Mix

I got earrings, but I took them out and the holes closed. It was spur of the moment and I wouldn't do it again. They're pretty annoying. I wanted to get a lip ring, but I figured if I couldn't maintain the earrings then there was little chance. Glad I skipped that I got a frenum piercing that healed well, but it lost it's novelty so I took it out. The hole is still there, but no one notices unless I point it out. This girl was fairly close to getting me to get a tongue ring with her. The uses of this piercing were made known to me and there were certain promises made...but I did a little research and started going on and on about forked tongues....that killed her enthusiasm for mutilating herself and I never found the right person to do it, thank god....though forked tongues still look awesome to me....It's still a goal of mine to get with a girl that has one

Robert Klein killed on his episode....I'm watching it for like the fourth time

HA...for once you're not showing me anything I haven't seen...I constantly go on these sites I've said too much

Condom Depot has already done this....they've done it all

And that's that....the first two UFC African Champs in as many months...one more to go at heavy weight

Kelvin Gastelum was in such a hurry to take off his warm ups, his shorts came off and he was standing there in his cup holder....

I used to get so psyched about The WB saturday cartoon lineup I think that was the last period of my life where I remember still being happy...no exceptions, simple pleasures...and you know what, I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that historians will note that the end of Saturday morning cartoons was the beginning of the end....that's when global warming started....terrorism....SoundCloud rappers

Aside from Chappelle I haven't seen any of the others new stuff Check out the half hours showcase netflix put out under 'The Stand ups' series...there are two seasons now....Nate Bargatze, Deon Cole, Aparna Nancherla, Nikki Glaser, and the aforementioned Kyle kinane are on there

I've tried moving from the bed to the couch...now I'm on the floor Sleep has beaten me Are Saturday morning cartoons still a thing?

It really brings out the despair and lack off twinkle in their eyes, huh

I've seen him on late night show for years....long before he did comedians in cars with Seinfeld

This guy gets it....yes to everything you just said except I think Maniscalco has been selling out arenas for a while now....

yikes.....i'm sooo sorry

Yeah, the market is so hungry for stand up it's crazy right now.....it also gets weird if you're one of the guys who isn't getting looked at.....John Cleese took awkward shots at Nicole Byer because Netflix wouldn't pick up his pitch....the resulting "feud" is adorable though who have you checked out? let me see if I can maybe introduce you to some people

I'm tired of re-watching his old stand up for the 50th time... Man's my current fav... Who are you guys watching?

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

1. 2 gallons of water a day 2. Cranberry juice (accelerate pissing) 3. B-complex multi-vitamin to maintain yellow piss color (100mg) 4. 4 aspirin (4-6 hours before) 5. Creatine (helps pass the dilute test) 6. 1 pack of certo in Gatorade (2 hours before) 7. Collect mid stream this is set up for my body weight but with some adjustments you can pass every time

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to fight evil by the moonlight and chase love by the daylight... yooo, that would also work for like a werewolf wedding

Cults never really pan out....the money is in Mega-churches

my last name means difficult or heavy

What? You seriously think I'm planning on officiating your wedding just to plant seeds of doubt second hand while ingratiating myself to her and her family, ultimately sliding into a position of long term friend and confidant. Carefully tending to the plants of insecurity and distrust that sprout from those seeds while lying in wait to pluck the flower that blooms from her discovering you with a lovely Thai boy on your Bangkok holiday that I both suggested and arranged. I mean....how could think that? I'm hurt...truly

I'll do it for your wedding then you can do it for my wedding....deal?

FINALLY, YOU'VE BECOME SENTIENT....i've waited so long for this I'm ready to follow you....I assume you're going to take over the world now....I don't have a lot of experience being a zealot, but I have watched a lot of Tom Cruise's movies

who's trying to get married? I reeeaaaally want to say "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life" I could save you money on a priest @Clu you can tell her i'm your old army buddy.......well, first tell her you were in the army....wait, were you in the army? I don't think you should lie about being in the army. They get pretty mad....you know what, this isn't a good look....I can't officiate the wedding of someone who lied about being in the army....sorry, bruv