Codename: Jackass

Too many carbs, yo.

It would cut my risk if people stayed home. I want to quit but I need the money. Shoulda gotten a real job.

I wonder how many people are going to have to die before Greg Abbott mandates a quarantine.

He can sense the COVID vibes

I have eaten a pork chop with a spoon, so that.

You'll get carded at the liquor store, young man.

That errant speck of dried up enchilada sauce that somehow ended up under the coffee area is my token of appreciation.

How does Quack feel about all this?

Your husband turned into a cat?!

I lost five pounds this week because of that.

YOU'RE GOOD

The fact that I'm not running a fever is the big comfort. Do you have a fever?

When I get coronavirus and can't come to work, and can't get a doctor's note because the hospitals are overrun, I'll just get fired. Oh well, such is that at-will employment life.

I was buying beans and canned food days before the others. I can wash my ass in the shower if I have to.

Current anxiety level: 5/10.

When I was vomiting yesterday I couldn't help but wonder, but I knew in my rational mind that it was either food poisoning or norovirus. No fever, no cough. I'll be one of the lucky recipients, my workplace will prioritize profit over the health and safety of its employees for certain.

I know in my bones that this is somehow Obama's fault.

Did you get viral yet?

So who cares

Hi dad

Those people at that one place sure seemed fooled.

I have seen it.

I'll have it be known that Pat is a snappy dresser.