Sandstone

Actually doing a rudimentary google search, it seems I'm not the only one familiar enough with this to have noticed that The OA is likely based on Gnosticism (particularly the Valentianist tradition). This looks like a very well thought out post on the topic which is inline with my thinking from the looks of it (warning contains spoilers for those that have not watched season 2): https://www.reddit.com/r/TheOA/comments/b95kcl/is_this_a_neognostic_tale_does_the_oa_represent/

I actually think there is a bunch of references to Gnostic Christianity in that show, but going into detail about it would take a while and I don't want to accidentally spoil it cause season 2 just released last month. A deeper analysis would involve massive spoilers.

A Bonus bit of trivia for those that are a fan of the Netflix show The OA, this is a very small spoiler for season 2 that doesn't really reveal the plot it's just about something that is present in a couple of the episodes.

The apocryphal scriptures you are referring to are of dubious authenticity for anyone who's not a follower of Gnostic teachings. The Infancy Gospel of Thomas is the more plausible of the two which primarily deal with a supposed record of Jesus' childhood. The latter is almost certainly not authentic as it dates to the middle ages, whereas The Gospel of Thomas is thought to be from the 1st or 2nd century AD which is also where most of the canonical scriptures fall. That said no one who is a modern day Christian would ever consider these to be anything but heresy as they were likely written by Gnostics, whose entire version of Christianity is extremely different from Catholicism, Orthodoxism, Protestantism, or Reformationism which all share varying but mostly similiar precepts. Gnostics believed that the material world was either inherently evil or inherently flawed (depending on the tradition since there were several forms of Gnosticism). This was a much more literal version of the "sins of the flesh" idea present in mainstream Christianity. Where normal Christians believed and focused on overcoming the temptations of the world in which the body resides, Gnostics believed that spirits are essentially trapped here and that nothing here is "sinful" because this entire layer of reality is evil or flawed. The Gnostic version of salvation was a form of eastern like enlightenment, in which adherents must reach Gnosis (secret knowledge of the reality of the universe). Reaching Gnosis enables the spirit to escape the bodily cage and return to the Plorema from which it was "stolen" by the Demiurge. Their concept of God was entirely different as well because the Demiurge was the physical creator of the world and either evil or flawed himself, and had essentially stolen the spark of human life/consciousness from a heaven like realm known as the Plorema which is where the true God, the Monad, resides. The Monad emanates lower semi-devine beings known as Aeons, such as the Demiurge, as a matter of it's nature. Most forms of Gnosticism regarded the Demiurge as the canonical Jewish God of the Old Testament/Torah, which is entirely separate from Jesus' "Father" the Monad. They believed that Jesus teachings were actually about delivering this Gnosis so that those that believed and followed him could essentially decipher the true meaning of life and reality and transcend their physical bodies to a pure spiritual form returning to the Plorema their true origin. So taking this into consideration it makes sense that The Infancy Gospel of Thomas essentially recounts a tale of Jesus defying all aspects of the material world, to the Gnostics this was not evil because their religion did not deal with "Sin" like modern Christians do.

I've had 2 crying spells this morning already. FFS, guess I'm not going outside to run right now.

Easter is not even really a Christian holiday it's a romanized pagan holiday masquerading as one just like Christmas.

Last night helped temporarily, then I had an extremely awful night. Feels like my brain is on fire, too agitated to relax and can't fall asleep again. I was asleep for maybe 2 hours last night total. I even tried a full body work out to release as much energy as I could. The problem's not physical exhaustion my brain just won't shut off, and I hate this fucking shit when it happens. I've told my roommates I'm experiencing some extreme symptoms and asked them to notify the ER or doc in case something unusual starts happening. I've had them put up anything that is a chemical in our house, because I can't even look at them right now without getting that vision replay it's stressing me out. Don't think I'll be able to go out today again, but I'm just listening to audible atm to try and relax.

I've had Bipolar Type II since at least 2011 (which is when I was diagnosed) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder diagnosed in 2012 when I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation, self harming, and severe exhaustion. My obsessive thoughts combined with a two week long mixed state caused it after I couldn't fall asleep for 8 days straight. Unfortunately it also ruined my second real relationship because it is the period of time I came out to my family and was subsequently disowned by a large portion of them for doing so. Circumstances this time are obviously different, but the overall feeling is very close to that and I think it has to do with improper medication levels and/or resistances (I hope it's not resistances because I like what I'm on currently). Anyways, I was having very odd hightened sense of fears about very strange things like getting STDs from toilet seats, sinks, and faucets and replaying images of myself drinking caustic chemicals that I happened to come across either in my house or in the super market. My OCD leans towards a rarer form called Pure-O, which usually causes people to have looping movie like real tracks playing over and over, it intensifies under period of extreme stress. I really appreciate the support, mostly I was just looking to vent without people gawking at me but it does mean a lot thanks. I have to go now lol, I should have gotten ready a half hour ago, I'm kind of dreading socializing with some people I've not seen in a while.

The internet didn't cause this lol. But thanks appreciate it. I have to go get ready, perhaps some time out doing other things people will help.

He doesn't need to anyways because I would do something or my room mates would in all likely hood before that happened. Much faster than anyone here as Rogue is the only person who has that kind of personal info on me in this community.

Not an option for me. I'm going to force myself to go hang out with some people in a bit, part of why I wanted to talk about it here first so maybe a bit of that tension won't seep out and make the whole room extremely uncomfortable.

@midnight If it gets too intense I will take the appropriate measures to prevent harm, I'm not there yet. And I have roommates which are aware of my issues so if I start losing it they'll notify someone. If I disappear for an extended period, it is unlikely due to that, so don't worry about me. I don't like people worrying about me. Really just wanted to vent here, because I hate the looks on people's faces when I try to explain this to people without these types of issues in person. At least here I don't have to see the facial expressions of people looking at me like I've been run over by a truck.

No I mean I think about death as in a possible option on a daily basis. Normally these feelings are addressed through a combination of therapeutic behavioral modification coping mechanisms and daily meditation. That is a step far below suicidal ideation, where I've not been for a long time. I fear ever going back to that place. Right now I'm more just afraid that it's going to go back there and I don't want to have to be hospitalized, it feels like failure quite frankly. My first hospitalization preceded 8 days without being able to fall asleep due to contamination phobia (literally can't touch things because they are not clean and thus will make you unclean) and obsessive thoughts about drinking cleaning products. That's why I have to put them all up now where I can't see them. I want to avoid the whole problem entirely if I can.

Anyways, I just wanted to talk about it. I don't usually talk about what is going on in my life here, I don't like people knowing a lot about me in general. But as I said, I've managed two major goals and some minor ones this past year. And I'm very close to having my first game in an alpha state where I might try to take it to market, and I've lost nearly 100 pounds in the last year. So I really thought this time I would be on top of anything that came back. But no, I'm an idiot and somehow I let this happen again.

*I think about death every day, I just normally don't talk about it because usually it's not this bad. I'm not in immediate danger atm.

I know, but you have to understand I think about death every day. This is not unusual for me, other than being more intense.

No I think that was more of a symptom of the downward spiral. It didn't really occur to me there was a problem until this morning. Normally I detect mood shifts like this as they are happening, this time I didn't. I'm not sure if that's because there is too much mood stabilizer in my system or what. Some of the interactions I had with people there certainly didn't help though.

Oh no, It's not there yet. I'm just trying to think ahead. I needed to vent about this for a minute. I'm just saying that's where it could end up in a very short period of time if I'm not careful and it's extremely terrifying to think about. Normally I can just use coping mechanisms to "eliminate" or diminish the fear of this and the fear of the hospitalization which literally never leaves me completely. But it's just extremely strong this time. I'm not suicidal, if that's what you mean. But I am definitely afraid it could go there.

I see her monday. I think I'll be ok, I'm just afraid it's going to escalate again. It really fucking sucks, I have made a ton of progress in my life in the past year and then this happens I should have been more prepared. I should be able to deal with this better by now, but it just never goes away. Like I'm stuck with it in perpetuity. It sound ridiculous, but I can't really express the intensity, it's one of those things that wouldn't make any sense to someone who's not experienced it.

I was removed from SSRIs because of contraindications in my genome over a year ago. So I am only on mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics, it can mean imbalanced levels are especially more dramatic for me. I know all about this, but it doesn't make the thoughts go away. Now I'm going to have to hide bleach and drain cleaner from my vision so that I don't get a loop in my head envisioning myself drinking it. Which is where this will eventually end up.

I don't think that is going to help, since that is regular therapy exercises I do every day. My worst OCD symptoms have returned, and I think I'm going to have to temporarily hide all the knives and cleaning fluids in my house. It's the reason I was hospitalized last time (long time ago). I think my med levels are just out of whack. I woke up crying this morning for no apparent reason, and that also has not happened in a long time.

I just think something is not right.

I think something might be wrong with me. I've been having a very difficult time concentrating and have already missed a deadline set due to lack of focus. But the strangest thing is I didn't realize I was very sad until this morning, and now I think it's been like this for at least 2 weeks which would indicate a major depressive mood. This is approximately how I felt the last time I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation, which hasn't happened in a very long time, it's not to that level yet but I can feel it approaching. It is extremely upsetting to think about. So much has been going right for me lately and then this, it's just really devastating. My deepest fear is going in and never being able to come back out, because it never gets better. I see my psychiatrist next week to see about reducing and changing some of the dosages of my medication due to a large amount of weight loss, and I will see what happens then.

I rarely eat fast food.

@Shammer are you the famous RainTeacher?