Codename: Jackass

No it's mine.

I've been using my testicle loom a lot lately.

Good luck pepperoni

RIP in pepperonis

I bite the bullet.

Because I don't feel like having financial institutions building profiles on me based on my spending habits.

Thanks for bumping my thread man.

I use cash whenever I can.

The ATM at my bank gives me 50s, 20s, and 10s, but never 100s. I like $50 bills, they look cool.

These help a lot. I've tried the plastic ones, but I find the metal ones last longer when stirring boiling water. Get the biggest spatula you can. The small ones don't have much effect when you're trying to swat your children away from the stove. Whistlecubes are great for making music, but they can also be used to ensure that all of your spaghetti is straight. You're not a real cook if you don't own a rolling baton. You can flatten even the thickest steak with this. Or, use it to mash potatoes like you would with a baseball bat. Basters help when you need to squirt your dog with boiling water but don't want to handle the water with your bare hands. Important note: you can't administer insulin with this. While medieval torture devices come in many shapes and sizes, you want one that has a sturdy grip and a high-quality point at one end. Remember: clockwise for kills, counterclockwise for thrills. Food megaphones can let you hear even the quietest foods. Most kitchen utensils aren't very useful when attempting to achieve a prostate orgasms. The citrus and butt-reamer is designed exactly for this purpose. Remember to wash well before using it on your citrus. Fingerslicers often come with superfluous accessories. But you don't need them to slice your fingers to the bone. I used to use knives to slice my fingers, but I found that once I'd sliced them enough, I couldn't hold the knives any longer. The fingerslicer is an elegant solution. Debilitation mitts are the ideal way to conceal your lost digits... or not! They come in many styles and they're a great conversation starter. You can also hang them up to ward away evil kitchen spirits. Roller dockers are very effective at simulating a giant tarantula skittering up you neck. The testicle loom is a great way to maintain a constant threat of castration. Display it proudly to proclaim your dominance in all things kitchen. And last but not least is my scale, the Ozeri Pro Digital Kitchen Food Scale. This scale is unique in that it makes everything you put on it weightless. Don't step on it, though, or you'll float away.

It was nice of them to leave you a goodie bag, though I don't really like it when people leave religious tracts. I used to have some Jehovah's Witness neighbors and they would leave tracts in my mailbox until they realized they weren't going to convert me.

Bubble Tape was a great gimmick when I was seven.

I don't really mean pot, I mean hard drugs that kill people and ruin lives.

Just work with me here guys.

Young impressionable male watches anime, falls in love with cartoon girl, his mother is disappointed that she never has grandkids. Sad!

hehe

I like the way marijuana makes me want to jump out of my skin. Dead serious.

Seems like a bad plan.

Go back to school.

Dude you're definitely gonna OD, you're only supposed to inject one marijuana at a time.

It's not cool. Just leave it alone, please, go to school.

sounds refreshing

damn dude that's ice cold what did the apple do to you?