Skiles

Well done.

I mean, far be it from me to criticize a singer. I know damn well how hard it is to get good at it. But he's just... SO okay. I mean, he' really decent. Actually, his audition was great. But every time I see him perform, I just don't see what the appeal is. He's a big lovable guy, yes. And he is talented. But man, you wanna talk about karaoke? The other performers on this show have legit star-level talent. But every season of this show seems to have that one singer that sticks out like a sore thumb. Wade is that guy this season. I don't watch him sing and think, "This guy is gonna have hit songs." And ultimately, that's the whole point of shows like this- to make a star. What I think when I watch him sing is "If I saw him performing at a local club, I would think he was pretty good." I can't stand turning something like music into a competition anyway. It's disrespectful to the art form. But in the context of the show, where they're trying to win a singing competition, I don't understand how he's in the final five. NO ONE FUCKING CARES, SKILES, SHUT UP

I'm not just a bad ass, I'm the worst ass.

Yeah, aminals don't count. Daisy has seen my penis multiple times because she follows me into the bathroom during storms, and stares at me while I pee. It's very uncomfortable for me.

It's a bummer because I've been a fan of Ross, aka RubberNinja (ex-husband of the chick that Jared had the affair with) for a long time. He's a really cool guy, and it kinda sucks when a good person gets caught up in bullshit like that. So fuck CommanderHolly for being a homewrecker, but SUPER fuck Jared, who was also allegedly going full Zeni and soliciting nudes from 16-year-olds. You never go full Zeni.

She went too long without a bath, because I'm lazy as shit. When she goes a while without a bath, her hair gets really oily and gross. Then I clean her up, and she's super soft again. Plus, even though she hates taking baths, she always gets the zooms afterwards, which is fun. I even like brushing her, and she loves getting brushed. She'll spread out all four legs like a flying squirrel and just let me brush forever. Getting human food and getting brushed are the highlights of her existence.

I don't. Every other day of the year, I spit on them and kick dirt at them. But not today, of all days. Today, we show love.

Let me get my rubber gloves and hand sanitizer. Nothing personal, it's just business.

YOUR TRUTH IS A LIE

Much respect to all the ladies who shot a baby out her pussy and then raised the fucking thing. <3

Hypothetically, what if you all posted your bank account numbers and a picture of your signature so *someone* can forge it? Wouldn't that be wacky? I mean, hypothetically, of course.

There is no 4. Choose a different number pls.

Because a lady should act like a lady, and that means no sex. Now shut up and have sex with me.

Because receiving anal sex is basically just blowing a guy with your butt.

I'm calling the cops on you.

That's pretty good. Isn't it weird how we can be unsure of something so intensely personal like showing our junk to someone? Like you would think that number would be right there.

It's skin like Barbie, but oddly with a huge bush.

I went the classier route. Because I'm nothing if not classy.

Nah, the joke is that it counts as an acting credit. So now you're a SAG member, as in the Screen Actors Guild. You get the card and everything... I liked the joke more before I broke it down.

So I assume you're a member of SAG now, right?

DON'T YOU WANT ME BABY DON'T YOU WANT ME, OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm sorry to hear that, man. It must suck to have to know your mom is going to collapse and die of a heart attack on a random trail somewhere.

Sweet, dude. Thank God I've never had sex on camera. At least not that I know of. I don't want to think there's any chance a lot of people could see me fuck. I feel bad enough for the few people I've fucked for having to see it.