Bread is Dangerous!

[Real_AirCooledGirl]

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years, infant mortality rates were unacceptably high, many women died in childbirth, and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough". It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than a minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300% federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (Which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "bread-free" zones around schools.

[cyberbully]

I know this is a tepid troll, but I don't like bread either

[tsar4]

 

[Seight]

This will have a drastic effect on the concept of "Let's get this bread!"

[Sawdamizer]

[Ric]

This thread reminds me of that I Am Bread game.

[Rogue_Alphonse]

[//>wagz./]

//> you ever eat a bread sandwich ?/

[Real_AirCooledGirl]

9 minutes ago, //>wagz./ said:

//> you ever eat a bread sandwich ?/

Why? So I could just eat bread? No, I'd rather have meat between those buns.

[//>wagz./]

11 hours ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

Why? So I could just eat bread? No, I'd rather have meat between those buns.

//> bread sandwiches are good you can put anything on it ./

[tsar4]

9 hours ago, //>wagz./ said:

//> bread sandwiches are good you can put anything on it ./

Who would want a billiard table on a sandwich?

[//>wagz./]

On 8/3/2021 at 7:42 PM, tsar4 said:

Who would want a billiard table on a sandwich?

//> risk takers ./