jackiemarie90

Even though I'm still living in the same complex as camo guy, I really don't see him although he did cause me a bit of a problem last week. But this post is going to introduce a new guy I will be referencing in posts, cause I think he likes me too? I jokingly referred to him as the "music expert guy" when we were cooking together, he would make fun of my mainstream music choices, and he plays the guitar and listens a lot of cool bands. Plus......HE IS SO FUCKING HOT GUYS!!! Like literally the hottest person I ever had a crush on, and maybe to even like me? He has long hair cause he is a metal fan, and I'm not sure if he is native or latinx but he is so hoooottt!!! Oh my god I"m freaking out! EVEN BETTER, he a true blue weeb guys!! Like not only does he actually watch anime and know alot, he knows way more than me!! He was saying he was watching 6 animes this season, and then giving me recommendations. He has good opinions on anime too! I made jokes and make him laugh a lot when we smoke and hang out. He also waaaaaaay smart, like he is an astrophysicist! And literally spends his days studying calculus of the stars, like literally writing long ass formulas on the whiteboard type. XD He also has some me have another one of my breakdowns, and had me open up about my depression and my family drama too. He listens to me, I told him about camo guy how he bothers me, and he made me feel good and made me feel like I don't even need to think about camo guy. Ok so camo guy has been looking like he is tweaking lately, so 2 weeks ago, I felt sorry for him, and told him he could hang out with me at party to be social. Well this was before music expert guy knew about him, and he saw me hanging out with camo guy and thought I liked him. So he hung out with another girl for the whole night who literally jumped on him. And clung to him the whole night. She literally looks like the eleven from stranger things with her buzzcut and small height. I don't think she has too much in common with him, I just think she likes that he looks like a rocker and plays the guitar. But I know guys tend to like quieter girls who are passive. After my break down, I told him everything, and then that week we talked about anime, got super stoned hanging out with friends, and then were just giving each other looks all night. Then at another party I showed up late too, but made it in time to see him play his guitar, ask for song requests after play a Veil of Maya song, to which I asked him to play mikasa from them, and I guess he found that hot, cause after he was playing, he was kinda following me all night. Like slowly moving closer to me, looking and smiling at me. But the other girl saw this too, and she was getting pissed! So she was moving closer when he was moving closer to me. Then after people started doing other things after our event, she like ran to him and asked to braid his long hair. I kinda just ignored it and talked to a friend, talking and laughing obnoxiously loud. And then he kinda left her and ran up to talk to me asking to get high. And I kidd you not the girl made an audible sound of disgust that he ran after me. 😂 So I felt bad for her, and put the spotlight on her in our convos, and then she was like "of me and music expert guy should practice together" and I'm too much of a doormat to say anything like yeah go ahead. So I go to bed early, but next day that girl is acting sad as shit, on the verge of tears, and music expert guy seems kinda distant towards everyone but still smiles when he talks to me. And I don't want to assume but guys, I think he chose me. And told her to back off. And I'm honestly, I'm kinda in disbelief? Like that kind of shit mostly happens in movies and t.v, that a guy things the really obnoxious loud nerd girl is best girl, but I think someone thinks I'm best girl! And it's scaring the shit out of me. Like now what do I do!?!?! I've kinda been hiding from him, I don't know how to be a best girl and feel like I'm gonna mess everything up, BUT I LIKE HIM SOOO MUCH!!!! I never thought someone like this could like someone like me.

Happy birthday!

I never know whose alt is who, therefore I cannot be offended if I don't know you lol

I wish I became a brilliant student and understood mathematics quickly.

It's harder to get help on online classes.

You still can! 😮

Dammit why can't the universe just make me better automatically?

So am I, but doing badly! 🤣 But I know I gotta learn it for myself.

I mean, I'm sure they are married, but they are very nice people. XD

Yeah, I guess I just actually have to try. lmao

Probably

But what if I'm afraid to love people though.

Thanks bender, you da best! ❤️

I think school has been exacerbating other stress as well, makes it hard to refocus.

I mean for someone who might be on the ace spectrum, this also isn't a motivating factor. I've been feeling so overwhelmed with school lately tho.

A year ago, I said I was so desperate to pass Calculus, that I would suck any dick. Well, the universe was like, "Bet?" And there is someone in my current student housing who is amazing at coding, and I am falling extremely behind in my coding class that he is also taking. And he helped me with some labs already, but when we were having a house dance, I ran away from him. 🤣 And he is ignoring my texts for help earlier this week. LMFAO!!! 🤣🤣🤣 So to clarify, I will not fuck anyone or suck dick for educational help, but maybe I fucking should cause then I would not fail my assignments!! 😆

I fucking knew it

I feel lucky that I got to see this RKO in the nosebleed seats and it was still awesome!!

*RKO's out of no where* XD

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no it makes me wish people were more compassionate.

Happy birthday to an amazing person!

Winnie the pooh gives me something to spoon in my lonely times. lol I first had a cup of coffee, then I did 2 hours of washing dishes and pots in the house. Then I made a plate with sauteed kale & tomatoes, thick slice of ham and 2 eggs over medium. With another cup of coffee! Gonna shower and pick up my meds now. 😊

Thanks, other people at the party liked it too.

I got drunk early. Camo guy showed up to the party. We were purposefully avoiding each other. I was just talking to a lot of people getting to know the people in the house. They all seem like nice sweet people. After a few drinks camo guy sat next to me, said how it's going. I started asking him how moving to co-ops was like for him. He started talking about how he set up his room to have a mini fridge and coffee maker, to which I called him out and said, "So you plan on hiding in your room all the time?" I could tell he didn't like that, then all I said was he should show up to dinner once in awhile and get breakfast in the mornings. Then I said "Do whatever you want, whatever makes you happy" and then went to talk to someone else. I think I told another person that I low key knew him, and he got uncomfortable and left. I caught him walking back to his room, and it seemed like he was crying, I asked if he wanted to talk but he insisted no and went to bed, then I went to bed early.