Should I change my name?

[Distinct Lunatic]

Talking about real life name, not name here. Obvious story time, but I want to hear what others have to say on getting a name changed. Also if I were to, how do I go about doing so? Would I need a lawyer or would it be as simple as going to a courthouse and filling papers?

Simply put I've always hated my name, my first name eventually came around though, back in the 90's and early 00's it was a name stereotypical for nerds, though since then it's moreso accepted.

My last name though I really want changed, it being my step-dad's, and I have very mixed feelings towards. I'm 27 now, and I'll say that as a kid I was somewhat fearful of him, and then for well over a decade (into my early 20's) I've hated him, it not being until recent years that he's finally become a pretty decent person, but I still don't think fondly of him. Another issue I have with my step-dad is how my first and last name is named after his loser brother, my middle name I take pride in since it's my mom's dads middle name, I consider him the greatest man that I'll ever know, him dying back in 2010.

I've always hated my last name, it being a very German sounding name, starting with a B. As a kid everyone would mispronounce it, and with how kids are a weird sounding name usually results in them making fun of it, something I wouldn't want kids of mine dealing with if I ever have any. I also feel like there's no need for me to carry the name anymore, cause my mom and step-dad had a kid of their own back when I was 19, the kid can continue that name now. When it comes to my real dad, I have no relationship at all with him, he had 5 years where I had to visit him for weekends and Summer, and during all that time he made no attempt at making me like him. I don't hate him or dislike him, I have no relationship with him and likely never will, and I'm alright with that. It's his dad, my remaining grandfather that I care strongly for and moreso why I want to take on what would have been my birth name. As it is right now, since my dad's sister is married, and my sis got married sometime ago, my dad and his dad are the only ones left with the name. Their last name starting with a C, and it being a Welsh/English name which is much more fitting considering I'm around 74% English/Welsh with the remaining percent being Irish and less than 10% German. While I don't care for my real dad at all, their name sounds a lot better than mine, and one that I can get behind.

The problem comes more so from the fact that I'm worried about a reaction from my step-dad, he's definitely been a whole lot more of a dad than my real one (even though I hate a lot of things about him and went through so much because of him, I also blame him for a large contribution of stress that played a part in my mom's dad dying back in 2010). He has done a whole lot for me, and will continue to do so. I bought a house of my own a couple months ago, and he's willing and able to help me with anything without asking for payment. I also worry about his feelings, since I'd imagine he'd probably feel betrayed to some degree. I think the thing that could help is since he knows my gramps, my step-dad has been going to AA for several years now, and my gramps despite being sober for around 40 years still goes to them on Mondays. While my step-dad doesn't like or think highly of my real dad, he has a much better opinion of my gramps, so with him being my reasoning I think it will be alright.

Or who knows, maybe I could be one of those guys where if I ever do get married will take the wife's name instead.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Distinct Lunatic

[Lasty]

35 minutes ago, Distinct Lunatic said:

Talking about real life name, not name here. Obvious story time, but I want to hear what others have to say on getting a name changed. Also if I were to, how do I go about doing so? Would I need a lawyer or would it be as simple as going to a courthouse and filling papers?

Simply put I've always hated my name, my first name eventually came around though, back in the 90's and early 00's it was a name stereotypical for nerds, though since then it's moreso accepted.

My last name though I really want changed, it being my step-dad's, and I have very mixed feelings towards. I'm 27 now, and I'll say that as a kid I was somewhat fearful of him, and then for well over a decade (into my early 20's) I've hated him, it not being until recent years that he's finally become a pretty decent person, but I still don't think fondly of him. Another issue I have with my step-dad is how my first and last name is named after his loser brother, my middle name I take pride in since it's my mom's dads middle name, I consider him the greatest man that I'll ever know, him dying back in 2010.

I've always hated my last name, it being a very German sounding name, starting with a B. As a kid everyone would mispronounce it, and with how kids are a weird sounding name usually results in them making fun of it, something I wouldn't want kids of mine dealing with if I ever have any. I also feel like there's no need for me to carry the name anymore, cause my mom and step-dad had a kid of their own back when I was 19, the kid can continue that name now. When it comes to my real dad, I have no relationship at all with him, he had 5 years where I had to visit him for weekends and Summer, and during all that time he made no attempt at making me like him. I don't hate him or dislike him, I have no relationship with him and likely never will, and I'm alright with that. It's his dad, my remaining grandfather that I care strongly for and moreso why I want to take on what would have been my birth name. As it is right now, since my dad's sister is married, and my sis got married sometime ago, my dad and his dad are the only ones left with the name. Their last name starting with a C, and it being a Welsh/English name which is much more fitting considering I'm around 74% English/Welsh with the remaining percent being Irish and less than 10% German. While I don't care for my real dad at all, their name sounds a lot better than mine, and one that I can get behind.

The problem comes more so from the fact that I'm worried about a reaction from my step-dad, he's definitely been a whole lot more of a dad than my real one (even though I hate a lot of things about him and went through so much because of him, I also blame him for a large contribution of stress that played a part in my mom's dad dying back in 2010). He has done a whole lot for me, and will continue to do so. I bought a house of my own a couple months ago, and he's willing and able to help me with anything without asking for payment. I also worry about his feelings, since I'd imagine he'd probably feel betrayed to some degree. I think the thing that could help is since he knows my gramps, my step-dad has been going to AA for several years now, and my gramps despite being sober for around 40 years still goes to them on Mondays. While my step-dad doesn't like or think highly of my real dad, he has a much better opinion of my gramps, so with him being my reasoning I think it will be alright.

Or who knows, maybe I could be one of those guys where if I ever do get married will take the wife's name instead.

If he asks, just tell it was a whim.

[Distinct Lunatic]

1 minute ago, Lasty said:

If he asks, just tell it was a whim.

I couldn't do that, despite being an alpha male I worry too much about upsetting those around me.

[Lasty]

Just now, Distinct Lunatic said:

I couldn't do that, despite being an alpha male I worry too much about upsetting those around me.

There's no such thing as that anymore.... Alpha male or not, you shouldn't worry about upsetting people if it's your name. That's what's important. You have to take care of you however you can. Your reasons for wanting to change your name sound pretty legit, and anyone who can't identify with that can go ahead and be upset if it suits them.

[Distinct Lunatic]

1 minute ago, Lasty said:

There's no such thing as that anymore.... Alpha male or not, you shouldn't worry about upsetting people if it's your name. That's what's important. You have to take care of you however you can. Your reasons for wanting to change your name sound pretty legit, and anyone who can't identify with that can go ahead and be upset if it suits them.

True, and I do imagine step-dad would probably be bothered at first but eventually ignore it.

I'm also not sure about all that would come from doing so, like with legal papers and stuff. Would I need to go and update everything, needing new credit cards and such? There's also with my mortgage papers if I'd need to change anything there. I'm assuming probably not since your birth name and legal name are both acceptable, your birth name still being classified as your name. Also not sure if I'd have to update things with my social security, and so on.

[Lasty]

8 minutes ago, Distinct Lunatic said:

True, and I do imagine step-dad would probably be bothered at first but eventually ignore it.

I'm also not sure about all that would come from doing so, like with legal papers and stuff. Would I need to go and update everything, needing new credit cards and such? There's also with my mortgage papers if I'd need to change anything there. I'm assuming probably not since your birth name and legal name are both acceptable, your birth name still being classified as your name. Also not sure if I'd have to update things with my social security, and so on.

You could check in with those respective agencies to inquire.

[Doom Metal Alchemist]

How did you end up with your step-dad's last name in the first place?

I really have nothing of value to add, other than from what you've described, I would change your last name back to your father's last name.

By your description, I have what I think is a pretty good guess to what your first name is. 😆In my experience, people who don't like their first names either alter it somewhat (Jonathan / Jon / Jonny), or, what would probably be a good option for you, is to go by your middle name. I knew a few people growing up that went by their middle name rather than their first name.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Doom Metal Alchemist

[Distinct Lunatic]

1 hour ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said:

How did you end up with your step-dad's last name in the first place?

I really have nothing of value to add, other than from what you've described, I would change your last name back to your father's last name.

By your description, I have what I think is a pretty good guess to what your first name is. 😆In my experience, people who don't like their first names either alter it somewhat (Jonathan / Jon / Jonny), or, what would probably be a good option for you, is to go by your middle name. I knew a few people growing up that went by their middle name rather than their first name.

When it comes to online stuff like with FB I  go by my first and middle name, not my last name. The main reason being to avoid my parents or whoever trying to add me, another being if you were to search for my name you'd get my step-dads older brother.

As for how I ended up with his name, it's pretty funny if you think about it, and also interesting when you think about it in terms of cause and effect, something like a butterfly effect. The straight answer is my step-dad and real dad both met in prison/jail and became friends, after they got out my real dad invited him to stay with him and my mom, and supposedly my real dad at some point thought my mom was cheating on him with him (which I think probably was happening) it leading to them fighting and eventually divorcing (I once heard my mom say that she never even wanted to marry him in the first place, they were forced to by their parents when my sis was born). As for me, I guess they thought I was my step-dads kid, but some years later they finally tested that out in which case found out I was also my real dads kid (something I legit thank God for, I do not want to be related to my SD by blood).

As far as cause and effect goes, and butterfly effect goes, my step-dad's dad died back when he was around 6, and if that never happened then my life would be drastically different today. After his dad died I heard  his mom married a complete asshole (basically what I got from him when my mom married him), him and his 2 older siblings going on to become alcoholics and doing drugs, something that could have been avoided if their dad was still around (him being a military man, serving in the air force and later working air traffic control). My step-dad spent somewhere between 1 and 3 years in jail for a crime he committed while drunk, and considering how he wasn't allowed a license for over 20 years (it not being until a few years ago he could finally get one) as well as a random comment I heard him say when I was a kid, I think he got drunk and stole a car. And if he never went to jail he'd have never met my real dad. So there's the possibility that my parents would have stayed together longer, that said though I likely wouldn't be fond of my name then, right now my initials are E.B, if they were together I'd be R.C the 3rd, him and his dad having the same name, that's definitely something I'd never want.

So in short I'd want to keep my first name but change my last.

[NNN]

it costs money, and i am against that. is it still around a grand? ridiculous! 

stepdads suck. fb sucks. fake names are a must there. 

[Vamped]

It doesn't cost that much. If it makes you feel better, change it. 

[André Toulon]

Wow

[NNN]

oh i was way off. nvm 150 is reasonable

[NNN]

now ill have to do the same next year LOL

fk me 

[ELDEMONIO]

Bro, I have the perfect name for you.