[classic swim]

He walked into Taco John’s and thought he could stay at the lobby all day ‘cause it brought a smile on his face.

The mail that never fails make him wanna wag his tail.

I googled his age because I don’t believe you that he’s 53 and your RIP thread from 2022 came up.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHA PICKLE RUCK11!1!1!1!!1!1!1

Getting close. Turning it off if it’s really more Rick & Morty shit.

Brings a needle to the beach and deflates the volleyball every time it rolls over to him on accident.

Puts a scoop of ice cream on his head with a cherry on top so he can be the Ice Cream Man and impress the divas.

40-50 years ago, Playboy pages were needed to pull your pudd... there was no vulgar comedy of any sort on TV. So you needed MAD Magazine when reruns of Hogan’s Heroes weren’t cutting it. There’s a good 30 year stretch where MAD’s only capable of flaccid bullshit potshots against something so very out of their league. They’re the satire comic that omits they were only funny when Civil Rights leaders were still alive.

When he sees a movie on TV he doesn’t like he’ll undo his pants and sit on a whole set of hot mashed potatoes in front of the lady he’s dating.

Just have a backup plan is all. That “gracious celebratory event” because her mom and dad believe Cogswell Cogs asked Abraham to kill the son of Isaac was really just a reason for dumb bitches to drink fruity non real beers at a Greek restaurant at your expense. Don’t put a ring on it because she might not like the way your shoes smell one day and your life is fucking overrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I’m glad I don’t have to think about her every single day like I used to. On some level it’s fucked only because it felt like she owned me for so long, but she’ll divorce and marry and divorce again while I’m the sucker that gets to keep all my shit from a court order. Good luck with that house because you’ll need it.

His neighbor Tabitha tried feeding him the choo-choo train of brussel sprouts when he was a baby and he said “get that shit away from me, d-ddd-dumbass!”

He got some Peter Rabbit chocolate bunnies for half price at Dollar General because he’s the Easter Bunny.

Orka shork bork shorkala pork, ork shorkafork porbork. Borshorkashork, workaborshorkshork forpork boshorkaqork uork korknork uork foocorkabork corka shork aborkshork a poborkabork shorkshork? Euork asshorkshork torkesjorksjork uorkork evorkda aorkabork whcorkchork stuorkapork subork, yorkashorka corkcork corkapork iorqorkasoquhork?

How I felt when they tore down the Williams St mural to make way for more 2K a month Midtown apartments.

Missions of each title 1. Reuniting The Families/End of The Line (San Andreas) 2. Rub Out/Keep Your Friends Close (Vice City) 3. Blow Your Cover/Three Leaf Clover (GTA IV) 4. Revelation/Eternal Sunshine (Saints Row 2) 5. All The King’s Men (Saints Row 1) 6. Room Service (Mafia II) 7. Collector’s Item/Was it Worth it? (TLAD) 8. Chinese Takeout/Party’s Over (TBOGT) 9. Sayonara Salvatore/Uzi Rider (GTA III) 10. The Colonel’s Coke/Cash in Kazuki’s Chips/Grave Situation/Rat Race (Vice City Stories + Liberty City Stories + Chinatown Wars)