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UnevenEdge

Write my essay applying to college


jackiemarie90

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2 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said:

Well I want that same chance man

well just plagiarize this one, then.

“I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes.

I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire.

I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But, I have not yet gone to college.”

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4 hours ago, jackiemarie90 said:

But I can't pay. :(

That's the beauty of it. You don't have to. All you have to do is qualify for all the loans and grants (but mostly the loans) so they still get their money, while the loan providers get to make even more money off of you with all the interest.

Welcome to crippling student debt.

Oh, oh, and don't forget the cherry on top. After you've graduated, the school will continue to hit you up for money, expecting all of their alumni are rolling in it and ready to kick some back to the institute that helped get them where they are.

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3 minutes ago, rpgamer said:

That's the beauty of it. You don't have to. All you have to do is qualify for all the loans and grants (but mostly the loans) so they still get their money, while the loan providers get to make even more money off of you with all the interest.

Welcome to crippling student debt.

Oh, oh, and don't forget the cherry on top. After you've graduated, the school will continue to hit you up for money, expecting all of their alumni are rolling in it and ready to kick some back to the institute that helped get them where they are.

Luckily I qualify for free tuition to get a bachelors degree at any state school. So there that. But no free monies for grad school.

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I feel like I use my degree every day.

Not necessarily in an official capacity; but the knowledge I gained from my major does, I feel, allow me greater insights into the workings of the world around me.

Also, goddamn I love essays.

Nearly 10 years ago when I was writing mine, I arranged it so that the first word of every line read "We're no strangers to love you know the rules and so do I a full commitment is what I'm thinking of you wouldn't get this from any other guy I just want to tell you how I'm feeling got to make you understand never going to give you up."

To this day I still feel that was the best thing I've ever written.

It's lost to history now though; I posted it on the [as]mb back in the day so some of you may have seen it, but otherwise it's like tears in rain brah.

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