[classic swim]

He was reincarnated as a cat and this happened.

You should’ve went to the sperm bank and robbed all the sperm.

He’s Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes.

God I fucking hate IMDb’s interface. 2016? I’d be able to go through catalogs on my device with no problem. No non-clickable fucking buttons fixing something that wasn’t broke. Ah, he was in True Romance! Loved Jimmy Gandolfini in that too!

Saw me at 6AM and tackled me to the ground only because he always wanted to tackle a guy in a chicken costume and punch him a little bit.

Got banned from a Subway in Kentucky because he went “A-SHALK SHALK A-SHALK SHALK SHALK SHALK TALKIN’ SHIT DAT’S ALL YOU CAN DOOO, TALK SHIT BITCH!”

He walked into Taco John’s and thought he could stay at the lobby all day ‘cause it brought a smile on his face.

The mail that never fails make him wanna wag his tail.

I googled his age because I don’t believe you that he’s 53 and your RIP thread from 2022 came up.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHA PICKLE RUCK11!1!1!1!!1!1!1

Getting close. Turning it off if it’s really more Rick & Morty shit.

Brings a needle to the beach and deflates the volleyball every time it rolls over to him on accident.

Puts a scoop of ice cream on his head with a cherry on top so he can be the Ice Cream Man and impress the divas.

40-50 years ago, Playboy pages were needed to pull your pudd... there was no vulgar comedy of any sort on TV. So you needed MAD Magazine when reruns of Hogan’s Heroes weren’t cutting it. There’s a good 30 year stretch where MAD’s only capable of flaccid bullshit potshots against something so very out of their league. They’re the satire comic that omits they were only funny when Civil Rights leaders were still alive.

When he sees a movie on TV he doesn’t like he’ll undo his pants and sit on a whole set of hot mashed potatoes in front of the lady he’s dating.

Just have a backup plan is all. That “gracious celebratory event” because her mom and dad believe Cogswell Cogs asked Abraham to kill the son of Isaac was really just a reason for dumb bitches to drink fruity non real beers at a Greek restaurant at your expense. Don’t put a ring on it because she might not like the way your shoes smell one day and your life is fucking overrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I’m glad I don’t have to think about her every single day like I used to. On some level it’s fucked only because it felt like she owned me for so long, but she’ll divorce and marry and divorce again while I’m the sucker that gets to keep all my shit from a court order. Good luck with that house because you’ll need it.