What's the funniest thing you have ever heard

[death_by_motorboat]

Mine is that Barack Obama is the only president there ever was, you see?  He's got the time machines and atomic matter de-stabilizers to travel to any point in creation he wants to. 

He still the smartest prez ever. And he can fly.

[Phillies]

Mom told me to get a job.

[Mini_ghost420]

every sound I hear and any word anyone says to me is hilarious

[1938 Packard]

Mine is that Barack Obama is the only president there ever was, you see?  He's got the time machines and atomic matter de-stabilizers to travel to any point in creation he wants to. 

He still the smartest prez ever. And he can fly.

Cattle can destroy the global atmosphere by farting on it.

[nameraka]

i once had a student turn in an essay about the constitution where she kept referring to her four fathers.

[1938 Packard]

i once had a student turn in an essay about the constitution where she kept referring to her four fathers.

Sounds like the shit my older brother went through back when he was teaching at Temple.  His bosses were telling him to give them passing grades.

[death_by_motorboat]

i once had a student turn in an essay about the constitution where she kept referring to her four fathers.

 

I did an entire term paper referring to

 

PTSD as PPSD

 

it was because of the psychological symptomatic similarities.

 

In my head Post Partum Stess and Post Traumatic

Stress Disorders were interchangable because of my study habits

 

And I wrote the paper wasted, and tired

 

 

[pneumantion]

I was living in the hood and this little white girl couldn't have been more than 5-6, gets off the school bus and runs down the street screaming, "ni**ers everywhere! ni**ers everywhere".

[little_girl_lost]

a clown cumming in my ear

[rilkean_heart]

https://www.polygon.com/2017/10/9/16447460/rick-and-morty-szechuan-sauce-mcdonalds-fans-anger

[discolé monade]

'mom! i love  salty nuts!!!' ~ my 4 year old