NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 My posts aren't always honest but erything in this one is completely true. Please ignore any past/present tense changes, I know it's annoying but can't help myself. I get to work and my socks and shoes are soaking wet because I had to walk through grass and ditches the morning after a storm, there are no sidewalks where I live. I get there right on time and talk to a girl who used to do my new job, she says it's easy which puts me in a good mood. The hiring/HR manager comes and gets me, for the next four hours she will be doing orientation with just me and this other new hire for a different position, a great big fat guy. No idea his age, he easily could've been younger than me or older by 20 years. No idea, just a humongous bald blob with no distinctive features other than fat and a large Confederate flag tattoo on his left forearm. That isn't a disqualifier for a working with the public service industry job here, for some reason. It takes the HR woman about 15 minutes to get my time card number to do right. While she's working on the issue we're making small talk and I happen to mention having poor eyesight, this sends her off on a long tangent that begins with "I hope this won't offend you but I'm a believer in the Lord" and ends with her having her poor eyesight healed at age 19 by a Christian healing preacher, "the eye doctor had never seen anything like it," she now has 25/20 vision. As an atheist thinking this is the dumbest shit I've heard all day and it's not even 10 AM, I am made highly uncomfortable throughout this story but respond positively because this is the woman who hired me and I'm not even officially clocked in yet. We get our employee manuals, on the first page is a "message from the district President" except she informs us the name and full page photo of the man the generic welcome to the team message is attributed to is no longer the district President and hasn't been for quite some time. Then we watch a bunch of ridiculous corporate training videos and fill out these workbooks like it's first grade. She knows they're stupid and skips a lot of them, after a couple of the ones we did watch she says "I should've skipped that one." At the end of this I have some blank questions the videos didn't answer. I ask her "what are the four C's?" She can only name two of them and searches the office for a poster she used to have with them on it but doesn't find it, so that gets left blank. During the videos the main manager leaves his office and has to pass by us so introduces himself, asks us how we're doing and tells us to ask him if we ever have any questions, asks what positions we're going for, when I tell him mine he says I'll soon know more about it than he does (because it's so far beneath him), I joke that if he ever has any questions about it to ask me, he doesn't seem to realize I'm joking and humorlessly reiterates how little he knows about it before walking away. It's two and a half hours in at this point so we take our 15 minute break. Me and the fat guy sit ourside instead of in the break room. His wife used to work here so I ask him some questions but he doesn't know any of the basic ones I have about healthcare. He's a pretty slow guy in general, says words slowly and doesn't seem very smart, nice but I can't really stand talking to him. Then we go back and there's leftovers from the morning manager meeting so the three of us spend 10 minutes eating some chips and bean dip and pinwheel turkey wraps which I eat because I'm no longer a strict vegetarian -- I no longer *buy* meat, but will accept poultry if offered fo free. It's pretty good. The fat guy eats 4 of the pinwheel sandwiches, the HR lady and I each have two. We do a tour of the place and she points out minor stuff that is wrong and makes a couple phone calls bothering people about why the stuff is wrong. I see the department I requested but didn't get is full of attractive young girls which adds to my dissatisfaction with where I am being placed even though it's probably the easiest position. /Zeni Next we go get uniforms. I get a couple shirts, pair of pants, and a hat I'll never wear. She asks the fat guy "which size" when obviously she should just give him the very biggest they have and hope to Christ it covers enough. He tries on the biggest they have in a bathroom and comes back saying it's way too small. She says that's the biggest they come in and keeps asking in different ways if it'll work and he keeps saying no. She asks if he could wear a tank top underneath it and he says no because their shirt only covers like half his stomach. She reiterates unnecessarily that it's the biggest size that they come in and asks if he has any shirts close to the color. He says no but he has a shirt much lighter. She says that won't work and asks if he can get one in the right color within two days but he special orders them, so she tells him to just wear the one she's giving him in the meantime and she'll try to order him some bigger if that's possible. In my head I'm just like the fuck with the color, let dude wear his shirt that fits. Ultimately this is what she says after he continues refusing to wear the 2XL that is visibly way too small for him without it even being on his body. Finally it's time to do computer training in a very cold room. By this point our 4 hour shift ends in 30 minutes so I agree to stay an extra couple hours to get done as much as possible. I ask if there's a chance I could finish all my computer training today, she says I definitely won't get done with everything today. Spoilers: I get done with all my training with 45 minutes to spare, but by the time I was starting mine the big man was still asking her for help with just logging on/getting to where he needed to be in the program, so I could see why she assumed I wouldn't finish quickly. The courses themselves were really easy and since it was just me and him in the room I could've and should've fucked off on my phone or in the bathroom or something instead of plowing through them. Some of the revenue and waste statistics disgusted me, and there was a portion about shrinkage that stressed most theft is done by employees and I think literally said "if you see something, say something" as if I'm seriously going to betray my fellow $8 an hour employee in order to protect corporate profits. The big guy heads out early and I finish all my shit so I go back to her office 45 minutes earlier than when I could've milked the clock til. She sounds skeptical that I finished "ALL??" of the unskippable PowerPoints/videos and easy lil quizzes so soon but says I can leave, tells me if there's any unfinished I'll have to do them when I come in next. I'm like k but they're done though and leave. I go back in about 8 hours and my feet have painful blisters on them from spending hours in wet socks, my walk tomorrow should be a dry one though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 sounds like a bullshit outfit, I'll trade you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 sounds like a bullshit outfit, I'll trade you. I'm trying not to give away exactly where I'm working or what I'm doing, but most of my computer training was about emergency stop buttons and the different classes of fire extinguishers, so it probably wouldn't be much of a change for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I work at a convenience store but I'm pretty sure I know how to wrangle an emergency stop button and how to tell fire extinguishers apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Oh yeah and one of the videos was about imminent automation that will eliminate very many man hours, the HR lady added "they haven't said yet when they're starting that but I hope it's soon, we're excited." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I bet she is, that fucking heartless bitch. She'll be excited right until she's automated out of a job. I wonder what the millions of people automated of of jobs will do. Probably lose everything and die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 dammit nab, how come some like poof have a much more interesting stories while being shorter at the same time? even zenis stories are more interesting even though they are 99% fake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 I work at a convenience store but I'm pretty sure I know how to wrangle an emergency stop button and how to tell fire extinguishers apart. If your convenience store sells gasoline than it won't be much of a change for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I bet she is, that fucking heartless bitch. She'll be excited right until she's automated out of a job. I wonder what the millions of people automated of of jobs will do. Probably lose everything and die. only a matter of time now before we get replaced by robots at work. by that time maybe we'll have a good federal social programs to help people out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 If your convenience store sells gasoline than it won't be much of a change for you. Water fire extinguishers put everything out. Aim at the top of the fire since that's the hottest part and shoot a straight stream at it. Go stomp it a little, especially if it's liquid or electrical. Wa-la, it's out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 only a matter of time now before we get replaced by robots at work. by that time maybe we'll have a good federal social programs to help people out? That's not how you Make America Great Again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 That's not how you Make America Great Again. whats the alternative? people cant work so they become homeless and or starve to death? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 dammit nab, how come some like poof have a much more interesting stories while being shorter at the same time? even zenis stories are more interesting even though they are 99% fake. Wasting people's time is the ultimate troll + this might help drum up some venmo donations in my next pitiful beggar thread. Also poof whores for a living and zeni is a sociopath, their stories are far more interesting than most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Water fire extinguishers put everything out. Aim at the top of the fire since that's the hottest part and shoot a straight stream at it. Go stomp it a little, especially if it's liquid or electrical. Wa-la, it's out. The video of the fireman pulling a burning fuel nozzle out of a gas tank was bad ass. Will replicate if given the opportunity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 whats the alternative? people cant work so they become homeless and or starve to death? Less dirty poor people hogging dollars and resources that belong to the corporations, man. America is for the rich and powerful, as is the rest of the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 The video of the fireman pulling a burning fuel nozzle out of a gas tank was bad ass. Will replicate if given the opportunity Sounds hardcore. My uncle's a fireman, maybe I can get him to give me a demonstration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Wasting people's time is the ultimate troll + this might help drum up some venmo donations in my next pitiful beggar thread. Also poof whores for a living and zeni is a sociopath, their stories are far more interesting than most. theres no worse troll than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'd probably toss you a few bucks but I get paid $7.50 an hour and $150 of my check is gone as soon as I get paid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 theres no worse troll than that. Don't worry, part two will be coming after today and it will definitely be better. Definitely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'd probably toss you a few bucks but I get paid $7.50 an hour and $150 of my check is gone as soon as I get paid. That's okay I'm not seriously fundraising, most people here are poor or hate me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Don't worry, part two will be coming after today and it will definitely be better. Definitely I'm looking forward to the riveting conclusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Don't worry, part two will be coming after today and it will definitely be better. Definitely i'll hold you to that O0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 That's okay I'm not seriously fundraising, most people here are poor or hate me. Hey man I don't hate you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Less dirty poor people hogging dollars and resources that belong to the corporations, man. America is for the rich and powerful, as is the rest of the world. america is for nobody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 i'll hold you to that O0 *cackles trollfully* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 america is for nobody. America is for me. The rest of you commoners just don't know it yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarPanda Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I read all that 7/10 would read another one of you long post again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 dammit nab, how come some like poof have a much more interesting stories while being shorter at the same time? even zenis stories are more interesting even though they are 99% fake. DIsagree. I rate story 6/10... would read again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnmjy Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 america is for nobody. america is the land of opportunitysts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Then we go back and there's leftovers from the morning manager meeting so the three of us spend 10 minutes eating some chips and bean dip and pinwheel turkey wraps which I eat because I'm no longer a strict vegetarian -- I no longer *buy* meat, but will accept poultry if offered fo free. It's pretty good. I read all of this JUST for this part of the story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quebecelegy Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 part 2??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 part 2??? I got off at 5pm today and go in at 5am tomorrow. They already doing this shit. Woke up tired today and after the walk home and walking the dog I'm too tired to recount how the first day of on the job training went, so expect a mega update tomorrow. It was some real bullshit though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enad Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 This is a very long-winded way to say that you're upset Hillary Clinton is running for president again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 This is a very long-winded way to say that you're upset Hillary Clinton is running for president again. Don't spoil the ending for the IB crowd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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