The holidays are a difficult time of year because it makes me realize again how separated I am from my family.
It would also be nice if I tried a little harder to make these relationships better but its difficult to deal with people who haven't respected my boundaries.
What gets me most upset is that its been nearly 15 years of this stale air - 15 years of feeling numb, angry, and sad this time of year bc so much trauma was passed down to my parents and then to us. I'm unlearning a lot of bullshit so that I can breathe easier everyday, but its still not enough to make me not feel like absolute shit rn.