Jump to content
UnevenEdge
This Folder has been Archived!

Boost

Rogue_Alphonse

By Rogue_Alphonse
in Free-For-All

 Share

Recommended Posts

Rogue_Alphonse Monster Mutant

Rogue_Alphonse

Posted
Posted

I have an old fireplace bellows that has a length of surgical tubing ran from the tip to the intake just in front of the MAF sensor. This seemed to be the most logical way to force more air through without damaging the engine components.

At first, I tried to manually pump the air by mounting the bellows to the dash and cranking it up and down as I  attempted to gap fuckers by using the center turn lane at red lights. The problem with this was, being that I am boosting a 4 on the floor beetle, it was tricky to coordinate all the different actions required as I would row through the gears while applying that additional PSI. I could choose 2 out of 3 actions with regard to slamming the tranny for intimidating money shifts, steering, and applying the boost, but not all 3 at once due to a lack of additional extremities. I considered having a friend ride along to handle the boost duties, but for obvious reasons that wasn't a possibility.

One method I experimented with in trying to perform all actions was to steer with my left knee while shifting and pumping the bellows. This wouldn't work as I wouldn't be able to lift the clutch. The right knee was considered, but quickly forgotten because only civic drivers lift off the throttle while shifting. The right foot would need to stay planted, and the left foot needed to be available to work the clutch. No go with repurposing a leg.

One day, in frustration, I laid my forehead on my steering wheel at a red light so that other drivers wouldn't be able to witness my tears over being unable to operate this vehicle. I thought that maybe I'd never have the skill to handle such a powerful machine. But then it hit me: I can steer with my head! When the light turned green, I placed my left hand on the shifter, right hand on the bellows, smashed the gas, dropped the clutch, then pressed my forehead back into the top of the wheel and proceeded go laugh across the intersection. The insurance claim that resulted helped me to realize that I would need to be able to see where I was going, ruling out the use of my forehead.

I wasn't ready to scrap the whole head, though, so moved on to trying to use my chin. This worked to a degree, but there was no way to grip the wheel with my chin and the wheel would slip and the car would quickly become uncontrolable under the the extreme boost.

I tried to bite the wheel, but I wasn't able to wrench my neck to great enough angles to steer the car more than a few degrees off of its path. This also wasn't going to work.

I knew I was getting close though, so I didn't want to give up. I just needed a way to rotate the wheel with my head that also allowed me to keep my head up right and eyes on the road. When my finally figured it out I felt like an idiot. The solution was so obvious, I would use my mouth, but I wouldn't bite the wheel. I would need some sort of long, slender handle to fix to top of the wheel. I could then put my mouth over it, hold it tight with my lips, and allow my saliva to lubricate the handle as my lips slid around it.

At first I tried duct taping a section of a broom handle to the wheel, but the splinters were unbearable for anything more than a trip around the block and the tape allowed for too much wiggle for the handle steer precisely. I would need something more smooth and way to attach it to the wheel firmly.
[21:37]
As it turns out, my sister is a lesbian, and like most lesbians, secretly craves and wishes she had a penis. As such, it was only logical to assume that she owned a strap on dildo. I explained to her what I was attempting to do and asked her if I could have her strap on to use as a mouthpiece for my muscle car. Like a complete bitch, she refused. Well, she has a regular 9-5 job and is out of her home for most of the day. Due to my dedication to refining my ride, I hadn't gone to work for about a week. I was fired, but I wasn't exactly devastated as building beefy five layers didn't satisfy my soul in the way I thought it might when I first applied. Having no job combined with laughably brittle windows equalled me being in position of my sister's sex toy rather easily.

Upon returning to my car, I wrapped the straps as tightly and securely around the wheel as I could. The dildo protruded straight and strong from the top of the wheel. I gripped it tightly in my hand and gave it a couple dozen good tugs to ensure it's stability. Hardly any perceptible movement. Perfect.

Hand on the plastic cock, I looked up to admiring my work, eager to test it out, when I saw a rather unremarkable example of a Midwestern female seated inside a corolla glaring at me in disgust. I could feel the condescension seeping out of her as she looked over my bellows beetle. Any other day, I knew there was no chance of outperforming her Toyota precision machine, but now with my masterwork completed, I was willing to take on anyone.

Without breaking eye contact with the suburban female, I spat in my hand and rubbed my saliva over the steering device, ensuring I was properly lubed before taking her to gap town. I started my engine, placed my left hand on the shift knob, right on the bellows, slid my mouth over my steering handle, and revved it up in neutral while I pumped the boost in vigorously. I could tell by the look on her face that she was scared. She broke eye contact and pulled away from the stop sign without even so much as a slight peel out. I had won. I had constructed a machine so powerful that I could end a race before it even began.

This is power you spooly bois can't even begin to understand. So, if you ever find yourself at the long red light at the intersection of 13th and Pine, I'd suggest you make sure the guy next to you doesn't have anything in his mouth before you try to issue a challenge.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...