Codename: Jackass

My old cat got fixed a long time ago and I recall her bumping into the wall a couple times.

Yeah % Texas is fucked.

Desecration of a corpse is on the books as illegal in my state.

I don't know how to respond to that.

What did I ever do to you?

My family can't afford a funeral so they're burning me in a bonfire with the household garbage.

I'm going to the doctor to be euthanized tomorrow.

I think I get where you're going. That's like a lot more than one down, right? Is that where we're headed? Go into r/twoxchromosomes and tell them that men are gr8 and you'll get banned from reddit.

My face hurts because it's so ugly.

Blue suede the blue suede the blue suede New graves get the bouquets Bouquets the bouquets the bouquets Hope I outlive them red roses Hope I outlive them red roses Hope I outlive them red roses Hope I outlive them red roses

you're the only one the last one

What about one-down? One-downing people is a lot easier. Things can always be worse.

Feel free

No, I'm a piece of shit.

My brain ain't got the juice for this business.

what the fuck is a crocus

I'm not very good at this.

Maybe I'll die.

Where's the grocery store? ----------------> How does daddy-o kick up some sundries?

Call the cops. --------------> Get the goon squad on the line.

I'm going to kick your ass. -------------> You're gonna have a hoe-down in hurt town.

That sounds like fun. --------------> That's cash on rollick.

I don't know you, leave me alone. -----------> I don't hang with the random wang.

Where are you going? ---------------> Which place gonna see your face?

That's a gold hat, cool cat.