scoobdog Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: In the old days, I used to complain about my mom around here. I told her I had focusing problems when I was young, she just called me an idiot. She would always talk shit about how I was a bad kid, and didn't get good grades for her. She used to tell me I was ugly all time, most of my sisters and mom are really femme, when I am not. She would force me on diets, and when she was man would drag me up the stairs by my hair. She punched me a few times but I kinda enjoy the fact that I know I can take a punch. The only good family member in my family was my Grandma, she was kinda tom boy too, and she did alot of work no one payed attention too. My mom would talk mad shit about her, but I loved her. That's clearly abuse. What did your psychiatrist have to say about any of that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 8 minutes ago, scoobdog said: Your medical records are not available to anyone without your consent (except in rare circumstances to law enforcement with a court order), and that includes other medical professionals. At most, the new psychiatrist would want to know what medicines you are taking or have taken in the past to better diagnose you, but he or she certainly would never ask for a previous doctor's report and you would not be obligated to provide it. Still, given your track record, it might be a great idea to see if you can continue to talk with someone about your feeling in a non clinical forum so that you can better formulate what is bothering you. If I had to guess, your mother dismissing your problems sounds to be extremely problematic. If I did see a new one, I might say, Hey Zoloft definitely doesn't freaking work, and tell her my other medications for sure. Oh even the psych was like, yeah she fucked you up good. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 14 minutes ago, fuggnificent said: letting lack of energy kill your motivation sounds a lot like the depression dragging you down to me. self medicating only works but for so long. I acknowledge that I do have depression, but I think there is more too it. I also have a great deal of anxiety at certain times. Some people can have multiple symptoms. I guess I do need a good doctor. Hard to find tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 21 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: It's about as helpful as school and work. At least cali made weed legal. #blazeit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) 11 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I acknowledge that I do have depression, but I think there is more too it. I also have a great deal of anxiety at certain times. Some people can have multiple symptoms. I guess I do need a good doctor. Hard to find tho. Yeah, your mom at least sounds kind of verbally abusive, Just proceed with caution Be careful around your mom if she treats you like that. It took me at least 30 years to realize my dad was abusive. And don't react to her with violence or reciprocal abuse. Just observe your mom and be careful in your interactions with her. Don't let your abusers put all the focus on you. That's mistake number one of dealing with narcissists. Family doesn't work if it's not supportive. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 21 minutes ago, Poof said: That’s pretty tall. I always thought u were short lol my boyfriend is shorter than me. He's 5'7 and I'm the Amazon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 19 minutes ago, Gyaos said: Yeah, I'm aware. I'm a paramedic. Not quite the same as being in a hospital doing work, but I can tell that most hospital workers don't seem to care what they're doing, even if someone is in a coma or near death. The political side of me : OmG its the stupid capitalist system mang! Profit over people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 37 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: How is your self identity? How do you feel about your own identity? Do you see yourself a certain way? Do you know who you are and have a mission or do you feel confused and worried. I find a lot of psychiatric problems seem to be tied to our identity in some ways. I guess I see myself as worthless, everybody eventually talks shit of me. And so many people gotta be right? I definitely don't belong in this world, sometimes I work thinking I can be better, but lately I'm so exhausted that I just want to quit it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginguy Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 5 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: At least cali made weed legal. #blazeit Feds didn't though.... #Jeffgonnagiveittoya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 22 minutes ago, Distortedreasoning said: your psychiatrist sucks, they should be trying to help you out, and not feel threatened when they are supposed to be doing their jobs. im sure you could sound threatening if you wanted to Really, my "threatening" side is my fear and anxiety, I'm like, here we go again, someone else's opinions are greater than mine. Blah blah I even had a panic attack waiting in school office. But I guess visually, I'm tall, I look mean, even though I just tired, and a raised voice might be scary for others, it's just how I grew up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 22 minutes ago, scoobdog said: That's clearly abuse. What did your psychiatrist have to say about any of that? We should just focus on your depression and nothing else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, jackiemarie90 said: I guess I see myself as worthless, everybody eventually talks shit of me. And so many people gotta be right? I definitely don't belong in this world, sometimes I work thinking I can be better, but lately I'm so exhausted that I just want to quit it all. No. Don't you EVER THINK That. DON'T think you're worthless. I value what you say to me. You just need to seek out a more supportive environment. Don't think you're "worthless" just because people treat you that way. That's beneath you. We all have worth. Sometimes you need ego you need arrogance. I think you have low self-esteem. If you think you're worthless, my diagnosis is you have low self-esteem and don't have respect for yourself. But you have to ask yourself "Why do I feel like I'm worthless". because you're NOT worthless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, jackiemarie90 said: We should just focus on your depression and nothing else. devils advocate - maybe the depression is more serious at the moment? remember when i said i couldnt focus when i was really depressed? maybe once your depression symptoms are alleviated, you will be able to focus and concentrate better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, fuggnificent said: devils advocate - maybe the depression is more serious at the moment? remember when i said i couldnt focus when i was really depressed? maybe once your depression symptoms are alleviated, you will be able to focus and concentrate better. That's how it is for everyone. It hard to focus when you have personal demons bothering you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 8 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: Yeah, your mom at least sounds kind of verbally abusive, Just proceed with caution Be careful around your mom if she treats you like that. It took me at least 30 years to realize my dad was abusive. And don't react to her with violence or reciprocal abuse. Just observe your mom and be careful in your interactions with her. Don't let your abusers put all the focus on you. That's mistake number one of dealing with narcissists. Family doesn't work if it's not supportive. I've stopped talking to her 2 years ago, I kinda like the idea that she is starting to feel isolated like me. But when I finish my degree, I thinking I will give her a second chance. I think she will take me more seriously after years of silence, and definitely listen more. Then my little sister posted my phone number on instagram, telling her friends to call for sex and blowjobs. Gotta lot of messages and even voice messages, my older sister didn't support me. So I'm teaching them all a lesson, silence for years might change their perception. I just wanna be taken seriously sometimes, although my little sister did make fun that I was suicidal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 7 minutes ago, Ginguy said: Feds didn't though.... #Jeffgonnagiveittoya Jeff session is gonna die any day now with his anger at life itself. That keebler elf can't outrun me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 7 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: No. Don't you EVER THINK That. DON'T think you're worthless. I value what you say to me. You just need to seek out a more supportive environment. Don't think you're "worthless" just because people treat you that way. That's beneath you. We all have worth. Sometimes you need ego you need arrogance. I think you have low self-esteem. If you think you're worthless, my diagnosis is you have low self-esteem and don't have respect for yourself. But you have to ask yourself "Why do I feel like I'm worthless". because you're NOT worthless. I guess its just everyone throughout time. Boys in high school used to say I should just kill myself all the time, My favorite class was Band, and boys there would spit wads in my hair. Everybody laugh when my long hair got caught in things, I didn't even want long hair, but my mom told me it was the only thing she liked about me. I was always made fun of in all my schooling too. In elementary school kids would make fun of my overbite, calling me Jackie Canopener, or beaver, or even a radicate. It's kinda hard to have self esteem when everyone irl has called me worthless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 5 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I've stopped talking to her 2 years ago, I kinda like the idea that she is starting to feel isolated like me. But when I finish my degree, I thinking I will give her a second chance. I think she will take me more seriously after years of silence, and definitely listen more. Then my little sister posted my phone number on instagram, telling her friends to call for sex and blowjobs. Gotta lot of messages and even voice messages, my older sister didn't support me. So I'm teaching them all a lesson, silence for years might change their perception. I just wanna be taken seriously sometimes, although my little sister did make fun that I was suicidal. Mannnn. Fuck your family. They sound like real jerks. They don't sound like they're helping you at all. It's important to rely on yourself, and find a support team, and yes you can find this online, but it might cost money. It sounds like you need to find a support system outside of your family. Friends, peers and whatnot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 10 minutes ago, fuggnificent said: devils advocate - maybe the depression is more serious at the moment? remember when i said i couldnt focus when i was really depressed? maybe once your depression symptoms are alleviated, you will be able to focus and concentrate better. To me, It isn't when you have a history of F's and I'm trying to get into a university, not a state college, it's literally my dream! I don't mind taking multiple medications but I really need the focus right now more than ever, if I fail school I would easily kill myself cause it's one of the few things keeping me alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: To me, It isn't when you have a history of F's and I'm trying to get into a university, not a state college, it's literally my dream! I don't mind taking multiple medications but I really need the focus right now more than ever, if I fail school I would easily kill myself cause it's one of the few things keeping me alive. what grade are you in?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) 3 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I guess its just everyone throughout time. Boys in high school used to say I should just kill myself all the time, My favorite class was Band, and boys there would spit wads in my hair. Everybody laugh when my long hair got caught in things, I didn't even want long hair, but my mom told me it was the only thing she liked about me. I was always made fun of in all my schooling too. In elementary school kids would make fun of my overbite, calling me Jackie Canopener, or beaver, or even a radicate. It's kinda hard to have self esteem when everyone irl has called me worthless. Jesus . You sound like Carrie from Stephen King. Have you tried seeking a higher power? There's one person who always loves you and wants to protect you from all those people. God. How you're being treated isn't right. It doesn't matter how you look, It's called bullying. You're being bullied from all directions God will never Bully you. You need your own space. Somewhere you can escape to. I have my room. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, J.M. Matthews said: Mannnn. Fuck your family. They sound like real jerks. They don't sound like they're helping you at all. It's important to rely on yourself, and find a support team, and yes you can find this online, but it might cost money. It sounds like you need to find a support system outside of your family. Friends, peers and whatnot. I moved in with my boyfriends family, but they gossip about me too, it isn't as bad as my own family, but sometimes it feels like no one accepts me. I dream that I will find friends in college one day, but I gotta first get the grades to get in a school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 14 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: Really, my "threatening" side is my fear and anxiety, I'm like, here we go again, someone else's opinions are greater than mine. Blah blah I even had a panic attack waiting in school office. But I guess visually, I'm tall, I look mean, even though I just tired, and a raised voice might be scary for others, it's just how I grew up. dont forget your brown too you do have a raised voiced but definitely not threatening. youre loud and proud but your psychiatrist dont know anything about that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, fuggnificent said: what grade are you in?? I'm a 27yr old in Community college. I guess I'm at the sophmore year, but like I've been saying, its been real hard lately, it just feels like I can't anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: I moved in with my boyfriends family, but they gossip about me too, it isn't as bad as my own family, but sometimes it feels like no one accepts me. I dream that I will find friends in college one day, but I gotta first get the grades to get in a school. What grade are you in? College could be better. I was for me. Just make sure you find a good college. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, Distortedreasoning said: dont forget your brown too you do have a raised voiced but definitely not threatening. youre loud and proud but your psychiatrist dont know anything about that. I told her that too! OmG lol. When she said I might call security I said "Typical, kick out the brown girl" which might of frustrated her more, but you and I know it's the truuuth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) 4 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I'm a 27yr old in Community college. I guess I'm at the sophmore year, but like I've been saying, its been real hard lately, it just feels like I can't anymore. Hmm. You should try different colleges and environments. I did. I've been to art school, community college, psych wards, a group home in an office building, an apartment for retired people. None of them completely worked out, but I'm glad I had the experience. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Psychiatrists are kinda mousy lookin people....now a psychiatrist that looks like a body builder....that’s a man to trust Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, J.M. Matthews said: Hmm. You should try different colleges and environments. I did. I don't think my community college is the problem, its the focusing on the reading and doing the work, technically, If I kept my shit together, I should be able to graduate in fall 2018. But I'm falling apart right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: I told her that too! OmG lol. When she said I might call security I said "Typical, kick out the brown girl" which might of frustrated her more, but you and I know it's the truuuth. lmao if there was any moment to throw the race card this was it. haha i always throw it around jokingly/ not jokingly. why am i getting treated different? oh cuz im brown! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, Still Me said: Psychiatrists are kinda mousy lookin people....now a psychiatrist that looks like a body builder....that’s a man to trust lol well she is way shorter than me, but she just asks profession questions without asking for substance, or care about how I feel weekly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, jackiemarie90 said: I don't think my community college is the problem, its the focusing on the reading and doing the work, technically, If I kept my shit together, I should be able to graduate in fall 2018. But I'm falling apart right now. That's just mood swings Hang in there. It will hopefully pass. no situation lasts forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, jackiemarie90 said: lol well she is way shorter than me, but she just asks profession questions without asking for substance, or care about how I feel weekly. Yeah....gotta get someone to be emotionally invested in you for that paid hour 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, Distortedreasoning said: lmao if there was any moment to throw the race card this was it. haha i always throw it around jokingly/ not jokingly. why am i getting treated different? oh cuz im brown! The crazy thing, is there have been some studies that confirm this. When Venus Williams was trying to give birth, she tried to tell the doctors of a pre existing illness she had, and the doctors at first didn't take her seriously. She almost died in childbirth and had to fight her way to get the help she needed. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/08/20/432872330/can-health-care-be-cured-of-racial-bias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 6 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: That's just mood swings Hang in there. It will hopefully pass. no situation lasts forever. I'm gonna argue not really, pushing myself this hard has caused a huge drain in me, and since alot of people abandoned me recently, I just don't have the energy, I never have the energy, I have to drink 3 cups of coffee to be "regular". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 8 minutes ago, Still Me said: Yeah....gotta get someone to be emotionally invested in you for that paid hour Right, I even told her, "It's literally your job to be helping me and right now your not." I get people don't like to be blamed for things, so many people just dismiss me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, jackiemarie90 said: Right, I even told her, "It's literally your job to be helping me and right now your not." I get people don't like to be blamed for things, so many people just dismiss me. Walk in and smack a hoe 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Still Me said: Walk in and smack a hoe I wish, but then it would confirm I'm "threatening". It's all trap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginguy Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 31 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: Jeff session is gonna die any day now with his anger at life itself. That keebler elf can't outrun me. He'll rise again as a level 20 Lich..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: I wish, but then it would confirm I'm "threatening". It's all trap. Bitch be threatening....be like “although you never helped me, I wanna help you get that thing off your face...” **slap**....”or maybe that’s just your face” **slap slap slap slap** 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 5 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: The crazy thing, is there have been some studies that confirm this. When Venus Williams was trying to give birth, she tried to tell the doctors of a pre existing illness she had, and the doctors at first didn't take her seriously. She almost died in childbirth and had to fight her way to get the help she needed. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/08/20/432872330/can-health-care-be-cured-of-racial-bias im not as privy to this type of studies but im not surprised about the few that they have can confirm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Ginguy said: He'll rise again as a level 20 Lich..... Nah, he is gonna spiral after aligning himself with Trump. Also we keep getting new voters every year, we technically can out vote the baby boomers. Our generation just gots to put there cyncism on hold during election season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginguy Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: Nah, he is gonna spiral after aligning himself with Trump. Also we keep getting new voters every year, we technically can out vote the baby boomers. Our generation just gots to put there cyncism on hold during election season. I really wish I could comment more on this, but non-disclosure agreements are a bitch.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: Nah, he is gonna spiral after aligning himself with Trump. Also we keep getting new voters every year, we technically can out vote the baby boomers. Our generation just gots to put there cyncism on hold during election season. I'm using 5-hour energy 2 times a day. It really helps me. Try energy drinks, especially 5 hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, Still Me said: Bitch be threatening....be like “although you never helped me, I wanna help you get that thing off your face...” **slap**....”or maybe that’s just your face” **slap slap slap slap** Well I did print out about a lot of articles on recent findings in study of mental illness. When I left she ask if I wanted it back, and I was like "nah, you clearly need to be educated on these findings". And I walked out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) 4 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: Nah, he is gonna spiral after aligning himself with Trump. Also we keep getting new voters every year, we technically can out vote the baby boomers. Our generation just gots to put there cyncism on hold during election season. What about fatigue? If it's not mood swings, it might be fatigue if you're always tired and have no energy. Do you have chronic fatigue like I do? I also have depression, I also have numerous phobias and anxieties. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Ginguy said: I really wish I could comment more on this, but non-disclosure agreements are a bitch.... Whaat that's an interesting post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: Well I did print out about a lot of articles on recent findings in study of mental illness. When I left she ask if I wanted it back, and I was like "nah, you clearly need to be educated on these findings". And I walked out. SAVAGE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, J.M. Matthews said: What about fatigue. Do you have chronic fatigue like I do? Yes everyday, I don't even play video games, rarely check my messages sometimes I skip school cause it feels like too much. I'm not as talkative as I usually am with my boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) Bingo! Oh, then that's what you need to see somebody about...I suggest a doctor, maybe a therapist. I have fatigue too. You have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I also have Asperger's, depression, social phobia, anxiety, phonophobia, and OCD. No schizophrenia though. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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