I'm not suicidal I'm just morbid at times. Trust me, I've been suicidal. I know exactly what it feels like. How I felt then is worlds different than how I feel now. I very much fear death and want to live now. But when I wanted to kill myself and thought about it everyday it was a very dark time. I didn't speak to anyone, I fantasized about suicide 24/7, I rarely ate, I laid in the dark and stared at the ceiling, I had no desire for sex, death didn't scare me, and I even went as far as mapping out "the day" and researching the most powerful shotguns ( I was going to blow my head off).
So trust me, I may be dark at times, but I do not want to kill myself. If I wanted to do it I wouldn't joke about it. Lol that's how you get caught.
On a lighter note, I do appreciate your concern.