Codename: Jackass

I was afraid it might be something like this. I will carefully lower the nice man into a bath.

We'll set the building on fire. That'll fix it.

I only give fucks when it's convenient. As a result, I have several to spare, but I live most days like I'm all out. It's walking the razor's edge with me every day.

I'll throw that smelly hobo in a bathtub for you.

U.S. Acres

Awesome, I loved Garfielf as a lad.

Well F-U-C-K M-E.

RIP, R-E-S-P-E-C-T Lady.

Cowboys defensive line looking STACKED! D-Law, Maliek Collins, Dorance Armstrong, Antwaun Woods (from out of NOWHERE!). Taco's coming along. Randy Gregory I'm not holding my breath on but if he puts it together he'll be disruptive. I'm so fucking excited for the HOTBOYS to dominate inferior offensive lines through the league. Iron sharpens iron. They practice against the best. Jaylon Smith made HUUUUGE strides from last year, it's like he's a completely different player. Can't wait to see what Vander Esch does with his first training camp under his belt. Secondary is coming along. Chido and Byron are going to be effective this year. Still not sure about the safeties, the homer in me wishes they would have traded for ET3 but since his contract expires this year it would be best for the Cowboys to wait until FA and make an offer. This defense is going to surprise people with its improvement.

You guys want six points per passing TD, or five?

Naps make me feel awful. Even if I'm sleep deprived I can't take a nap without feeling like shit, I need an unbroken six or seven hours. That doesn't really happen much anymore.

I NEED ONE MORE TEAM WHO'LL STEP UP? ANYBODY? PLEASE HELP ME I'M DESPERATE.

@Master-Debater131 check your email for your invitation link. I can re-send it if you didn't receive it.

I'm trying to see if I can get one more player right now. I was shooting for a twelve team league but it looks like ten is going to be all I can scrape together. We'll hash out draft time soon. I do like to draft after the teams have played their third preseason games, but we'll hammer out a time and date soon. I'm looking for either Saturday night or Sunday afternoon right now, but I've got another draft on the last Sunday of this month. I'm not against doing two drafts in one day as far as I am concerned, but I also need to see how my work schedule shapes up before I commit to anything solid. I'll know for sure by next Tuesday. EVERYONE PLEASE SET YOUR PRE-DRAFT LINEUP JUST IN CASE YOU CAN'T MAKE THE DRAFT.

The lack of a receiving bonus was an oversight that I will correct. I bumped the score down on passing TDs because I don't want those chucking machine QBs to inflate the score too much in today's pass heavy game. We can put it to a vote, I'm not that committed one way or another.

Use your underworld connections to have their legs broken.

Return of the ASSMAN This last one's my favorite.

I've thought about it but it doesn't seem appropriate for here.

Yes. I took the idea from a league I used to play in. I thought it made things a little more interesting.

BOOM I don't have the old league anymore so PM me your email address and I'll send an invitation.

>tfw you have a shitty non-premium phone that was a year behind when you bought it nearly two years ago and will never have Android Pie It hurts to live.

DON'T THANK ME I AM JUST THE CONDUIT THROUGH WHICH A HIGHER POWER MOVES WHO IS THAT HIGHER POWER, YOU ASK?

I only like seeing the sun when it's going down. I don't have a sleep disorder that I know of, but I've always been wide awake at night.