Codename: Jackass

Pillows don't have souls.

Uhh wow ok that weird

I just don't think I could fuck a pillow.

Hmmm

FUCK that

I've been a bad boy.

omg a blue boy of my very own

Please do not put the hands out the window The bill is a lot of money, I'm sorry.

What you say when the pain:pleasure ratio skews too far in the pain direction.

That's fuckin crazy man.

POO POO PEE PEE HA HA

The safety word is "Nub".

If this shit doesn't work out I'm finding a new job.

I TOLD THE CASHIER AT KROGER TO HAVE A GOOD DAY TOO BUT DIDN'T REALLY MEAN IT. MOM'S GONNA FREAK!

THAT'S NOT A KNIFE, THIS IS A KNIFE.

'STRAYA, CUNT!

RUB IT ON ME... RUB IT ON ME CAU!!!

I'm posting this because I can't spoiler tag. Avert your eyes if you can't handle some NSFW content. boobs

POR FAVOR DE NO SACAR LOS MANOS, DE NO SACAR LOS MANOS FUERA DE LA VENTANA SO CUENTA ES MUCHAS DINERAS, LO SIENTO BUT I HAVE TO HAND IT TO YOU, YOU'RE HANDLING THIS EXTREMELY WELL AH, RUB IT ON ME... RUB IT ON ME DUANE!!!

HEY MAN SAY MAN HAVE YOU BEEN RUBBIN' YOUR NUB?

I don't like my job, I get paid shit and work retail but I'm getting promoted and will soon be working more hours. I don't know what I got myself into. Why did I say yes? Please help me.

I'm so bad that when my mom gave me $20 to buy some groceries and she told me to give her back some change, I gave her the bills but kept the coins. D E V I L I S H E V I L I S H

I'm The News.