GunStarHero

Is that what you tell the high schoolers before you offer to buy them beer in exchange for a date?

Sell me on this episode's premise, Zeni. Will the hero learn that you can never truly go back? Will he find true love? Are you going back to the caveman era to just snatch up a woman? Will you dawn the mask and become Captain Slap A Ho? Will I find out on the next exciting episode of Draginball Z?

This one goes out to Mix

It's his stupid ass "super finger."

The DJ Hero games.

Idk about the best but I recently saw someone with a Dane Cook "SUFI" decal and that was tragically hilarious.

I was hoping you could tell me.

Granted. You enter the Octagon. The Oprah for men, Joe Rogan is present, and also naked. Mike Goldberg, also in attendance, does not seem to mind his co-commentator's lack of clothing. Tonight's fight may not be held at the MGM Grand but it is happening in a hidden basement that connects to the deadly maze that is the lair of the legendary Vegas sewer people. The ring girl for the evening is the venerated princess of ahegao, Belle Delphine. Please stop making that face, Belle. The commentator duo mentions your distinct reach advantage, really it's almost unfair. Breath of the Wild is the clear crowd favorite, but will it be enough? Herb Dean was originally scheduled to ref the fight but declined because it was, and I quote, "fucking stupid." Mario Yamasaki will ref in his place. The judges seem confused by all number of variables at play. Even the age difference is shocking, never mind the allegations of Naraku injecting Game Shark Serum before the match. The fight has begun! Naraku approaches like a some how even more lanky Slenderman, but Breath of the Wild will not be intimidated and stands his ground. Yamasaki's eyes bulge at the sheer courage shown already. He quakes in fear. Best to avoid that part of the ring, lest you slip. Naraku swings in a right hook and misses completely. A barrage of sloppily thrown kicks follow as Naraku makes quick work of the Octagon's fence. Wild finally living up to his name goes buck ass wild on Naraku and tips over onto his big toe. Naraku reels in pain over his latest boo boo. Can he recover? IS IT EVEN HUMANLY POSSIBLE? HOW WILL HE RESPOND? YAMASAKI REFUSES TO BREAK THEM UP! DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, WHY WON'T HE STEP IN!? In a fluster, Naraku lands a devastating ax kick probably. "Wild is on his back! Naraku needs to secure this take down, Mike!" Rogan cries out as he mounts Goldberg from behind. A single tear rolls down Goldberg's cheek. A fit of rage overwhelms Naraku and he lashes out, attempting to stomp Wild and end the fight. But oh my goodness, what is this!? WILD HAS LAUNCHED HIMSELF INTO THE AIR I GUESS AND HAS LANDED DIRECTLY WHERE NARAKU HAS BEEN UNLEASHING HIS UNYIELDING AND INEFFECTIVE ONSLAUGHT! GOD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL! Naraku spots Wild's positioning but it's far too late. His foot comes crashing down. "OH! RIGHT IN THE HEEL, MIKE! IT WENT RIGHT IN THERE! JUST. LIKE. THIS. MIKE!" Rogan belts as he begins violently humping Goldberg. There is no life in those eyes. Mike has given up. Resigned to his fate. It would appear silence really was Golden today. Unbelievably, Naraku has managed to stay on his feet. With tears in his eyes, he lets loose a primal roar. Yamasaki faints. If there is a god, he will end this fight now. Never before has Naraku faced such an insurmountable obstacle. He ponders how he can ever possibly bring down this titan of an adversary. Ah. It's all coming back to him now. He smells what The Rock is cooking. That's right, folks, it's time for the UFC's first taste of the People's Elbow. With a look of determination and a quick succession of slaps to his right elbow, Naraku begins pacing back and forth, bouncing himself off the walls of the Octagon. It's time. With a cock of an eyebrow and a thrust of his right leg, Naraku brings the pain and drops his right elbow directly onto Wild. Direct Hit. Wild shatters to pieces. And also those pieces catch on fire. There is nothing left. He's done it. Naraku has finally beaten that son of a bitch. Breath of the Wild breathes no more. Obama is there. I want the power of interdimensional travel.

Granted, may the Fourth Reich serve you well. I want the power heal.

Had a kitten many years ago that decided 4:15am was Ninja Warrior time. Then he'd trapeze across the room and knock shit over for a half an hour. I say he was disqualified the moment he touched the floor, not to mention the catnip accusations.

Well click on it to zoom in and make a day of it.

Granted... You have made a choice many would regard as terrible. A tragic power now courses through your mortal coil. Not only do you see what lies before you in the light, you see through the shroud of the darkness. Untold horrors and fetid machinations greet you from every angle. You see through time and space itself, the true evil of our realm laid bare before you at every turn. You're off the edge of the map. Here there be monsters. The dead never truly die. They know you see them, they know you are still tethered to the mortal plane. One by one they claw at you, some begging for forgiveness, others seeking vengeance. To them, you are legend. To the dead, you are god. They outnumber the living, 100 to 1, some more broken than others, but all cry out in anguish for your gift. Sleeping will do you no good. You won't be able to anyways. You will never be able to ignore the damned souls that surround you ever again. I want the power to create rainbows!

Someone's bout to catch the people's elbow at 30,000 feet.

Best of luck on that. One of my uncle's has his own private jet but he doesn't fly it himself. Come to think of it, I haven't been on his jet since like 1999. He had this massive CRT TV and like 8 drawers full of VHS tapes. A wise investment.

He is a protagonist in the Shores of Jersey lore and his character is far more interesting than yours.

Oh my god.

You see, Zeni? I told you it's gotten stale. Get some new material. Pretend to be Pauly D or some shit. Just something new.

Pfft got that already.

Setting the snake free... Is that a euphemism for masturbation?

Granted but the only person you can ever interact with is a naked Geordi La Forge. I want the power to brainwash others.

Granted but there is no lubrication so you feel every bit of that bill. And the bills themselves are painfully counterfeit. I want the power to control every volcano.

Granted. Every video game ever released becomes trivial beneath your unyielding might. Nothing escapes you and you complete every challenge, no matter the difficulty, without breaking a sweat. But it becomes boring. No game is stimulating. What was once a leisurely past time is now a chore. You literally cannot fail. Games lose their appeal. There is nothing left. No pleasure comes from crushing every thing you play. You grow bitter. Game devs and other players accuse you of cheating. In a way they're right. But in another way, you no longer care. This once incredible past time has become a joyless husk of it's its former self and find yourself yearning for a challenge. You impose personal handicaps and multitask but nothing can stop you. Before long you swear off it all and quit altogether. Game Over. I want the power of the elements.