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UnevenEdge

A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks


Codename: Jackass

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"What would you like, sir?
The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his cargo shorts as if he had two holstered guns. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet, and with the other, he brings the tip of his fedora down before placing his order.
"Coffee. Black."
A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties and men whisper that they can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero.
The Cheetos Avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "Keep the change."

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