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UnevenEdge

7 mistakes to ruin your evening


wacky1980

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i can usually talk just about anyone out of starting a bar fight. i call it my pacifist approach, and it almost always works. last night was one of those exceptions. so this older dude was in there last night, and as soon as we got to the bar he started staring me down (mistake #1). it took me a few minutes to remember him as the guy who came in, asking for work a few months ago. i took his name and number down and told him i'd call if we had something open up (my nice way of saying no). anyways, he remembered me, and was acting a bitch the minute i stepped in. pretty sure he was on something a little stronger than beer too (he kinda had that tweakin' stare). i pretty much ignored him and let it go. maybe dude was having a bad day, whatever. 

anyways, as we sat there for the next half hour or so, i noticed he was getting all personal with random women (mistake #2). putting his arm around them, giving really creepy hugs, getting a little grabby, and getting in way too close. it made me uncomfortable, so i quietly asked one of those ladies if he was being a bother. her eyes instantly said "YES" so at that point i stepped in. i was quiet and polite, non-confrontational and respectful the whole time (the pacifist approach, right?). i simply said "dude, i need you to leave these ladies alone. you're making them uncomfortable." this weird mofo stood up and gave me that angry stare again, but he didn't do anything else (i was ready to take a punch but he didn't throw). i kept coaxing him away from the table and back up to the bar, where i bought him a beer and tried to explain to him that everyone was just having a good time and i didn't want anything to ruin it for anyone. he kept giving me that angry stare, and was muttering slurs just quiet enough that i couldn't understand him. anyways, he kinda calmed down and took a seat at the bar, so i went back to my table and sat down too.

about 10 minutes later, one of my off-duty bartenders and his gf walked in. this dude wandered right over to them and started hugging on the gf (mistake #3). bartender (the same one who wussed out a couple months ago and dropped a table on my foot because he was afraid he might get a sliver lol) was trying to back the dude off, but he wouldn't go away. bartender was getting frustrated, so told the dude "you need to rub one out before you come up to the bar next time" and that pissed the dude off to the point where he was getting a little too aggressive with bartender for my liking (mistake #4). we knew bartender wouldn't be able to fight the dude off because of the whole being kinda a wuss thing. so my wife and i decided it was time for the dude to go.

wife got to him first and pushed her way in front of everyone else, and told dude to grab his coat and gtfo because he couldn't keep his hands to himself. he started mouthing my wife (mistake #5). by the time i got up next to her, she had him herded back to his coat and on his way towards the door, and he was slinging really lame insults the entire time (at one point he called my wife "white trash" which she is definitely not, but she responded "you're right i am, but this ain't no contest so quit trying and get out". love this woman, btw). we had him about 10 feet from the front door -- wife, myself, and another bartender who was on-duty. the entire time i was talking to him, i kept my hands in my pockets because pacifist approach. dude finally decided he didn't like it, so he drew a fist and started coming in at me (mistake #6). i was gonna let him start doing whatever he was gonna do before responding, but no one else was about to let that happen.

on-duty bartender, she was the first to get him by the collar. she started backing him towards the door and telling him he does NOT raise a fist at her boss. wife also got herself in there, pushing him towards the door. another former bartender who was sitting right there, also grabbed hold of the dude and started moving him towards the door. here i am, mr. hands-in-pockets, and i have three women taking out this dude who tried to throw in on me. i felt like i had my own all-female enforcers crew. it was kinda awesome. anyways, at that point i told the other bartender to call the police. the guy started pushing back, but eventually these ladies and another guy got the door open and gave him a final shove out the door. dude hit the ground, stood back up, and decided it was a good idea to randomly punch the first person he could reach (mistake #7, the clincher). turns out he hit a guy who was up there with his buddy, and both of those guys are pretty well-known for fighting. so in about 5 seconds, these two guys had the dude face down on the sidewalk, a knee in his back and apparently choke-hold applied. wife and i were hollering at them not to hit the dude, and luckily, i don't think they did. they just kinda sat on him until the cops showed up.

dude ended up going to jail for disruption. punched buddy outside didn't press charges because i don't think he took a very hard punch, although he did come out with a split lip. and everyone in the bar (well, the ones who looky-loo'd outside) cheered when dude was put in the squad car and carted off. we all went back inside, i wrote up a statement for the police, and that was it.

moral of the story, kids: peace isn't always the answer. sometimes you gotta toss a bitch by force.

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8 hours ago, wacky1980 said:

anyways, as we sat there for the next half hour or so, i noticed he was getting all personal with random women (mistake #2). putting his arm around them, giving really creepy hugs, getting a little grabby, and getting in way too close.

 

6 minutes ago, wacky1980 said:

dude was being too friendly with patrons. i told him to knock it off. he did it again. he got the boot. pretty standard.

Yeah, not gonna let you change your story when the contrary is literally in this thread.

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3 hours ago, Still Me said:

Kick some ass next time...dude was a cunt...fuck that cunt up

there's a fine line you have to walk, deciding when an ass-kicking is warranted instead of just dealing with a situation quietly. rough up too many lousy patrons, and you develop a reputation as a place that's no fun (odd as that sounds). let things go for too long, and you develop a reputation as an "anything goes" bar, which is even worse. i'm a fan of the 2 strikes rule. you get a warning, and if you keep fucking up, you get the boot. 

this is one of those situations where i easily could have sent the guy out on the first strike. i was hoping i could talk some sense into him, because it usually works. this time, it didn't. 

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6 minutes ago, naraku360 said:

 

Yeah, not gonna let you change your story when the contrary is literally in this thread.

there's nothing contrary there. dude was sliding up next to women at their table, putting his hand around their back / shoulders, leaning in closer than a stranger should be leaning in. when he grabbed some lady's hand as she was resting it on the table and she pulled away, that's when i went in to back him off. 

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19 minutes ago, Still Me said:

Dude....that means the same thing ?

"Too friendly" and being "grabby" are entirely different things.

And he did specify a distinction between hugging strangers and getting grabby toward them. So, grabby sounds like it's going too far to warrant a mere warning.

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23 minutes ago, wacky1980 said:

there's nothing contrary there. dude was sliding up next to women at their table, putting his hand around their back / shoulders, leaning in closer than a stranger should be leaning in. when he grabbed some lady's hand as she was resting it on the table and she pulled away, that's when i went in to back him off. 

That's not really what "grabby" would typically refer to in this situation, but then again you also didn't realize "diddling" is slang for molestation, so...

¬¬

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39 minutes ago, wacky1980 said:

there's a fine line you have to walk, deciding when an ass-kicking is warranted instead of just dealing with a situation quietly. rough up too many lousy patrons, and you develop a reputation as a place that's no fun (odd as that sounds). let things go for too long, and you develop a reputation as an "anything goes" bar, which is even worse. i'm a fan of the 2 strikes rule. you get a warning, and if you keep fucking up, you get the boot. 

this is one of those situations where i easily could have sent the guy out on the first strike. i was hoping i could talk some sense into him, because it usually works. this time, it didn't. 

You bought the dude a drink, let him grope someone else, FINALLY decided the dude had to go when he got an attitude with your bartender, and then because you're playing pacifist so everyone can have a good time, your wife was the first one to step up. Is your bartender male/female/other?

Oh and newsflash, YOU DON'T GIVE GROPEY PEOPLE MORE ALCOHOL!

Edited by SorceressPol
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15 minutes ago, naraku360 said:

That's not really what "grabby" would typically refer to in this situation, but then again you also didn't realize "diddling" is slang for molestation, so...

¬¬

gee guys, arguing about the definition of words sounds like a great way to spend the evening, but i think i'm gonna have to pass. 

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Just now, wacky1980 said:

gee guys, arguing about the definition of words sounds like a great way to spend the evening, but i think i'm gonna have to pass. 

As per usual, the "I don't feel like having this conversation" when you get called out.

I'd be willing to bet your "pacifist approach" in reality amounted to little more than quivering behind the counter while your wife borrowed your nuts.

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11 minutes ago, SorceressPol said:

You bought the dude a drink, let him grope someone else, FINALLY decided the dude had to go when he got an attitude with your bartender, and then because you're playing pacifist so everyone can have a good time, your wife was the first one to step up. Is your bartender male/female/other?

Oh and newsflash, YOU DON'T GIVE GROPEY PEOPLE MORE ALCOHOL!

already said he wasn't drunk. and it's a pretty standard method to bring someone under control. i've done it literally dozens of times and diffused most of those situations successfully, for the remainder of the evening.. 

dude got an attitude with an off-duty bartender after the dude started hitting on the bartender's gf and he told the dude to back off. wife was the first one to get to him because i was talking to another customer. also, i didn't mention before, but we were at the bar with friends, and not officially working, in those situations, i normally entrust the bartenders to handle the riff raff, and they normally do a very good job of it. this guy wasn't being loud or fighting, so it avoided their attention, and that's why i stepped in.

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5 minutes ago, naraku360 said:

As per usual, the "I don't feel like having this conversation" when you get called out.

I'd be willing to bet your "pacifist approach" in reality amounted to little more than quivering behind the counter while your wife borrowed your nuts.

because you're splitting hairs over the definition of a word. again. it's pretty much your go-to argument anymore, ignoring the greater picture because you found some minor angle that produces results. there are other people in this thread who have told you you're wrong about "grabby" in this context, but you won't accept that your interpretation of this thing isn't valid. i'm not interested in trying to convince you otherwise because it's really not important overall, nor is it a worthwhile use of my time.

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18 minutes ago, wacky1980 said:

because you're splitting hairs over the definition of a word. again. it's pretty much your go-to argument anymore, ignoring the greater picture because you found some minor angle that produces results. there are other people in this thread who have told you you're wrong about "grabby" in this context, but you won't accept that your interpretation of this thing isn't valid. i'm not interested in trying to convince you otherwise because it's really not important overall, nor is it a worthwhile use of my time.

I'm not splitting hairs. If you're talking about a guy touching people inappropriately, then tack on "getting a little grabby" to the description, anyone with more a couple functional braincells would read that as sexual assault rather than "grabbing hands and shoulders". This isn't "not seeing the bigger picture" since the interpretation literally comes from the context. :|

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10 hours ago, wacky1980 said:

i can usually talk just about anyone out of starting a bar fight. i call it my pacifist approach, and it almost always works. last night was one of those exceptions. so this older dude was in there last night, and as soon as we got to the bar he started staring me down (mistake #1). it took me a few minutes to remember him as the guy who came in, asking for work a few months ago. i took his name and number down and told him i'd call if we had something open up (my nice way of saying no). anyways, he remembered me, and was acting a bitch the minute i stepped in. pretty sure he was on something a little stronger than beer too (he kinda had that tweakin' stare). i pretty much ignored him and let it go. maybe dude was having a bad day, whatever. 

 

 

37 minutes ago, wacky1980 said:

already said he wasn't drunk. and it's a pretty standard method to bring someone under control. i've done it literally dozens of times and diffused most of those situations successfully, for the remainder of the evening.. 

dude got an attitude with an off-duty bartender after the dude started hitting on the bartender's gf and he told the dude to back off. wife was the first one to get to him because i was talking to another customer. also, i didn't mention before, but we were at the bar with friends, and not officially working, in those situations, i normally entrust the bartenders to handle the riff raff, and they normally do a very good job of it. this guy wasn't being loud or fighting, so it avoided their attention, and that's why i stepped in.

Oh forgive me. You didn't think he was drunk but possibly under the influence of drugs and decided that giving him free booze would remedy his aggressive behavior. I was under the impression that you were the owner of the bar. I didn't realize that once you're off the clock, you're no longer obligated to make sure that your bar remains a safe area for customers, and that entertaining your friends would be a higher priority.

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16 hours ago, SorceressPol said:

 

Oh forgive me. You didn't think he was drunk but possibly under the influence of drugs and decided that giving him free booze would remedy his aggressive behavior. I was under the impression that you were the owner of the bar. I didn't realize that once you're off the clock, you're no longer obligated to make sure that your bar remains a safe area for customers, and that entertaining your friends would be a higher priority.

it was a fucking bud light. :| 

i really enjoy hearing from people who think they know better though. please, keep dropping your thoughtful and experience-laden insight upon me. as a "professional" writer, you should be quite good at accepting criticism. well, now is your time to dispense some criticism of your own. just let it flow, lady.

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