Bouvre

Your body is a slip n slide. Which is coincidentally my favorite John Mayer song

You'll always be gay in spirit.

Mine is raising my arms over my head and breathing in and out slowly but deeply. Gets rid of them instantaneously for me.

Haha nah she was hiccuping like crazy

Seems like a pretty logical extension of the phenomenon. Did it relieve the itch?

The other day I'm looking over my to-do list when I hear a PSSST! I look up; it's my coworker. "Hey Ethan, are you a pussy?" she asks. I wasn't sure if I heard her right. "Are you a pussy?" she repeats, quieter. I think about it for a moment. "Sometimes," I say. "Why?" She motions me over. I think maybe she wants me to kill a spider so I ask how big it is. It's only when I get right up to her she says, "Will you choke me out?" "Choke you?" "I got the hiccups. Choke me out. It's how I get rid of them." I've never choked a person before, but I abide because friendship sometimes means choking a motherfucker. She places my thumbs where its effective and I press hard. Outside of my lack of concern regarding the customers walking by eyeing me as I continue, things are going okay until her arm starts twitching. She pulls away. "Well that was weird," she says. "Has that happened before?" I ask "No. Start again?" I decline. The phone rings. I return to work and watch some rando choke her as I take an order for burritos over the phone.

Selected by Fady Joudah as a winner of the 2017 National Poetry Series, Jos Charles’s revolutionary second collection of poetry, feeld, is a lyrical unraveling of the circuitry of gender and speech, defiantly making space for bodies that have been historically denied their own vocabulary. “i care so much abot the whord i cant reed.” In feeld, Charles stakes her claim on the language available to speak about trans experience, reckoning with the narratives that have come before by reclaiming the language of the past. In Charles’s electrifying transliteration of English—Chaucerian in affect, but revolutionary in effect—what is old is made new again. “gendre is not the tran organe / gendre is yes a hemorage.” “did u kno not a monthe goes bye / a tran i kno doesnt dye.” The world of feeld is our own, but off-kilter, distinctly queer—making visible what was formerly and forcefully hidden: trauma, liberation, strength, and joy. Urgent and vital, feeld composes a new narrative of what it means to live inside a marked body.

Because cops are useless, probably

There are so many to choose from. My favorite local IPA is probably Pike Place's Octopus Ink IPA. More national one might be Lagunitas IPA. Overall, my fave beer in general is a trippel known as Monk's Uncle from Pike Place.

Pumpkin Spice has nothing on the level of basic that comes from people like me who fawn over IPAs.

Depends on the down. Something bad happened? Nothing. Give it a day and I'm great. Basic "I don't know why I'm down" is healed over time with things like music, and friends, and a drink. Or anime or movies or books. Anything distracting usually.

Drinking rum and coke, critiquing my spouse's poems while he soaks in a Jacuzzi tub at this romantic suite we're staying in for a friend's wedding.

I don't think I've ever heard of it. Will check it out!

I'd win by asking over and over who he is to his face.

Absolutely. He's one of the funniest writers I've ever read and he's pretty exclusively publishing at The New Yorker and Mcsweeneys. He's also a professional commercial voice actor, which is interesting. King of New York is line by line one of the funniest things I've ever experienced.

Sometimes taking out the trash is the best artistic experience: http://gawker.com/cleaning-lady-throws-away-expensive-modern-art-she-mist-1527595660

Bbg_travels

You were going to scrap this idea like any decent skit writer would, turn in the forged Writers Guild of America card, and take up professional welfare fraud.

My spouse agrees.

At both the defense and the reading. He's busy with his Instagram these days.

Good luck!

Honestly Bey fucking up my birthday plans is the closest thing I could ever come to her being part of my birthday, which is closer than I'd dare ever ask.