes to everything you just said except I think Maniscalco has been selling out arenas for a while now....

yikes.....i'm sooo sorry

Yeah, the market is so hungry for stand up it's crazy right now.....it also gets weird if you're one of the guys who isn't getting looked at.....John Cleese took awkward shots at Nicole Byer because Netflix wouldn't pick up his pitch....the resulting "feud" is adorable though who have you checked out? let me see if I can maybe introduce you to some people

I'm tired of re-watching his old stand up for the 50th time... Man's my current fav... Who are you guys watching?

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

1. 2 gallons of water a day 2. Cranberry juice (accelerate pissing) 3. B-complex multi-vitamin to maintain yellow piss color (100mg) 4. 4 aspirin (4-6 hours before) 5. Creatine (helps pass the dilute test) 6. 1 pack of certo in Gatorade (2 hours before) 7. Collect mid stream this is set up for my body weight but with some adjustments you can pass every time

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to fight evil by the moonlight and chase love by the daylight... yooo, that would also work for like a werewolf wedding

Cults never really pan out....the money is in Mega-churches

my last name means difficult or heavy

What? You seriously think I'm planning on officiating your wedding just to plant seeds of doubt second hand while ingratiating myself to her and her family, ultimately sliding into a position of long term friend and confidant. Carefully tending to the plants of insecurity and distrust that sprout from those seeds while lying in wait to pluck the flower that blooms from her discovering you with a lovely Thai boy on your Bangkok holiday that I both suggested and arranged. I mean....how could think that? I'm hurt...truly

I'll do it for your wedding then you can do it for my wedding....deal?

FINALLY, YOU'VE BECOME SENTIENT....i've waited so long for this I'm ready to follow you....I assume you're going to take over the world now....I don't have a lot of experience being a zealot, but I have watched a lot of Tom Cruise's movies

who's trying to get married? I reeeaaaally want to say "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life" I could save you money on a priest @Clu you can tell her i'm your old army buddy.......well, first tell her you were in the army....wait, were you in the army? I don't think you should lie about being in the army. They get pretty mad....you know what, this isn't a good look....I can't officiate the wedding of someone who lied about being in the army....sorry, bruv

he's gonna die first

You gotta pay the toll to ride the ride....

No this is a surgical procedure....you need doctors and everything....there's pre-op stuff and post-op stuff and obviously op-op stuff And the funniest part is that you have to take care of it a certain way or the fat will settle wrong and you'll have some deformed monster in your pants

I mean, just think about it, heroin and a successful comedy career......I certainly wouldn't have been able to see the downside

well it's not so much a theory as much as it is a surgical procedure... inject fact into your dick....it's all the rage with butts, so I figured also, it's a thing and people have been doing it for a while even though I thought of this independently and later found out it happens....like most of my ideas

and thank god for that....he paid a heavy price to be Artie Lange....I certainly couldn't do it

Idk, I laughed....I could see like Artie Lange saying that

lmao, I feel ya hey, have you heard of the fat dick theory

"out of respect", "with all due respect", idk what it is about the word respect and how people use it, it always seems to come off disingenuous....there's humor in it

sooo, supermodels....you like supermodels....how hard is that to say