[classic swim]

During a tornado drill in school he said “WAKKA WAKKAAH” just like Fozzie Bear, and then his middle aged English lady teacher said in the Fozzie Bear voice “Would you like to go to the principal’s office?”

Goes to a biker establishment and tells the least intimidating person there that they look like a naked mole rat.

Oh, is Jimmy Fallon not giving you tips on how to abduct and murder vulnerable Jerseynites?

*Comedy Central announces new season of Colbert Report*

Told Mr. Hoonie he’d be rewarded parole if he eats the grandma’s hunta for breakfast.

@The Evil Dr. Longshadow

Sentenced Mr. Hoonie to ten years in a federal penitentiary.

I’ve been passed out for hours and I finally won a day? I can’t fucking believe it.

Freaks out like this when the sexy girrrrllllfriennnnd he asked out won’t play with his tater tots.

Hey @The Evil Dr. Longshadow! If you’re wondering why Swimmod_Odin locked your thread and not mine, it’s because my thread has more merit and depth than yours. You know... if that’s why you’re being too much of a baby bitch to make a new thread... @The Evil Dr. Longshadow???

United Nations’ on standby for a new Packard thread. Hop to it.

Rotisserie and champagne with a whopper.

That’d be pretty funny if Buck Cluck took his son home and punched Chicken Little in the face repeatedly and said “you do what the fuck I say goddamnit”

Debates on whether he wants a jelly bean tree or an egg tree somewhere on his 50 acres.

@naraku360

I don’t think he wants to see what I have...

Just shit a brick.

Sees a buff guy on the street and yells out “steroids make ya dick do WHAT?!”