therapy is weird

[Still Me]

I mean...totally all for it...I think it would benefit everyone.....

but this whole forgiveness thing....we've all had shit happen in our lives that either makes us cold or indifferent....maybe grow from it....some people just become bitter...w/e

but what I don't seem to be putting together is....well....example:

my mother...terrible person....untrustworthy, manipulator, list goes on

so as a form of self-preservation, I cut her out of my life. I mean, if that's the kinda toxic she is I don't need it so just get rid of it. I think that makes logical sense, its making and creating a health boundary

however, as I told my therapist about some of the things that my mother did to have it end with this boundary, she then started talking about forgiveness. Shes basically saying that it takes more energy to hold onto something than to forgive. Forgive, not forget kinda thing.

I think she's wrong....I've lived with this for damn near 15 years....I'm not angry anymore, it's just become facts. So if someone comes up and says 'how's you mom?' it's the 'I don't know, I don't talk to her'

I don't harbor any anger or hatred for her...I just don't care....but isn't that essentially "forgiving"....I don't know...but I did tell her I have issues feeling my emotions other than anger....so is not caring numb? and is forgiving some sort of feeling?

[scoobdog]

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to relinquish the boundary.  It really just means not actively fueling that anger by separating the person from the action.

[Vamped]

Sounds good enough to me. If you're not expending time and energy toward fueling hatred and it is, what it is ... seems like acceptance is good enough. 

I also dont think people need to forgive on anybody else's time frame/ schedule either. You get to it, when you get to it ... or you don't