[classic swim]

Was asked to leave Olive Garden and steam started emerging from his ears.

Walks up to someone at the public pool and says “it’s actually time for you to get your shit fucked.”

Had money under the table for USA Network to run 4 seasons of "The Seight Show! Starring, Seiiiiighhhhht!"

Please fart cum into Steve Schrippa’s wine glass so that we can hold hands and put our lips to it at the same time

Dons a propeller hat, holds up a big lollipop and dances in a circle to Happy Together by The Turtles.

I apparently got so drunk that I bent the ever loving motherfuck out of my house key and an waiting for a spare. But I brought more beers on the way out so instead of being a hungover jackoff, I’m just drinking more and jolly that if someone put a fucking gun to my head and pulled the trigger it would never matter, I love amounting to fucking nothing for all of humanity.

Buffalo chicken with fries, Colt 45 and however much Sam Adams and Rolling Rock I’ll want after this miserable week.

Yeah they’re gonna reshoot all 26 episodes of the anime in Fartnite graphics.

Hahahahahaha

Lent me his RC plane so I could help ghostrek fight off Berkley.

Takes a golf cart along highway traffic.

Oh.

Thank you MD.

Nope, I’m pretty sure the first sentence is a violation of human decency.

Have the courtesy to leave a fucking note on the door. Bare minimum of being a lazy inconsiderate cocksucker that’s unhelpful to society.

Nails suck. I’d believe they grow even in death because they’re that much vain.

Fiona Apple wanted to strike him at the Compton City Hall because he said WAKA WAKA just like Fozzie Bear.