I have come to the conclusion that my relationships fail.....Not because of any of the traditional bullshit, but because......I'm in love with me. My ego and narcissism is what prevents any woman from being able to reach my unattainable standards. I find myself often going through my own pics, comparing pics of myself with other pics. My vanity doesn't stop online....I spend a lot of time in the mirror after I shower.....I watch myself lotion up, I masturbate to my own films, I never compliment anyone other than myself. I really have come to be hung up on myself.
And don't get me wrong, I'm no Idris, or Shemar, or whatever lame negro is dropping panties these days aesthetically......But I'm ME.....Have you met me....I'm a big deal.
Like I really feel it's the Vegeta complex.....Despite knowing there are others better than me, I'm painstakingly blind to it. This makes it impossible for me to ever feel that losing a woman is permanent or even worth trying to avoid. They are so easy to replace when you aren't emotionally attached.
And it's not like I don't try......I seriously wanted to swallow my pride and marry my girl, but then I'm like "Why, why would I give myself to someone when I can have me". The biggest shock to my system isn't breaking up.....It's when they leave forever and only ONE has successfully done that, and that's the violent bitch who tried to kill me in my sleep. I guess unless you try to murder me, I know you still love me and that's the only delusion I need to continue being the broken tool I am.