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I’ve decided to antagonize the person stealing my packages

Still Me

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A spot of evil...

Do you live in an area that is prone to active patches of poison ivy? 

If you do, you'll need an old pot that you can immediately throw away because it will be worthless / poisonous after this and one of those cheap water bottles that you can adjust to mist rather than just spray.

Fill the pot with poison ivy leaves and water. Boil the shit out of it. When you see a good oil slick going on across the top, slowly remove the leaves to keep as much of the oil as possible. When it's cooled enough, carefully pour the oil / water into the spray bottle and then mist the crap out of a dummy package with it. Carefully place [ use gloves during all of this, duh :D ] the bait box out there and let them take it. Since most people are allergic to poison ivy and the delivery dude isn't likely to return and pick it up thinking you are mailing something out, the one most likely to touch it next while the oil is active is going to be the troll. 

Also, be sure to do this on a weekday and not a weekend in order to cut down on little kids being in the area just to be sure. 

This is actually something concocted to deal with thieves of another variety. The  same technique can be used to spray down flowers left on graves if you believe that someone is stealing them. In this case, you don't have to worry about anyone other than the thief [ and possibly their girlfriend ] getting a rash because groundskeepers wear gloves when tending graves to keep from getting stuck by dried thorns and wire twists with all things collected usually cremated.  

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