@Poof I'm so sorry you have had these experiences.  I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry and offer you a long, empathetic hug.  I won't go into a long post about myself but I can relate because I've pretty much been abused by men my whole life.  Men who have bullied me as a child, men who have fetishized me sexually due to my size ("I'll date you but I need to keep it a secret because my friends and family might not accept you because of your weight" and yes, even though this happened a number of times I went along with it because I wanted someone to love me and find me attractive), men who have molested abused and sexually molested me as a child, and, just recently, an ex I thought was my friend, raped me in February of this year.  It seems like my whole life I have been emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, and rejected by men.  Anyway, I don't want to hijack your post but I just want you to know I understand and empathize and if you ever need to talk my inbox is always open.  ((hugs))