GunStarHero

Frequently find themselves engaged in gunfights at the local Cracker Barrel because they can't stop calling Reagan a pussy.

Runs a racket selling horses they lure away by sticking an ice cream cone in their back pocket.

Claims to have invented the question mark.

Had a hyped up cameo in The Might Ducks movie but was such a bad actor they were told to just keep quiet and stay in the back.

Was accused of stealing Clyde "Sweetfeet" Livingston's World Series shoes from a charity auction and as a result was sent to Camp Green Lake to dig holes out in the sweltering heat as punishment, which was attributed to the curse placed upon his no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather and by proxy his entire family.

Left it to Beaver.

Watched the first episode. Not bad. Laughed a couple times but I get the feeling this isn't strictly a comedy by any means.

His mind is telling him no, but his body? His body's also telling him no.

I just think god fucking sucks at playing this game.

Moonlights as a Greeter at the local Wal-Mart. Doesn't actually work there but no one seems to notice.

Made a killing selling Viagra exclusively to Jerry Buss.

Despite all his rage, is still just a rat in a cage.

Philly cheesesteak pizza. Did some bourbon pork and rice at work for a test run. Going to swap to chicken for the sake of mass appeal and run it next week. Opted to use apple juice in the marinade and it ended up being the right call.

Once met Dennis Rodman at the airport and has since spent every night waiting for him to call and invite them to North Korea.

Captain Planet, he's a hero, gonna tank your ratings down to zero.

Always packed an extra chicken nugget into every order.

Assisted in the smuggling of Eastern European PEZ dispensers into the United States during the 1990s.

Joined Heaven's Gate but overslept and missed the comet. Kept the sneakers.

Ghost writer for The Wiggles. Most notable work is Fruit Salad (yummy yummy) Never played it.

Is actually a limeade.

Can cook Minute rice in 58 seconds.

Knows deep down that it is not, in fact, butter, but simply cannot avow that such an ostentatious affront to our creamy, dairy compatriot could serve as any manner of suitable substitute.