[classic swim]

Throws tomatoes at the strippers he doesn’t like.

Follows me into the strip club to start a food fight.

The Cheetah Lounge tried charging him a twenty dollar admission fee and he said “oop.. you better shuck on my giblets.”

Taught ghostrek how to do the Martian Hop.

Homer should’ve fucked Lurleen.

Likes to take an Uber from his house to Antarctica and when the Uber says “ok that’ll be 27 thousand dollars” he’ll go WAAAAAAILLLLLLLLLLL

Put on a hibachi chef hat and a novelty mustache and walked into Cracker Barrel’s kitchen so he could throw the Angel Food cake at all the other chefs.

He broke up with the woman in Virginia after she undid his boxers in the bed to inserted chocolate bonbons in his butthole while he slept.

Met a woman in Virginia who’s going to give his fuzzy naked buttcheeks a Kudasai massage.

Convinced ghostrek to dance with the turkeys in the woods.

I could bring Jesus Christ into this pawn shop and pluck his cunt hairs right in front of them and they still won’t take shit. In a building full of infinitely useless fucking garbage. But they’ll take Packard’s anal beads for 240 dollars.

————— ... • 2001 Lazlow had spent the entire time hosting the wildly popular Chatterbox. It had been on LCFR for years, but only since July ‘01 has it been successful enough to earn its own station. Chatterbox would shut down the following year due to Lazlow’s dabble in payola.

... • 2001 Saint Mark’s neighborhood was never the same. The locals didn’t like Joey & Anthony the way they loved Don Salvatore. The only way La Cosa Nostra could save face in Liberty was having the Gambetti family absorb what’s left, and making Jon Gravelli the last charming old face of the Commission.

Wrote a fanfic where Woody Woodpecker’s the one that says “WELCOME TO MY WORLD, BITCH!” at the end of Freddy vs Jason.

... • 2001 Kanbu took on the role of Waka Kashira for Johnny Zoo and the Yakuza. Following Asuka & Kenji’s death, Yakuza also gave up on their ventures with Liberty. They could cut even that most of their rivals on the east coast got it harder than they did.

... • 2001 Half of the Cartel was killed in the assault on the Cochrane Dam. SPANK strain was over, which meant the drug trade would revert back to the usual coke, heroin, meth, etc... Colombian Cartel retired to Cedar Grove until eventually moving business elsewhere.

... • 2001 Claude was left to play around in Liberty City and revel in the chaos he’s inflicted. Most of the city wants him dead. The couple gangs that are allied catch on eventually.