GuyBeardmane Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 This is a thread about things that no one would believe happened to you, but have actually happened to you. Today I got offered an illegal job. The story starts about 5 years ago with my favorite hair stylist Becca, who always gives me a neck massage as part of any service. About a year and a half ago, I went to see Becca and as usual she gives me the neck massage before my scalp massage. After the service, she's talking about being sore so I tell her to take a seat and I give her a neck massage. She said it was great and told her boss Heather to sit down and let me give her a neck massage. Heather loved it, and every time I go see Heather now I give her a neck massage and she tells me I need to do it professionally. Flash forward to today. Heather asks for a hand massage, then a neck massage. Pam, the owner of the store next to the salon, comes over and sits down after Heather moves and tells me that it's her turn, so I give her a neck and shoulder massage. Then the two gang up on me and ask why I don't go to school for this, yadda yadda yadda. Then Heather starts plotting and says they still have the massage table, and says that as long as I'm not charging, then I don't have to be licensed and that I could come in on my days off and give her and Pam massages for $50 tips for an hour massage. I'm kind of a pushover anyway, and I enjoy giving massages, so next week I become an illegal masseuse. Feel free to share your stories below. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Israeli_Jericho941 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I forsee this going... Places 😎 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Israeli_Jericho941 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 (edited) Guess I'll go... I was working a day shift at a low-income housing project. We suffered our usual residents with case workers, disabilites and the like. 200 plus residents, crammed tightly in efficiency studios (200sq ft max) in a hot desert state. Well one day one of our case-workered residents, Chuck for anonymity's sake, throws his room keys at me and says he's moving to Jamaica. He's dressed the tourist-y part. Button up fly fishing shirt with little palm trees on it, khaki shorts and two large suitcases in tow. I grab his keys and wish him Godspeed. Chuck saunters out the door as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. About 3 minutes later another resident tells me he was outside on the 3rd floor balcony. He watched Chuck drop his bags and take a swing at a Sheriff who happened to be close by posted up at Sheriff Joe's (yes, Arpaio) processing building. They were kitty corner from us. Chuck then proceeded to tell the Sheriff's that he had two bombs in his suitcases. Well that was pretty much it. Police and news helicopters began to swirl. Swat had the entire block on lockdown. No one could leave the building and swat posted outside our door. This was maybe my third week on the job and I couldn't believe this shit was going down. Residents eventually stopped calling the front desk to ask wtf was going on and kept tabs from their rooms on the news. Anyway, guess with his disability the whole thing blew over and Chuck showed back up about two weeks later and went right back to his room. Lots of other stories during my 7 years working there. But that was probably the most memorable. Edited July 17, 2018 by Israeli_Jericho941 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuyBeardmane Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 15 minutes ago, Israeli_Jericho941 said: Guess I'll go... I was working a day shift at a low-income housing project. We suffered our usual residents with case workers, disabilites and the like. 200 plus residents, crammed tightly in efficiency studios (200sq ft max) in a hot desert state. Well one day one of our case-workered residents, Chuck for anonymity's sake, throws his room keys at me and says he's moving to Jamaica. He's dressed the tourist-y part. Button up fly fishing shirt with little palm trees on it, khaki shorts and two large suitcases in tow. I grab his keys and wish him Godspeed. Chuck saunters out the door as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. About 3 minutes later another resident tells me he was outside on the 3rd floor balcony. He watched Chuck drop his bags and take a swing at a Sheriff who happened to be close by posted up at Sheriff Joe's (yes, Arpaio) processing building. They were kitty corner from us. Chuck then proceeded to tell the Sheriff's that he had two bombs in his suitcases. Well that was pretty much it. Police and news helicopters began to swirl. Swat had the entire block on lockdown. No one could leave the building and swat posted outside our door. This was maybe my third week on the job and I couldn't believe this shit was going down. Residents eventually stopped calling the front desk to ask wtf was going on and kept tabs from their rooms on the news. Anyway, guess with his disability the whole thing blew over and Chuck showed back up about two weeks later and went right back to his room. Lots of other stories during my 7 years working there. But that was probably the most memorable. So let me get this right. He didn't move to Jamaica? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death_by_motorboat Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 i get the concept but why are you explaining your illegal job publicly? doesnt that make you feel uneasy or like youre revealing too much? so, ill make a short entry based on the fact that im not 100% agreeing that "illegal" stuff should go in with "the stuff i cant believe happened," and ill give you and example of something that did happen, and i cant believe it, but its 100% legal instead..., i hope you dont mind that i make that distinction? i played $40 on a $5 slot and hit $8500 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuyBeardmane Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 10 minutes ago, mumbo13 said: i get the concept but why are you explaining your illegal job publicly? doesnt that make you feel uneasy or like youre revealing too much? so, ill make a short entry based on the fact that im not 100% agreeing that "illegal" stuff should go in with "the stuff i cant believe happened," and ill give you and example of something that did happen, and i cant believe it, but its 100% legal instead..., i hope you dont mind that i make that distinction? i played $40 on a $5 slot and hit $8500 It's a big enough loophole that I'm not too concerned. Also it's not like I'm seeking clientele either, just the salon owner and the owner of the shop next door, so I feel pretty comfortable with the whole deal. Plus I get to massage Heather and that's a good deal for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Israeli_Jericho941 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 26 minutes ago, GuyBeardmane said: So let me get this right. He didn't move to Jamaica? You know... I like to think he's there right now... Getting the last laugh 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeNewBee Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Alright I might have the best story by far. So today as I was at the store. As I was perusing the aisles, Something caught my eye, a red box with a picture of cheese on the front. A little snack you all might know of called Cheez It. I picked up the box and went to the register. Paid for them then I was on my way. As I get home I walk over to tv remote grab it. I sit down and open up the box of cheesy cracker goodness. Switch on the tv and veg out while eating for a bit. But next thing I notice as I put my hand in the box. Empty, I had eaten the WHOLE box!!! I told you all I had a ring dinger! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poof Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 i've already told u guys my crazy stories. anything u havent heard yet i either cant tell or is lame and boring 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuyBeardmane Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 5 hours ago, JeNewBee said: Alright I might have the best story by far. So today as I was at the store. As I was perusing the aisles, Something caught my eye, a red box with a picture of cheese on the front. A little snack you all might know of called Cheez It. I picked up the box and went to the register. Paid for them then I was on my way. As I get home I walk over to tv remote grab it. I sit down and open up the box of cheesy cracker goodness. Switch on the tv and veg out while eating for a bit. But next thing I notice as I put my hand in the box. Empty, I had eaten the WHOLE box!!! I told you all I had a ring dinger! Sub out the Cheez its with a can of Planter's Cheese Balls, and I've done the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Ive figured out how to transfer my consciousness among the infinite other variations of myself across the multiverse and spent some time hanging out with the X-Men. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuyBeardmane Posted July 18, 2018 Author Share Posted July 18, 2018 52 minutes ago, SwimModSponges said: Ive figured out how to transfer my consciousness among the infinite other variations of myself across the multiverse and spent some time hanging out with the X-Men. I am doubtful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 It's true, you're welcome to read my description of the various journeys we took. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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