death_by_motorboat Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) She wanted an opinion or maybe she was so excited that she just wanted someone to read it. I didnt volunteer to read her stuff because there were a few notebooks full of stuff, and i dont think i would want to read it in someone's handwriting anyway. plus, im not a very committed reader most of the time. so anyway i was also nervous she asked me because for some reason, i felt like i had to give her a very complimenting and detailed opinion. so i picked a small detail of the story to try and come up with a quick opinion. her story was about two lovers that missed their chance to fall in love, and the woman loses the man because he went on a romantic boat trip for couples with another woman. So at the last minute she tried to stop the boat but she missed it, and it was too late. they fell in love and got married and lived together forever, stealing from her that true love, and any chance she would have to be happy. she dies alone. so my nervously clumbsy critique, was that i think she should start using connections regarding the deeper nature of words and expression in the story, not that she should change the story. I told her that attention to language and more original connections would make her happier and make her work more personal to her. like instead of saying "She missed the boat," try "The ship of destiny left the docks that day," because a "boat of destiny" has less impact. or something that just has more grit and strength to its idea the reader will be experiencing. so i had to apologize because the way i explained it sounded like i had this expert level knowledge, about phrasing things to have notoriety, and more meaning, when actually a ship and a boat are not interchangeable metaphorically most of the time. so my opinion was shit that day, and i probably sounded like a snob Edited January 2, 2018 by mumbojummie13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Should have told her it needed more dinosaur porn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death_by_motorboat Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 when i explained i over shot my mark, she said she didnt even remember that i said that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 was there descriptive sex in it? Thats the only way I read mediocre stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death_by_motorboat Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 i hope not. i think its mad-housewife syndrome, from the otherside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrigunBebop Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Should have told her to turn it into balloon fetish erotica. It's a rapidly inflating growing genre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death_by_motorboat Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 i wanted to teach her something, deep inside. because of all the college papers i have written. just to have profound input, for a friend. Not really much to teach her from my angle anyway, but giving someone the honest truth who asks you for advice like, "Are my notebooks full of (probably lame ass stories) cool? Will you read them? so i say blah blah blah, ...."that ones a ship, huge, magnificent, able to carry away dream-sized emotions..." Or this stupid Gilligan's Island crap about the Love Boat.... AND SHE FUCKIN"? she loses the love of her life eternally? this sucks im thinking. im like "ships sounds better!" use lost ship of love or something, fuck this boat thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death_by_motorboat Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 anyone thats been in love knows a fucking boat ride cant break it........ if it did it was all the shit that broken them up in the first place..... and it ending on a stupid boat isnt reasonable the 8 couples on a boat or something....? I HOPE I DONT GET TO KNOW THOSE CHARACTERS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Maybe the other lady gave great head whille on the boat? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death_by_motorboat Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 with red lipstick strawberry red not scarlet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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