That_One_Guy

lmao sure did

White rectangles and all

Also the white rectangles are back. Fml. This is what i get for copying and pasting.

Well folks we did it! We managed to pull off the UEMB's second writing competition. And boy was it ever a tumultuous roller coaster of emotions. From the delay of participants to a judge actually telling me she never wanted to judge again! There's plenty to talk about after the conclusion of this years competition! And I have no doubt that the shit will somewhat hit the fan. I'm really looking forward to the aftermath! So....without further ado....scroll down to see the final results and feedback from the judges! 3rd place: THE QUEST by @GunStarHero 15/30 Judge scores and feedback @mthor: 7/10- This is my #2. Kudos for gratuitous violence, obviously the winner of this volume's Macbeth Award (is that what the award for most deaths was?) I enjoyed it, even though I'm not exactly sure what the fuck was happening. @PhilosipherStoned: 4/10- packed with satire and situational comedy -equipped with loads of gamer allusions -Scene building was decent even though it's evident the writer wasn't really trying. -Maybe it's just due to the satirical nature, but the characters lacked personality. -points added for epic lolz/ @GuyBeardmane: 4/10- This is a very ATHF/Xavier: Renegade Angel story. It's funny, but the "lol teh random" doesn't keep my interest. The drug deal/threesome is just tacked on in the middle as a sidebar, rather than serving as a plot point. The quote use was phenomenal. 2nd place (tie): Oh Shit I Didn't Think of a Title by @SwimModSponges 17/30 Judge scores and feedback @mthor:8/10- This is my #1. I hate this story. I read to be in a safe place, not to have the pages open up and involve me directly. This was well-written enough to draw me in before I could realize that I was going to be assaulted - it was a more uncomfortable version of the stories that used to show up occasionally in the pages of the old Alfred Hitchcock magazine, where it ends when the killer is standing behind you and the story is the last thing you'll ever read. Thanks, anonymous writer - I felt oddly slimy after reading this. Well done. @PhilosipherStoned:3/10-points for the unique interactive reader/3rd person omniscient narrator relationship. -colorful scene building with a lot of colorful use of symbolism and other lit. devices. -I caught some typos..Didn't subtract from the material or create confusion for the most part though. -The story lacks a plot. Although the author does attempt to use the reader as a character themselves. 0_0. -characters lack personality. Although the author/narrator requests the reader fill in the blanks, this still seems lazy. -interesting "psychological thriller" like structure, but not much substance. @GuyBeardmane:6/10- Good use of the prompt and elements. Not a fan of the openness of the ending, but it's fitting with the bleakness of the tale. Shit-hand man is someone I'm going to remember. 2nd place (tie): Blowing it Spectacularly: The Lustful Gaze of a Saucy Stepdad by @Chapzilla_2000 17/30 Judge scores and feedback @PhilosipherStoned:7/10- great dialogue, I enjoyed the screen play like structure as well as the comedy. -a good mix of crass dialogue from the characters as well as crude, but colorful wording from the narrator gave the story a "punchline" like effect while reading it -more work could've been put into building the scene. I'm still not sure what kind of setting the opening scene between the protagonist, and the drug dealer was. Inside a car? In an alley? etc. -characters also lack physical descriptions. How big is the plumbers dick? Was Melody hot? etc. @GuyBeardmane:10/10- Also, just so we're clear, everything in these replies is something that can be posted on the board as a review. Especially this next part. First, fuck you for no word wrap. Review, though, 10/10. Prompt and elements all there, story feels complete and has a satisfying conclusion. This is a wonderful short story, very reminiscent of Chuck Palahniuk. Just a good, modern, urban satire. @mthor:0/10- This is my #4. OK, I'm a boomer. Most women my age are reading Danielle Steel and Norah Roberts. Now, my taste may run more to Harold Schechter and Manfred Lurker, but that still doesn't mean that I have the capacity to sit down and read this as anything beyond an exercise in cringe. I hereby resign - please don't let me be a judge again, no matter how much I ask. 1st place: The Bloody Scarab's Wrath by @PokeNirvash 24/30 Judge scores and feedback @mthor:5/10- This is my #3. Lot of adjectives in there, may even qualify for this volume's Bulwer-Lytton award. Speaking of which, "Scotch" is the liquor, "Scots" or "Scottish" refers to people and/or things from Scotland (unless the Scotch Storm is a bootlegger and/or alcoholic on the side, in which instance a case might be made.) I really wanted to like this - it started like an old noir detective story. Sadly, the characters didn't have the realism of the alley that they stood in. One can't tell if Ash is actually an end-stage junkie who'll give anything just to get the monkey off his back, or a self-pitying dilettante who has to have the latest and greatest. And the Storm (Scots or Scottish, please) is more like a Scottish shortbread - just bland. With the buildup, I was expecting a real badass. The chemistry between the two was rather like that between salt and water - in two separate containers, making Ash's suicide almost enviable. And damn, it started so well... @PhilosipherStoned:9/10-good scene building, and character development. i.e personality, appearance, -created their own drug, and a unique way to administer it. -lots of character descriptions. Characters were painted well both in a physical, and psychological aspect (Readers are given a look into their overall psyche) @GuyBeardmane:10/10- Great use of the prompt and elements, great way to establish the scene and characters. Satisfying to read, and wrapping up this little microverse with a nice ribbon. Good story all around. And that's it! Huge congratulations to first place winner @PokeNirvash as well as everyone that participate in the competition! If and when you are ready to read these beasts, they can be found here. Sooooo as far as a prize goes....I honestly don't know what we're gonna do. @Admin_Raptorpat mentioned a custom rank so that is a possibility. I suppose we could find a volunteer to fellatio you. LOL NOT IT! I'm bad at jokes, sorry. But seriously I want to thank all the judges and writers in this years competition. I thought this was gonna suck and it ended up being a good time. Poke also has the option to host the next competition if he so chooses (since y'all mfs hated my prompt) and also I'd like a crack at this! So just let me know what you wanna do, Poke. You competition winning bastard you. Also as far as sub category prizes go, I'll talk to the judges and we'll post them later. The theme of this competition is definitely delays. Now have fun! Read the stories your fellow board members wrote and feel free to leave your own personal review. Tell us why you agree or disagree with the judges. Honestly, this is the best part. Till next time.

I only got 30 but I joined late af

If I don't hear something from the last judge by tomorrow night we're gonna just move on. So whether they show up or not RESULTS WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW NIGHT

Yo I'm fucking trash at picking winners.

These commentators obviously want the Chiefs to win

Like fuck that stupid song. You think it's cool to be a cowardly school shooter. Use your hands like a man and square the fuck up. Incel fucking losers.

Considering it.

Could have been a horny bitch, bro. Missed out.

That's some serious dickhead stuff

Like wtf is that

Apologies for the delay folks! We are currently waiting on scores from the final judge. I will be reaching out to them today.

Mad gay yo

YOU TALKIN SHIT ABOUT ME HOMIE?! WHERE YOU FROM?!

Bro where did you get sex in any of this

👀

Lol right. Shits stupid funny

Doesn't sound to bad tbh. Lol as long as you're not like screaming for no reason. I think you give yourself more shit than you deserve

lol you cant be that bad. do you just scream for no reason or something?

trust me theres dudes that dont mind a taller girl.