PokeNirvash

Wait, was this the "cocaine in the 80s" thing, or did he do something colossally stupid between Home Improvement and Last Man Standing that I somehow didn't know about?

You know what, I think now's as good a time as any for me to finally put my personal ranking for the Black Bulls down on digital paper. Remember these are my opinions, so don't go saying I'm objectively wrong or anything if you choose to verbally disagree. It only makes your hate for BC look tryhard, like "calling your kid Asta is literal child abuse!" before it. First place is easy: Yami Fucking Sukehiro. Bathroom issues aside, he's a flawless character. Strong, buff, gives very little of a shit about most things, and entertaining to boot. If there's one objective to this list, it's that he is the best. Second place goes to Secre. Unlike everyone else below her on this list, she doesn't have a one-note gimmick, so that puts her light years ahead of everyone else. Also she spent most of her screentime as a bird, and she was great then. Nothing about her is obnoxious or abrasive, and as little character as she has otherwise, that puts her at the top of the list for tolerability. Plus she's voiced by Monica Rial. I can't hate one of Monica's characters, no matter how much the Vic stans want me to. Third place is Gordon. I was a little disturbed by his design early on in the show's run, and it can be difficult at times to understand what he's saying, but he's truly grown to become one of my favorites as of recent, especially the episode with his family (which I think upped the volume of his whispers on purpose). He's a great guy who cares about his friends, even if his way of showing it is more than a little much. Fourth place... I'm gonna have to give it to Zora. He definitely has flaws to him - his backstory is pretty rote stuff, his mouth movements make it look like he has an unhinged jaw, and the "rainbow stinkbug" gag is pretty juvenile - but past his Dimestore Hisoka look is a "who gives a shit" attitude that, like Yami's, I can respect. Plus he's voiced by Johnny Yong Bosch. I can't hate one of JYB's characters, no matter how much those who were annoyed by his portrayal of Renton Thurston want me to. This is where the rankings start to get tough and penetrate the top layer of subjective territory. A tier consisting of characters I like, but annoy me from time to time. First is Magna. I've gone on record saying that the flexibility of his "wannabe macho man" bit has made him one of the less dreadful of the Bulls whenever they remind the audience of what they're all about 99% of the time. That's part of the reason why he's up there. The rest is Ian Sinclair's portrayal of him. Even at his most obnoxious, you can tell he's having fun with the role. Godspeed, Virgin Street Punk Dandy. Next is Finral. When he's playing the sane man, the coward, or the "well done, big brother" guy, he's perfectly fine. When he's hitting on the ladies, however... yeesh. You can only take so much of it, and that's the one thing I agree with Langris on. After that is Charmy. She's got some great gags when she's on her own, and even the food stuff is enjoyable when done right, but the food stuff is relied on so often during the "multiple character tics at once" routine that it grates on the nerves, even more than Finral's lady-craziness. Really, he and her are interchangeable, depending on my mood. Finral = Charmy on this ranking, is what I'm saying. Following up is the manlet of the hour: Asta [no last name given]. It's been in my nature to root for even the most heinous of "the" main characters since South Park put Stan through the wringer twice - one of which had an extremely depressing lack of a resolution - so of course I was gonna like Asta from the first episode. I'll confess, his "confessing to Sister Lily" gag really isn't funny, but the concept of him having oneitis for a nun of all people is just hilarious to me, to the point where I've joked about it numerous times, from asides in my commentary to making an effortful photoshop out of a Shadbase comic panel. And yes, I'm still planning on writing that "nun fetish epiphany" fanfic; I'm just trying to figure out a believable portrayal of the post-timeskip (because Asta's gonna be 18 in this) given what's going on in the story right now. Luckily, the fact that he spends more time away from Sister Lily than closeby has made that gag less of a consistent concern, so it's strength, determination, and obliviousness for him as far as the gags go, and compared to the rest, they ain't no huge deal. I'll wrap it up here before I get too carried away in justifying my opinions on the human scream generator. Insert Henry here. There's not much for me to think about with him, and the long drawn-out dialogue can get old if you ingest too much of it. An appropriate analog to him sapping your mana if you're too close in proximity. And then there's Vanessa. Definitely attractive, alright when it comes to serious plot, but when you have two character quirks abused for as many cheap laughs out of the low-IQ half of the fanbase as possible, it's actually twice as annoying. I don't blame Angel for losing interest in her. But for what it's worth, I'm making sure her "pot potatoes could be a decent bar snack" line from episode 30 sees fruition in one of my many story ideas. You probably know which one it'll be. Teetering the edge between this tier and the next is Noelle. Tsunderes are not my favorite character archetype, but I'm willing to give them benefit of the doubt if they're dere-dere enough, or their tsun-tsun antics tickle my humerus. Noelle is neither. While I enjoy seeing her development as a mage, and pity her for living with a family of douchebags for most of her life, she is probably the most quick-to-violence tsundere I've ever seen. Attacking Asta whenever she's the least bit embarrassed at his accidental flirtations is beyond groan-worthy, and you don't even need to like Asta to know where I'm coming from with this. She's not the most impulsive-to-violence tsundere on Toonami Swim - seriously, Tokine, slapping Yoshimori across the face for almost saying "cockroach" is just a bitch move for the sake of being a bitch move - but she certainly ranks near the bottom in that regard. This is where I insert the power gap, because after this come the bottom three. My least favorite Black Bulls. Technically the best among them is Luck. Man, this kid is the textbook example of having your defining character trait be your only character trait. Every time he's on screen, every time he has a line, it's always about how much he loves fighting, how much he wants to fight a certain character, and how exciting whatever dangerous thing that happens to him is. Not even in his tragic backstory or Clover Clips can his fight fetishism be escaped. Even Asta's nun love pales in comparison to Luck's perpetual fightboner. Hopefully, with the super-powerful Spade guy's aura having finally rendered him limp, he'll start showing more than just how much cruisin' for a bruisin' he's willing to do. Having watched over 300 individual titles (according to MAL) spanning a wide range of obscurities to completion and coming out the other side relatively unscathed, I'm anime-savvy enough that incest and lolicon don't bother me as much as it does your casual anime watcher. But Gauche... Man. Fuck his gimmick. It's been repeated in this thread several times before, and here I am repeating it again. Nothing screams controversy like a character on the good guys' side who has an unhealthy obsession with his sister whose age hasn't even reached double digits yet, to the point of nosebleeding. The one thing worse than him wanting to bang his imouto is that, for the first three cours of the series, it's all he ever talks about. Marie this, Marie that, can I see Marie now, don't you dare touch Marie... I can put up with a lot of bullshit from so many obnoxious anime characters, but Gauche doesn't have to scream his lungs out, warp his speech patterns, or make nonsense verbal tics to make the audience's eyes glaze over in the hopes of sweet release from either watching Black Clover or straight up living with how much he goes on and on about his dear sister. The only reason he isn't dead last is because, while his gimmick is still a major problem with him as a character, killing whatever intrinsic likability he could possibly have on him, he's lately started to talk about more than just his sister. Joining Asta and Finral on coming up with theories on who does Nozel's hair was the first sign of that, telling Noelle "Like hell you're giving up on my watch!" when she perfected her control over Sea Dragon's Lair was the second, and more extensive moments like playing the sane man in a group of three and reacting like the biggest casual to the spookiness of Gordon's family proved that, when he isn't doing the whole Polaroid-and-nosebleed routine, Gauche could actually be tolerable. Still a freak, though. Still a freak. Which means that last place goes to Grey. Before the reveal of her true appearance, she was the biggest non-character of the Black Bulls: a smoke-billowing giant of ambiguous gender whose face was always hidden in shadow, droned occasionally during the gimmick roll calls, and only acted like they had any character when they transformed into someone else. After the reveal, her 24/7 shyness immediately wore thin, to the point where it superseded Luck and fighting and Gauche and his sister for being the most aggressively consistent marriage of Bull to gimmick of the whole group. And her mouth during her "I'm too shy~" scenes... I fucking hate that squiggly-lined hole more than Angel hates Asta's sparkly shoujo eyes. Fuck Grey. And there you have it. My quick rundown on where the Black Bulls rank in regards to personal stance and why that is. I will not be taking questions, comments, concerns or complaints, nor will I be ranking every single BC character on a scale of 1 to infinity. Thank you, and good night.

Yes, yes, we've already established that several posts ago.

Clearly Vic is one of those "always look on the bright side of life" kind of guys, which is ironic considering the depth of the hole he's been digging for himself since he first wooed the opposite sex.

TOM: "Yeah... Sorry for calling you all racists last week. Too much CNN in one sitting." VENTO AUREO - Leave it to a gimp to completely ignore a painful foot gash. NIGERUNDAYOOO. We ain't done yet, but at least we don't have to worry about the mold anymore. "All that drama over a phone call." It's more likely than you think. Not even Cioccolata's pet man liked him, that's how abhorrent he was. DAT ASS. Almost hoist by his own petard. Come to think of it, that is interesting. Ooh, almost. Zombies can take all of the damage, didn't you know? Damn, Polnareff, what happened to your legs? I apologize for sounding very Foley right now, but how the hell can this guy even see that far, anyway? SUCK ON THESE KNUCKLES. Zipper after zipper after zipper. I do like how they're portraying him swimming through solids. Welp, that's a flooding hazard. $20 says he gets hit by a car. What is it with Araki and freakish portrayals of the human tongue? OOH, RIGHT IN THE THROAT. And all over too, I guess. Even this is too much for a zombie to handle. Nice arrow, Polnareff. Hmm, so he goes by "J.P." now. I don't think anybody outside of comic book readers and progressives are gonna know who Kamala Khan is. Again, where did your legs go? Okay, maybe he just has extremely heightened senses. If you can't beat him your own way, beat him his own. Aw shit he's melting. This is like something out of those "melting in the rain" stories I was told as a kid, only wayyyyy more gruesome. In a way, a car did wind up defeating him in the end. Oh bonus, he got run over too, just as I predicted! And then he was Frogger. "Oh no, actual animals!" SHIT COUNT: 4. Zombie Bucciarati is the best. Oh hi Doppio. The irony of all this is, he could kill him in literally no time at all if his split personality wanted to. KAKYOIN! Your guess is as good as mine what's going on there. And so he joined Cioccolata in death, same final destination and everything. Giorno's very important, that's why he used the full name. His time... it's running out. ASS CLASS - The Kentucky Times. To be fair, the moon blowing up is a big deal no matter what country you live in. Wait, if that newspaper's from Hawaii, why's it called the KY Times? ZA WARUDO. A handy solution. You know how sports people are with their fragile egos. Hmm, not a bad edit. April is the cruelest month, and somehow August wound up worse. He fixed someone's sketch of him, what a very Don Patch move. He's seeing the Yankees, because the Mets are little bitches who refuse to take the field. I'm not super-fond of the orange-head's voice. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH. They got him to molt one month ahead of schedule, that's something at least. His disguise makes the subtle caricatures of Americans look actually quite flattering. He's too depressed to even eat. Koro-sensei sure loves Hawaii. "Are you on a team?" "I was." As cool as I am with "no extracurriculars", that's still a dick move on school's part to disallow that for the people who don't want to be part of the Going Home Club. If his advice is prank the coach, I say go for it. TENTACLE BONDAGE. Hey, you never know until he tries. Koro-sensei, you're the greatest. So focus less on the shoulders, more on the forearms? I didn't even know tentacles could be moe. "Mmm... marker." And so the practice sessions begin. ENGLISH ENGLISH ENGLISH. Dad jokes aren't really your strong suit, Nagisa. "It doesn't matter how you set the mood, just as long as the mood is set." Eh, it's a little late in our season for shaved ice, but still, hitting up the local Italian ice place before it closes for winter doesn't sound too bad. Background characters, move out! [cues up "Knifin' Around"] Uh-oh, you offended them for reals this time. It's good that he's more than willing to make up for his mistakes. "What's with the sea urchin going all Earth Day on us?" Well it is April where you guys are. LEARN AND LET DIEEEEEE. Oh great, let's see what the snooty assholes are up to. Nevermind, we're getting more of the actually cool government guy instead. The principal's voice is too deep for what I can see of his hairstyle. I hope these two losers drown in the pool. Though on the other hand, life at this school looks so much like a nightmare, I'd actually prefer E-Class. Fuck you, Kunudon. I don't think anyone would really mind if some rando came onto that school's main campus and just mowed as many people down as they could. I think he'd rather be called Coach Karasuma. The caveat is, he reduced his speed to Mach 19. The branch has reached its plastic limit. You think he's capable of getting knocked out? I love Koro-sensei's superiority complex. "Strangest. Class. Ever." And yet better than all the studyholic assholes on main campus who will grow up to be emotionally deceased salarymen who spend all night drinking in the hopes that their liver will give out and they'll finally die. MEANWHILE, AT THE JAPANESE CIA. This dude sounds so edgy. I think I'm gonna like him best. Kill them for me, Edgy Redhead Boy. They deserve it. 😈 BLACK CLOVER - Even though we know it wasn't his fault, he still looks super shady. Jack isn't here cause he knows it's better for the audience that he stays away. He's autistic, it's natural for them to space out every once in a while. Charmy's so best she gets her own love triangle. I STAN DOROTHY. You're lucky they're so simple-minded they can't tell you guys apart based on hair color. (Come to think of it, have any of these common folk really seen Julius up close?) Heh, nobody cares about the king. Sekke's suffering knows no end. If there's a silver lining to this guy's obnoxiousness, it's that everyone in-series wouldn't care if he died in some sort of freak occurrence. "Is he almost done or..." Huh, I almost didn't recognize Sekke's cronies there for a second. This guy's ego is so big it makes even Seto Kaiba uncomfortable. Thank you, Yami and Jack. "Beanstalk" is a better insult for him, but it's way too clever for this show. And yet, I don't feel as much of an urge to murder that crowd as I do everyone at Kunugigaoka Middle School that isn't Class 3-E. Leave it to Dimestore Griffith the Redemption-Seeker to know what it takes to please a crowd. Sucks to be you, Sekke. HAVE MY BABIES. Who doesn't love Ron Perlman narrating everything? It's one of the reasons the early seasons of 1000 Ways to Die are so fun to watch. Well, at least we had the first act free of Asta. And at least he's keeping his mouth shut for once. Dangit, Yami, not everyone is lactose-intolerant like you are. Goddammit Jack. (Also, reaffirmation that "piss" is indeed grounds for an automatic L subrating.) Crazy old kid. Don't disturb him, he may lash out. JUMP DOWN A WELL AND BREAK YOUR NECK DUMBNUTSIO. Everyone loves pyramid charts! Isn't it odd that they've gotten this far into the re-exposition and the arcane stage hasn't been brought up once? Dimestore Griffith the Redemption-Seeker, indeed. And in come the resignations. Or not! If anything, I'm just glad he's being cooperative about the whole deal. Leave it to Jack to go straight for the violent option. Oh hi Steamed Hams. "I'mma cube this motherfucker real good!" Why yes, it is possible to pardon someone against their will. Born too late to explore the Earth, too early to explore the universe, but at the right time to see Asta quote The Godfather. ECONOMICS. Yami's lack of giving a shit is just as much at fault for the Black Bulls' overall reputation as the members' own antics and character tics. And then they drank 'til their hearts stopped. You a surprisingly good dude for your name and costume design, Vangeance. Come to think of it, I have been eating less Lay's products lately. SHIPPUDEN - A samurai ninja, the most deadly opponent there is. What, you don't recognize the face of the guy you beat the shit out of a hundred episodes ago? I think "ronin" is as close a designation as you're gonna get. And now the story of how Naruto knows this dude. Don't be a dick, Choji. There was a bit of a disconnect between what Tsunade was saying and where she was pointing on that map, so I had to do a replay of the scene in order to catch everything. Is that Yamato? Meanwhile, random Deidara and Sasori cameos. Nice of you to join us as well, Hidan and Kakuzu. Any opportunity to show him off without officially breaking canon, I suppose. That castle looks more mesa-like than I expected it to. That would be the expected option, but filler is always unexpected in nature. FOOD FIIIIIIIIGHT! From experience, the only thing Naruto's good at impersonating is his Rule 63 counterpart. I do like how Ino's less inclined to get comically angry when arguing with Naruto. Those must be the BBWs who kidnapped Sasuke in that "Your Mom" fanfic I read over a decade ago. Eh, dignity and grace aren't really things eating contests are known for. Mmm, anpan. It's amazing how much younger he looks without the orange jumpsuit and headband. Geez, look at those lips. And there's the guy. It's the best bowl of ramen he's ever eaten, but at what nutritional cost? Heh, turns out the prince actually does like ramen. TECHNICAL KNOCKOUT. What an appropriate line to cut to commercial with. You may hate him now, but wait 'til he tap-dances on your grave after he ignores your cries for help. Damn, samurai training looks tough. It's a little something we with common sense like to call, "tough love". But what will the food for the final round be, I wonder... How fitting, that Yamato would blend in with the trees. He calls it, the Speed Sushi Challenge. The Mind Transfer Jutsu noise is my favorite cartoon sound effect, right next to Golden Joe's phasing sounds. Huh, so he can transform good, at least better than back when he had trouble mimicking the Third's appearance. Leave it to the experienced old man and the token beauty to clean house. With how much this guy dislikes soft foods, I imagine he'd hate pudding. "That's not how he normally speaks..." You can't go wrong with charcoal-grilled meats. What's with the random hairdresser in the back? They're gonna need two hands for this one! Unfortunately for them, he's eating at Mach 20. When all else fails (or in this case, wins?), just ninja your way out of it. And it's mortgage-free, the best kind of house there is. Oh yeah, that basket's gonna come in real handy. OH, THE HUNGER...

Impressive, but I'll have to pass, sorry.

Being the optimism-leaning engineer I am, I'm hoping this is just a cheeky dig at VB's constant hiatuses and Jackson liked it because he found it funny, while everyone's taking it seriously because it's nearly impossible to convey sarcasm through internet text.

No, that's Gordon you're thinking of. He's honestly one of the better ones.

Great video.

The incestual attraction, the age gap, the fact that it comprised his screen time so much early on that it defines him even when Marie goes unmentioned for an entire episode... Yep, Gauche's one-note gag is definitely the objective worst out of everyone's in BC. (Even though Grey's stupid squiggly mouth pisses me off more.)

Alternately, Grand Theft Auto 3. "It's like Shenmue, but you can do anything."

I know most anime taking place at a school are supposed to have a baseball episode, but this is a little soon for one, isn't it? Oh well, at least it's here in time for baseball season. 12:00 - Dragon Ball Super #83 - Field the All-7th-Universe Team! Who Are the Mighty Ten? - TV-PGV 12:30 - JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind #32 - Green Day Tea and Oasis Sanctuary, Part 3 - TV-MALV 1:00 - Assassination Classroom #2 - Baseball Time - TV-14 1:30 - Black Clover #130 - The New Magic Knight Squad Captains' Meeting - TV-PGL 2:00 - Fire Force #17 - Black and White and Gray - TV-14SV 2:30 - Naruto Shippuden #309 - The A-Rank Mission: Food Fight! - TV-PG 3:00 - Samurai Jack #58 - XCVII - TV-14V [teeena]

You've never heard of Bad Boys II Shenmue?

With Yami coming in at #2 being the shittiest taste of all, on more levels than one.

The Japanese can't handle a strong female character such as her.

You know, just last month I was thinking about making a hypothetical Shenmue anime after watching Super Eyepatch Wolf rave about the first two games and completely lambast the third. Thank you, [adult swim], for saving me the trouble. Now I can put in more effort than I already have been into Kinky Kunoichi 2: Not All Cops Are Bastards.

I'm hoping it's some actual video footage for their Blade Runner series.

Aqua TiVo Avoidance Plan. I'm still waiting on that one, dammit!

Appare-Ranman! 10 Man, fuck Gil. Fuck him right in his snake eye.

Is that some sort of pun-based hint, or are you just trying to be cute?

Mob S2 and Konosuba.

Ikebukuro West Gate Park (J-Drama) 7

It's a Japan thing, Mochi. Us Americans wouldn't understand.

In a capitalized format, yes.

The Vic hate was fun when it was at its most relevant. Now it's just bordering on sad.