Skiles

I'm glad you guys are starting to see my point about the cell phone thing.

Things never got that far.

Speaking of the WWE title, I keep having a horrible, terrifying vision of tomorrow's Smackdown. Here's what I see. Kofi and The New Day are celebrating in the first segment. Kofi is cutting a victory speech promo, talking about the hard work he put in for eleven years, and thanking the fans for their support. Suddenly, Vince's music plays. Out comes Mr. McMahon, with a smug smirk on his face. "Congratulations, Kofi, you proved me wrong at Mania, you proved you aren't a B+ player and you won the WWE title. But I'm the chairman, dammit, and that isn't your championship, it's MY championship, and you're going to defend it whenever I say. And that includes tonight, against THIS MAN." Kevin Owens' music plays. Cut to the end of the night. Kofi and KO put on a hellacious match. And then, just when you think Kofi has it won, Bryan and Rowan interfere, costing him the match and the title. Kevin Owens is the new champion. Because Vince McMahon hates us all and we aren't allowed to have nice things.

Short, but both guys still looked strong.

You know, it's weird because all in all, the results were the right results. Booking-wise, I wouldn't have changed a thing, except the Sensational Invitational (which is what the Women's Battle Royal SHOULD be called). There are a couple women that could have been put in that spot ahead of Carmella, but I still don't hate that she won.

John Cena doing his Thuganomics thing was pretty cool, too.

I really liked Takeover. The tag match with War Raiders and Blackochet was really dope. The Pete Dunne/Walter match was brutal, but in a good way. I didn't peg them putting the NXT title on Gargano, personally. It felt like Adam Cole's time, and it felt like the right time to bring Gargano up to 205 Live, which the rumor and innuendo would have you believe is WWE's plan. I'm gonna watch G1 sometime next week, when I'm not busy.

It was going okay, until I realized that I didn't have a girlfriend, and the random lady I was talking to was calling the police. How weird is that? It's like, "Yeah, no shit I'm standing on your lawn, I THOUGHT you were my girlfriend!" Women are so weird sometimes.

Also, John Cena reprised his Thuganomics gimmick, which was fun.

The Kofi/Daniel Bryan match is worth looking up and watching sometime. Aside from that, you definitely didn't miss any classics.

Meh.

Cool, man.

And then my spurs clang as I hop on my horse and gallop away.

Imagine that being said in an old cowboy voice for optimal comedic effect.

Well, I mean... I've tried to see how far I can back away from the bowl. Y'know, to measure distance. I don't think I've ever attempted any sort of curve or bank shot, though.

Actually, save for one shirt I bought online a couple weeks ago, all the clothes I currently own, I got at a homeless shelter.

Personally, I do most of my grocery shopping at the grocery store.

Boy, that sure gets me in the mood to watch Giant Gonzales vs. The Undertaker. Just kidding, that match was actual literal garbage.

To see if you could piss away from a toilet? I'm sorry, I'm not following your logic.

Why did you start pissing facing away from the toilet?

I'll be there next time, probably maybe.

BUMBACLOT

I'm here all week. I refuse to leave.

In Jamaica, if you go against the establishment, is it called "sticking it to the mon"?