The Evil Dr. Longshadow

I'm going to stay old school and call a duck a duck. Soft drink is any beverage you can name that doesn't include alcohol. Now, excuse me while I go and guzzle some lemon balm. Yes, another soft drink.

I went looking for the old 1980's American Dairy Association radio jingle that chirped out, "Milk's the soft soft drink. It doesn't shout about its flavor, always on its best behavior with the foods you want to savor..." Somehow, that was skipped over on Youtube in favor of better known TV spots such as, "Got milk?" and "Milk does a body good." Yes, the radio jingle I'm talking about said, "soft" twice. That's not a typo.

Only in what they called a "Hot Apple Pie", which at that time was brought in frozen and kept frozen until it was deep fried to some preposterously high temperature. And yes, milk is still served at McDonald's today... low fat milk. Sure, as though the "low fat" part is going to make a difference to a customer who just ate five Quarter Pounders and four large orders of fries.

I actually learned part of my distrust for management way back when I worked at McDonald's. The policy stated one free meal for an eight hour shift. It excluded milk. Sodas only. I asked a manager why milk was excluded. He said, "The American Dairy Association doesn't allow it." Now, what's wrong with that picture? I was only seventeen and knew what was wrong with it.

They do when it's inventory time. How much of this or that was served during the shift and how much of each does the porter have to replace?

Caffeine is a drug like lemon balm is a drug.

That's the core nature of every crackpot casino department head.

Seen that. It's what a crackpot casino department head likes to inhale from anybody in senior management who might be in a position to give him a raise or a promotion.

Just as other parts of the world do. What's your point?

There's nothing else to call this new age torturing of the English language.

Except, there's no lie there. Scoob would have had a career in basketball, in comparison to my height. Calling your own inability to grasp English does not make me a liar.

Okay, so every experiencef bartender I ever met is wrong on the subject and your funny little essays from people who didn't spend three decades working along with bartenders are right every time. Got it.

The "SAME PERSON" being the person who claimed to be one third taller than I am. In other words, that portion referrs to Scoob, not me. Now, go back to class for your English lesson before Miss Trunchbull finds out you're in here.

The gun in question is not any sort of rifle at all.

So, qoute it for me.

Nope. You didn't read what I said up there.

Did you know that beverages that contain alcohol are often referred to as, hard drinks?

How tall are most basketball stars? Didn't Scoob just claim to be that tall?

Exactly

Ahh... the New American Book of Truncated English is brought out once more. Good job.

Ahh... the New American Book of Truncated English is brought out once more. Good job.

Is it a non alcoholic beverage on its own? Yes. That's a soft drink.

That's not an M1. It's not even a rifle. Those shoes are 9.5 Yes, I like my cuffs to slop over my shoes because showing my socks when I sit down make my jeans look like they shrunk in the wash.

Coffee is a soft drink, Your Highness.

Oh, look who's pulling Einstein's blackboard out of his butt to prove that a common soft drink is a narcotic on the same level as crack or tranq. There's name for this. "Zohnerism".