[classic swim]

Got an egg thrown at the back of his head around a gas station pump and went “oh-motherfucker!”

Went to Haribo Gummy Bears factory with a paper mache sword and said “put the bears in the bag, NOWWWWWWW!”

He said “fuck Grimace from McDonald’s!” grabbed him out a truck and hit ‘em with a brick and started dancing.

I’ll set an alarm clock for you.

He paid Nabs 5 Gs to eat the crust off Scoob’s sexy naked pale ass while Scoob’s swinging his package back and forth.

He’s the CEO of Seight’s Deli where all the meats are prepared by Seiiiiiiiiiigggghhht.

Made fun of Mike Francesa at Applebee’s for falling asleep on his Diet Coke.

As he’s blowing a load in Rebecca’s butt, he’s dressed up like Goku and screams “KAME, KAMEEEEEE”

Happy birthday and “F you for the disgusting mental picture, man!”

He built a chicken stand right next to his Popeyes. He sold more chicken sandwiches than them, but first he had to buy a bunch of Popeye chicken sandwiches.

Loved that chicken from Popeye’s.

Got banned from Shoney’s because he kept bothering Dolly Parton when she was there.

Got banned from Fun Spot America for dressing up like Super Mario Kudasai and tackling someone who beat him at putt putt.

He neglected to put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on his room door. Obscenities were yelled at Ramada hotel housekeeping.

Does knight jousting in room hallways of hotel resorts.

Favorite time in a cab was when he was stoned, and I was drunk, and we both laughed at the guy in front of us with pimped out rims. The fare from LAX to West Fifth past midnight, with serene silence and few cars out was also badass.

Took a big swirl cone of ice cream and gently dumped it on top of a man’s bald head sitting down because he couldn’t resist.

Got a plastic giraffe mask at the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle and when his wife said “ok honey let’s put away the plastic giraffe mask” he turned around and went “RAHHHHHH!”

He’s self-invited to every bachelor party that involves bouncing titties on his head.