Codename: Jackass

I bet it was 1-800-PHONE-SEXY

#obsessed

Vegeta doesn't real

LOL @ EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO BONE A CARTOON

You have to be a chinese cartoon or this doesn't work.

Your candor is appreciated.

This is assuming of course that you were also a chinese cartoon.

I have a .38 snub but I keep it locked away because sometimes I think about blowing my brains out when I get depressed. That's not a meme response either. If someone's going to bust in my house I have plenty of clubs and blunt objects around specifically for this purpose. Baseball bat, axe handle, some really big sticks my dad cut off bois d'arc trees, a hickory stick, dumbbell, a small piece of iron that I found in a field at college after they knocked an old building down... I'm ready to cave an intruder's skull in.

I was going to be an asshole and be like "None because I don't watch children's cartoons" but instead I'm just going to tell you I was thinking about saying it.

INTELLIFUCK mockup

INCREASES SEX DRIVE & IQ SIMULTANEOUSLY! INCREASES: -Spacial Awareness -Fuck Speed -Deductive Reasoning -Fuck Time REAL PROVEN RESULTS! NO HEADACHE! NO DIARRHEA! NO BONE ROT! [18 and Under: Ask Parents Before Consuming]

checkmate atheists

This is some really good ambient electronic music. Please validate my existence by listening to it and telling me what you think.

Post songs that elicit a visceral reaction of anger or annoyance. Off the top of my head:

I am a simple man, so Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Nothing comes close. I will also accept a Whataburger Monterey Melt. That thing is so goddamn tasty.

SET IT AND FORGET IT

1-877-KARS-4-KIDS K-A-R-S KARS-4-KIDS 1-877-KARS-4-KIDS DONATE YOUR CAR TODAY When I hear that jingle start with the *TSS-TU-TU-TSS* cymbal sounds on the radio I think about swerving into oncoming traffic.

WHEN YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR THAT OOH-AHH FEEL COME TO MATTRESS GIANT WHEN YOU WANT THAT OOH-AHH DEAL WE'VE GOT THE BEST PRICE FOR THAT OOH-AHH BED IT'S ONLY AT MATTRESS GIANT OOH-AHH ONLY AT MATTRESS GIANT OOH-AHH

The red and yellow M&M mascots are walking through a living room ornately decorated for yuletide ready to set a bowl of M&Ms out for Santa instead of traditional cookies and milk. Yellow: "Do you really think Santa will like these red and green M&Ms?" Red: "I don't know, I never met the guy!" Santa, startled: "WHA-HAA!" Red: He really does exist!" Santa: They do exist! Ohhhhh..." *Santa faints with a thud* Yellow: "Santa?" BLACKOUT

I remember wondering what the fuck I just watched when they had the spongmonkeys on the Quiznos commercials. AT QUIZNOS SUUUUUUBS THEY ARE GOOD TO US