Skiles

I thought this said "Who wants to get pregged?" And I was like "That's a weird way to phrase it, and also I am not ready to be a mother." But anyway, yeah, I'm down to get pegged for sure.

I did it in seven seconds. That's not true. It took me like an hour. But I did it, by God. I think this is only the second time I've ever done it. ARE YOU PROUD OF ME YET, DAD??!?!!?

Ladies.

im only 12 and im telling my mom on u

Don't make assumptions. Or you'll make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'mptions.'

But I always practice safe sex! I was wearing a condom when that guy boned me from behind!

I was mostly goofing. I'm actually watching stuff on YouTube and eating an ungodly amount of ice cream. But night time is when my daily minor existential crisis kicks in. Hence the YouTube and ice cream.

iss pretty good, baybee.

Oh, y'know, contemplating my own mortality and how fleeting and meaningless life truly is. Same ol', same ol'.

Twiddling my dick...

Take a couple Benadryl and sleep for 13 hours. Then when you wake up refreshed, shotgun a six-pack of your favorite beer, walk out onto your front porch, and give passers-by the middle finger for a while. That always helps me bounce back after a big project.

It really is eerie how perfect Zac Efron is for Ted Bundy visually. I'm interested.

But I've been working on my sweet rhymes. Check it out. My name is Skiles and I'm here to say I'm gonna fuck a man but I'm NOT gay

Psh. I could probably take him in a rap battle.

But that's not furry porn

Speaking of white rappers, I heard a story once. When someone had Dave Chappelle listen to Eminem for the first time, Dave said, "Someone's gonna kill this guy!" Then when they told him he was white, Dave said, "This guy's gonna be huge!" I don't know why, but that story makes me laugh.

You leave my sheep out of this. They are innocent.

I took an anti-diarrheal pill, but I kinda wished I hadn't. Logically, I would rather shit it all out of me than have it sitting in there.

My guess is it's just a touch of the bug.

Maybe I'll send for some bananas tomorrow. I could run down the street and grab some Gatorade, I guess.

I'd still risk it. What's a little diarrhea between friends?

You're washing the sheets.

I put myself on a strict water-only regimen. Aside from the pop I had earlier because I needed it. I ate some soup earlier too, which is a real indicator of how I feel. Because fuck soup. Soup is bullshit. Be a food or be a drink, y'know?

That's a bummer. You never like to hear that someone is struggling so much mentally that they actively want to die. But I get it. At least he went out on his own terms, I suppose.