jackiemarie90

Wow, he really kept it hush hush, that's crazy

Not that kind of party. Although the frats did do that and did make it spread. But since we all share food already in the house, it's not that much different than hanging out in the living room. Cept we will be in the backyard.

It's in our house backyard, only for people in the house. XD

The mystery woman? The mystery woman who is a weeb?

Thanks, it's a closed off party to only people living this particular student housing. I don't plan on sharing drinks with anyone I have just met so I hope all goes well.

Not with anyone I really know, just someone I know who really hates me. I have joined 7am yoga on some days, but some days I don't want to wake up early.

Normally yes, but this party is only open to people who live in this particular student housing, not the public. And we all quarantined for a week, so now we are just gonna meet in the backyard to hang out.

So the party is only for the people who live in the house. And we all passed our 1 week quarantine before moving in, so it's like a mixer for people we will be stuck in with in quarantine. XD

Yeah I think booze is going to be the main motivator lol

Also meant to say they loved me. Not men >__> But they were kinda my schedule, I would wake up and talk to them in the mornings, cook dinner with them. etc.

Yeah, even though I had a bad panic attack yesterday, still thinking of showing up. Maybe even 40 minutes late. >__>

So tonight is the first house party for my student housing of the semester. There are approx 45 students in this complex, the party is considered a meet and greet. And it's also themed! Fall Harvest, pumpkinie, flannel whatever theme. This is the outfit I am thinking of wearing to this fall theme party, but I may wanna show up late so it's less awkward, and may turn back. Also, this outfit is technically one of many of my older sisters excess of clothing, so I technically didn't pick it, but it's nice. Idk, decide for me XD

I don't give up as easily

The anxiety isn't always so constant, it's happens in moments, apparently once every 1 to 2 months. But I'm excited that I can control my adhd and not focus on dumb things and throw my focus into school

Was in therapy all year last year, but my therapist has switched offices and moved on. I did see a psychiatrist today, they are putting me back on ALL of my meds and I'm really excited. I get adderall back tso that should definitely help with school, and a nighttime anti anxiety one too. I mean, I did switch student housing. And I loved my old co-op! They were full of happy young gen z'ers that loved me. XD We would hug, help each other with homework, and cook food together too. But I signed my contract for this place last spring, and as much as I loved the kids 6 to 10 years younger than me there, I know I got get out of my comfort zone and try to meet other 30 year olds here. lol Wait, are you Buddy? I swear I can never tell who's alt is whose alt. I do but I'm starting a heavy homework load semester, and may not have time. In truth, I was thinking of selling my ps4 for a switch since that's what all the students play here. Being awake, and not being good enough for my grades, my friends, and this opportunity I have. I haz PS4 >__> But really, I do think part of the solution is posting here more often. I've let my old co-op occupy my time but while I'm still getting to know people I should just poast here moar. lol

I wish I could say it was just school, but if I'm being honest, there was a lot of people hard fucking in the house today, and I was just reminded how I have trouble even talking to people without fidgeting or embarrassing myself. Now that I live with someone that hates me, it makes it harder to be social. I am feel nervous for missing yoga today even though I was just really tired. But I feel guilty for missing it. I just feel like I want to die and not exist. lmao

lol exactly XD

Lol gotta log out and re log in. Our freaking school is using discord now!!! 😅 I was like, oh shit, better make a 2nd account so I don't mix up my messages. >_>

That's literally all I want in this damn world!

From the course description: What is a commodity? What does it do? Can it shape history? This course will introduce students to a recently popular genre of historical writing that concentrates on single commodities like cotton, sugar, bananas, and oil. We will think critically about conventions of the genre and whether commodities truly were important historical actors in the past or if historians give them power in retrospect. We will consider how commodity histories offer a unique approach to rethinking the boundaries of history. Our readings will not fit neatly into sub fields of history: political, economic, social, cultural, environmental, etc. They will traverse conceptual and geographic borders and raise questions about the relationship between the global and the local. Course themes include land, colonialism, capitalism, slavery, race, gender, citizenship, and consumerism. An exercise in historical thinking and writing, this class will deepen our understandings of the things we buy and sell and raise questions about our relationship to the people and places that produce the necessities and luxuries of our everyday lives.

And there is no one on campus I can talk too. A lot of people think I'm a clingy friend, and they would be right. No one wants to really take care of me, a lot of guys are willing if I fuck them, but again, I have no sexual desires because of my depression. But I really need someone to help calm me down, but everyone hates me. lmao. I mean, most of the days, if it gets really bad, I just start smoking for the night at 4pm and try to pretend the outside world doesn't exist, and go to bed early and start the day all over. But there really isn't anything worth doing these days. I hate being awake, I hate being here. Time to continue my already high tolerance on smoking even more. 😐

Trying lessening the count by 2 seconds, and instead of getting frustrated, maybe try to see how it can work for you. I don't know, I feel like it's something you work on, not force yourself quickly to master

Technically the minor is data science. And it's really simple, you see I have already taken numerous history classes, and only needed 8 to graduate here. Normal transfers are given 2 years to complete their bachelor's, and when Cal looks for transfers, they look if you have had significant progress on your degree before applying. Now that I'm in DSP, I can extend my stay here by another year. So I'll be here 3 years, and my plan is to basically take 1 history class a semester (including summers) and working on my Data Science minor. Again, most of my prerequisites before applying were not stem related, in order to have that minor, I needed to take extra math classes that were not needed for history majors. Also data science requires a lot of statistic classes, while cs requires a lot of calculus. lol

Have you tried breathing exercises? I used to have a whole process to help me sleep, haven't stuck to it for awhile. But I would turn off all electronics around 10:30 to 11pm. Run a calming humidifier with essential oils. And lay on my back, focusing on breathing. Inhaling air slowly for 4vseconds, holding it for about 7 seconds, and then slowly releasing for 8 seconds. To be honest, doesn't always work, especially is something is horribly occupying your mind, but if it's an average night, I find that certain exercises do help. https://www.healthline.com/health/breathing-exercises-for-sleep#bhramari-pranayama

Idk, it seems like it's working, having all these people scream about things that should even be political like wearing a mask. Like who knew trolling could be so powerful to stall a country. lol