Codename: Jackass

I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Seth hasn't been putting up numbers like his brother but he's been looking pretty solid starting in place of D-Will. And then Yogi Ferrell came out of nowhere too. I just wish they could get Fultz in the draft but they're about to completely play themselves out of a lottery spot.

I don't think you appreciate the depth and gravity of my sorrow.

I'm turned on

It's all overpriced.

You didn't know? They've been that way for a while.

I'm sorry

Deviated septum

The General Mills Company became dead to me when they changed Trix from fruit shapes to puffs.

RIP in peace

being a shameless weeb was cool in 2005.

I don't do this habitually but those beans and brussels sprouts called my name. Do you understand? I had to have it man.

I don't know how that happened but it did.

Classic

Hit me right in the feels famalam, I know what you mean.

Part of it's how sensitive you are to that kind of stuff but the bigger thing is being in the right place at the right time. It's likely that cabin wasn't haunted at all, even though someone died there.

Jesus Christ

I shouldn't have said thrown. More like "pushed" in his direction. He just packed his shit and got the hell out. Guy wasn't known to make up stories like that either, he was trustworthy.

Grandma's house was just really freaky for the first year or two after she moved in. The upstairs never lost that really creepy eyes in the back of your head feeling. Three of my cousins lived there at different times and all of them have at least one story about freaky ghost stuff, like seeing a man in a brown suit standing on the balcony and disappearing, or finding the toilet lid up after they put it down the night before and they being the only one upstairs.

Everyone who believed in that kind of thing and even some people who didn't at first said that one of the longtime professors that got that theater program off the ground was the one who hung out in the catwalks and grid. You'd hear noises in there every now and then, footsteps, creaks, just stuff that shouldn't be going on in an empty building. A couple times I had my shirt tugged on. Pretty innocuous, really. Another guy got a chair thrown at him in the shop but I wasn't there to see it so I had to take his word for it.

I remember when I was going upstairs in my grandma's house and I heard a door in the upstairs hallway shut by itself. That was freaky. Or the time I was in the theater auditorium at school and someone/thing started banging on the grid 50 feet up. Everyone there was accounted for. That was freaky. Or the time I saw a bunch of red lights in the sky doing crazy shit like splitting apart and doing 360s and stopping on a dime and reversing and I flipped shit at that one too.

oh in reality it's a really really bad police composite photo of some criminal in like Moldova or Hungary or somewhere like that.

I remember at my old job how we could abuse break time with impunity and nothing ever happened. Hell, just don't log out of the phone and they can't even say you weren't there. That was so great until our constant dicking around cost us that contract. Then I moved to another line of business that made me want to kill myself.

Being on some sort of upwardly mobile trend instead of stagnating and waiting to die. 2013 feels like so long ago. Oh, and Sprite Remix.