[classic swim]

Remembers his first time with a prostitute where he was like “it’s actually time for you to stroke my penis. It’s actually time for you to do that.”

Sat next to Nicole Kidman for a screening of Madea Goes to Jail. He also found a promotional golden egg in the auditorium.

I haven’t had the means for modding in a long time. I’m also just uninterested with it when I know my system’s as stable as it will ever be. There’s at least one I’d want and I still wouldn’t take any chances for when it runs awful.

He got banned from the movies for yelling at the projector.

Has his own lists of episodes titled The Tao Episodes.

Refuses to eat anything without reading the nutrition facts.

Said “Thank you, Jerry Seinfeld!” to the Hardee’s/Carl’s Junior person who joked about how big his baconator is.

That’s a good idea, ghostrek. Say ghostrek, can we sniff and play with your Mr. Hoonies?

Ok Burger King we gotta make a new commercial. It’s been five fucking years of the same song. Bring out the costume, hire some Z list actors, do something.

Loved ones and eh relatives couldn’t make it to the US yet (or never did at all) so that made Skype’s crappy web cam seem cutting edge for a minute. It’s weird that and Xbox Live was feasible to me and not everyone putting surveillance cameras in their living rooms.

No I don’t wanna put ranch on any dish, the hell makes you think I’d wanna dip my wings in ranch?

Tackled a running lifeguard into the pool as he was about to save someone.

Told the Sonic roller-skating lady he wanted funyons and tossed the onion rings at the back of her neck.