Vamped

They really had us out here believing they were incestuous cousins and this whole man was a woman

I get distracted by memes on the internet easily so they probably think I'm always pooping to be honest

Sorry for your loss

GET OUT

This lady at the park asked how old the miniature was .... and the proceeded to ask .... Oh wow he's tall ... is your husband tall? Me, 5'11 and unmarried: Yaaaahp

Me: every time somebody comes in my office to ask me a question Oh shit ... or is retarded only bad when directed at other people?

FML

That one doesn't look familiar.

Ah yes. This is stress eating

I don't pretend but it'll take a minute before I'm comfortable enough for some foreign person to also eat snacks in my bed.

Damn I miss DDR. We played the shit out of that.

I won't lie to you. I'm not good There will probably be a kid talking in the background when I forgot to re-mute my mic. Sometimes I forget and start talking when my mic is muted. I accidentally killed Evangelo the last time I played because I thought I was shooting a tall boy.... apparently the bullets uhm .... didn't make it that far So .... yeah

It's super slow today .... this is bad. That means it's going to be hella problems Monday

So I just found out that at the new job .... they REALLY get into Halloween I'm participating ... barely

I don't shop at Wholefoods. I just go for the experience and leave with a Samosa.

I'm not paying 65 dollars at Target for a microwave I can get for 29 dollars at Walmart.

Yeeep. My kid is bad ... he doesn't even know how to pretend to be sorry to not get in trouble

This adulting thing is dumb. Every time I feel like I'm advancing somewhere, it feels like I start back over from square one

Look up dongs on YouTube

I ... am not good at conversation