Bad_Witch

Do I try? No Does it happen anyway? You betcha...alot

"This is a bad dream right now. I just want a fucking burger brother" is best guy.

I wouldn't say that, just that you got lost and lost your way. Just read "A pack of Camels" and I got it. It's a good story and I liked it. Wasn't lost or anything and could understand without the commentary. It just has a few issues... In a story with a limited word count, you have to reign in your descriptions. I know you love painting a picture in reader's mind, but they can imagine things for themselves and that's not a bad thing. You first paragraph is a little over 300 words and it's pure description, setting the scene. This could have been cut to 200 easily, freeing up 100 words for the meat and potatoes of the story, and nothing would have been lost. In fact, the story would have been strengthened by defining how the social structures work, how how/why the classes are divided. What makes the working class (the workers eating rice during break) the working class? Are the classes separated by race, money, etc???? (yes, I get they're separated by money but how? where's the cut off? can one fall into the servant class? rise to worker?) Without clearly defining that, why would anyone have any hope? Especially of an afterlife....especially when you say this story is based of the Money gospel (which pretty much says you buy your way into heaven). The poorer classes have no reason to believe they will make it. They have to have a reason, or there's no real humanity in the characters. More words could have been saved throughout the piece by cutting the descriptions down (giving you more words to play with in setting up the conflict and resolution) but the structure is the biggest one. I know it's central to the story, but it doesn't need to be referenced so often. Everything about this society revolves about it, so everything that happens leads back to it. After introducing the girl and old man, you didn't need to write about the structure. Anyone reading would know that's what the old man is talking about when he's says "It will never be done." What else could he have been talking about, when they're working on building the damn thing. This is one of the two biggest issues with the story. You were too focused on telling us the structure is important, instead of simply showing us through the actions of your characters. The other reason is....there was no reason to make Trump the ultimate bad guy. Sure he's president now, and maybe you thought using him would drive the point home (or maybe you just wanted Trump because he's the leader) but it came out of nowhere. And I mean no where. Somehow I'm supposed to believe that Trump=the noble and no one made a big deal that the leader of the country was visiting the work site? That the leader came back for the girl? That the leader ordered the punishments of the old man and girl? It's actually a little insulting to the reader to have such an important character throughout the story and not realize it til the end...because..........I don't know why. The noble could have been anyone of the noble class, or even multiple people, but to make him the leader, hide it from the reader but not the characters (it's not like he was disguised or hiding who he was) doesn't sound true. Add to that the climate in America, and damn near everyone is tired of politics, and you get one of two complaints. One, we get enough Trump bashing without reading it in fiction; Two, it kinda feels like it's more about political commentary instead of social. Finally, I did like the story. It had a lot of good things going for it. That ending though...

Okay, now I'm interested. This could be just the thing I need to lower my grocery bills.

I just don't get why some people think that's acceptable behavior.

That sucks. Hope you get feeling better soon.

Did that girl break his nose. Anyone sticks their hand down my shirt is getting a broken nose.

BC: Great more people I won't remember. Hey I like you drunk lady. I don't like you sister lover. Why does everyone have to scream? Everyone ignore Asta. Leader Bull (I forgot his name already) knows how to keep the misfits in line. Everyone's good people. It's true...he keeps saying it so it must be. Let's fight. You're not going to kill Asta, sadly. He's a baseball enthusiast. Asta thinks? Don't lie narrator. See, holding the sword like that doesn't take thought. Asta doesn't deserve a pat on the pat. You know what...keep patting, you just might break his back. Pigtails girl doesn't like competition. Comments from son: Dude, she's your sister...just no. Leave the nun alone and take the hot lady. You're a fucking idiot. What....the ....she's like 3. His sister is 3. Why do you want to fuck your 3 year old sister? I know what that nose bleed means. What the hell is wrong with Japan? Asta thinks (laughing). Why you gotta lie? JJ: We made it to the island, so who is this mystery person. Quick don't let him get away. That voice...it can't be. Way to break my heart show. Poor Avdol's father That's right Frenchie run walk away. He's going to get into to trouble, I just know it. It's a lamp. That's no genie. Come on Frenchie. You know stands are a thing. Bring out S.C. Where'd that gold come from. Maybe it's a genie after all. You have one wish to make, don't fuck it up. Those are stupid wishes. Okay, you can bring your sister back too. I don't trust this genie. Why are you running away from him? Not flashbacks. Yes, I feel bad for Frenchie and hope his sister is back. Somethings not right here. Zombies! Well that was a bitch comment. Nooooo! Not Avdol too! IBO: I just watched this. It should be fresh, but I must not have been paying attention. HH: So many characters. Did they mention this Gyro before? This is a tragic backstory. Some people should not have kids. So he founded the NGL to destroy humanity. I can get behind that. He's dead now right, and the point of the backstory was.... Hello other hunters. It might be a good time to leave. Are you going to die? At least I don't have to feel bad about not knowing your names. The body count is high in this arc. I like her, glad she got away. Or not. Send those other two back to bring more people I'll never remember names for. Be safe Gon and Killua and Kite. That horse L3: Save your wife Lupin. This is like inception right? Dreams are weird. Leo, you are one crazy genius. God I hope you wake up before hitting the ground. Awwww, he got through to her. Time to wake up. You two go life happily ever after. Leo, you aint looking so good. And he dies. We have time for one last chase.

So, are we supposed to leave comments here? Just gonna assume that. Also I suck at comments @GuyBeardmane That was a fun read. Short and sweet. I liked the puns but you could have gone into a little, or any, detail about Omaha. Why does no one want to talk about Omaha? Sorry Supernatural fan here and all I kept thinking was where's Rufus and will someone just tell me about Omaha already!

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Ghost in the Shell

Xenosaga

Tenchi Muyo

BC: We really don't need a recap show. Asta beats douche and is quickly forgotten. Why does rich nobility have to be such dicks? Yuno comes out on top. Now time for public humiliation. No hands for you, you, you, you, and you. Nobody wants you Asta, go home. You're going to take him on aren't ya Bull man? Yep. Everyone wants Yuno. Just go take a shit. Trust me, no one cares. Why are you still here douche...I thought if you got defeated no captain would want you. Yuno saves Asta and sends douche packing. One thing I do like about this show is Yuno and Asta's rivalry. *Facepalm* No one needs that much info on your shit Asta. *comment from son* "And he reaches back, just look at that release, and Asta flies through the air and lands on his face. That right there is why he's the reining bitch throwing champ." JJ: Full disclosure, after we're done with the baby I'm going to believe the whole thing was a dream because this is just to absurd. Look at Jotaro being all reflective and sad. I'll give him a hug. Kakyoin trying to convince everyone that the baby is the danger and failing so hard. Done with that, he goes in for the kill and Frenchie stops him, because of course he does. Joseph is an awesome father. Night night time. They're all going to die. Listen to Frenchie...words I thought I'd never say. You can't use your stand Jotaro....or maybe you can. Nope. I was just plain wrong for Star to attack Jotaro like that. I don't know why, but I really liked Star's happy face. Jotaro should smile more. Here's Green. Kakyoin, I was wondering when you'd show up. Wait, hold up, how did you know to keep Green out and hidden from the baby as you were being knocked out. *shut up Bad_Witch and enjoy the show* Please kill the baby, it's only a dream so it won't count. Sure, we're down the rabbit hole let's erase those pesky words from your arm. That's it. Really. Okay, time to wake up eveyone there's pancakes. Kakyoin seems better. He's even looking after the baby. Oh good, since he remembers I never need to see this kid again. That's just wrong, death would have been kinder. IBO: I...I think I'm okay with Skynet destroying the world of the baby raper. HH: There are way to many characters for me to remember all their names. The NGL zone is weird. Whelp I have a filling so that leaves me out. So if you have poor eyesight your shit out of luck. Nature wants you to die. What, did everyone here get picked on by a gang of nerds? Are you paying for these medical tests? The koalafather is my new favorite evil spawn. L3: Hi Leo! We've wondered what you've been up to. And he puts everyone to sleep. Gotta love how the world reacts, at least they didn't try to blow Italy off the map. It's all a dream. Lupin comes out in first once again. Leo, were you always this deranged or was something lost during the process. Everyone else seems to be doing a good job against Leo in their dreams. Sadly, Rebecca doesn't make it...wonder how her butler did? Lupin saving the damsel in distress again. Look at her memories Lupin, search your heart, you know the truth. Now please fuck your wife. She wants its.

Bleach

xxxholic

is Folger's in your cup?

Ducky Yep Yep Yep!

BC: Why do you have to be so damn annoying Asta? If a random stranger just punched you I would defend them. Did snake seller lady just say that the snakes are responsibly harvested...something, something sustainable, cause that's what I look for in my snakes. Damn it Asta, did you not watch Yuno at all? That's how one properly approaches a window for exams, not by screaming at them. They should have refused you on the spot. Oh look birds. Great explanation there show; we all forgot that Yuno is a god among men and Asta is....not. See, it's stuff like that that makes me want to like you, but then you scream. Your names are stupid and I will assign you all new names. My god, even Neville could handle a broomstick better. We know he has no magic show....this is just sad. Great, now that I've seen Asta try, I feel bad for him and I now hate you character who name isn't important because you are about to be eliminated. How exactly does the sword thing work? That's what we want answered show. JJ: Jotaro I've missed you soooo much. Never leave me again. Oh, we're starting with Kakyoin and Frenchie first. You better be in this episode. Weird dreams are weird. Frenchie you annoy me. Dead dog is sad. Joseph and a plane...who thought this was a good idea. Poor sick baby. Why aren't you demanding to be stuffed in the cargo woman? And you call yourself a mother. That child is sleeping too soundly to have a fever that high...wait what the the kids temp again? Why do I think it was 37 Celsius? That's....that's a normal temp if right. So, you're not the kids mother. You heard it in a dream you say. Well shit. Is Frenchie going to die now? You're flying Joseph, you shouldn't be waking Frenchie. All of you have had ample warning about Joseph and planes. Kakyoin doing what he can, failing but still a better job then Frenchie. Joseph saves it at the last minute. Stop celebrating. How the hell to you crash into a tree in the middle of the desert? No, sorry, you're wrong. Joseph, the lovable grandpa that he is, is the reason the plane crashed. Kakyoin may have started it, and he has a good reason, but Joseph took his eyes off the ball. That's actually really good Kakyoin. I thought you were just cutting yourself. Good job. Now get the baby. IBO: I think this show has soured on me. I blame the baby raper. HH: I think I'm going to like Gon and Killua's new friends. So are they Amish, homesteaders, mormons? I guess the queen still needs feed. No show. I SAID NO! Why? Why do you need to rip my heart out? I was really hoping we weren't going to see the kids mother again. (I imagined she just died due to grieve shortly afterward...no need to suffer) Fuck those villagers...you're a good mom. God I'm so sorry for you. No show. NOW DAMN IT I SAID NO!! I don't want to know that the human looking one is her son. That's it. I'm closing my eyes and sticking my fingers in my ears. You can't hurt me show. L3: Hi Rebecca! What are you doing Lupin? Is this foreplay? Go get you man girl. Rob,hey I know the butler's name now, you cannot stand in the way of true love. Hello Fujiko! Sure climb on in. What is it you want Rebecca? Men will do anything other than housework. You to are still married right? Time to make it legal. Or not. Lupin's such a gentleman. Yep, getting drunk is a good idea.

That's what if figured, but it's off limits and feels like forbidden fruit. I want that fruit.

*posts so Poke won't have three schedules in a row* I've missed Jotaro and can't wait to see him on Sat.

I need to post more so I can see this dumpster fires everyone talks about

same happened to me and that's how I fixed it.

...and I've been searching for something to look forward to when I stumble across the fact that Easter falls on April Fools Day this year. For some reason this left me with a warm fuzzy feeling.

BC: More filler. yippee. Okay, I get Asta wants to do this but why are you letting him again. Oh, Dumbledore doesn't care. Why don't you want Asta to leave priest dad? He seems like one of those kids you just can't wait to not be legal required to care for anymore, and out the door he goes. It's kinda sweet that deep down they do care about him. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. We're off to see the wizard... JJ: Joseph was all over this episode. Do. Not. Get. On. The. Plane. Jotaro I love you, marry me. I want to be rich and not worry about money too. You ride that camel Joseph. Joseph is so awesome. Guys....I think the palm trees aren't working like you think they are. It's the land of the midnight sun. Frenchie, tell us how hot it's getting isn't helpful. There's a joke in here about Jotaro pounding a hole. Guy's you can't just stay here, do something. Laughing is something. Jotaro has a wonderful laugh. Joseph not getting it since ever. "How did that hole appear?" Joseph: "I know it's in the script...we can't just defeat a stand user without knowing his name." IBO: .......why don't I remember creepy dude wanting to marry a child. God, don't sit on him like that. Nonononononononononono Jotaro I called you, now beat the creepy dude. Thank God for Big brother and his harem. That's the way it should be. HH: More people whose names I will never get right. These chimera ants are going to start eating humans aren't they. No show, do not introduce a kind, beautiful, loving family (there aren't enough of them) only to kill them. It's not a snake, you don't fight it you run away. RUN AWAY. Damn it. I liked those kids... L3: Movie time. Why do some guys think kidnapping a girl will get them laid? Rebecca will not lie, not even to save her own life. Zeni and Lupin This was a sweet look back. You can still have him if you want him, Rebecca.