Codename: Jackass

I'm pretty sure the people who work suicide hotlines are volunteers, for the most part.

YOU AND ME SHOULD GO OUTSIDE AND BEAT 'EM BEAT 'EM BEAT 'EM BEAT 'EM BEAT 'EM BEAT 'EM ALL PATHETIC FLAG-WAVING IGNORANT GEEKS AND WE'LL EAT 'EM EAT 'EM EAT 'EM EAT 'EM EAT 'EM EAT 'EM

I feel like people just post the suicide hotline number to salve their own conscience or make people think they gave a shit. It's like "Hey I don't know you or really care that you wanna take yourself out but I did something by posting the hotline number. See?! I totally care. Not my problem anymore."

I'm not driving all the way up to Connecticut!

They are remarkably easy to dispatch.

call ambulance it burns

Surely just false flagging so the pod people can hoard them for themselves! I'm gonna have one!

Yes, rack and peanut. You know, the rack and peanut steering! The rack is falling apart and my wheel wobbles really bad. I need to see the car medic.

I also have needed a new rack and peanut for over a year. That will be remedied soon. Do you enjoy the power of two tons of steel?

Yeah, cowards that can only fight in groups.

Manlets... when will they learn?

Tired of paying on my car. I'm a little more than halfway through the note.

They smell so tasty, I think it's lime flavor. I'm gonna try one!

Shut up Mark, you aren't my real dad.

I can lift all the ants.

Wisdom is knowing what you don't know about your ex-wife's new boyfriend. Damn

Wow

It only feels like a circlejerk to you because you put so much effort into being as unlikable as possible on here.

That's my self portrait btw

How does this image make you feel?

ROBOT ASS

I didn't do anything like that, just got really fucked up and then one of the younger guys that we knew got way too drunk and threw up all over the bathroom floor.

My grandma's funeral was a couple days before my cousin's birthday and we decided to get ripped on Everclear/vodka trashcan punch and Everclear margaritas at the birthday party to drown our sorrows. My fifteen-year-old ass wasn't prepared. That was the day I tried to run down a halfpipe.

Did you like my tale of the legendary Black Jack?